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Shannaniagns

He’s scared

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Shannaniagns

Hello, I’ve had HSV for the past year and have tried dating apps for it and all. Ended up meeting a guy, not on the website, had the disclosure talk and he was totally fine with it. I was so surprised! When it didn’t work with us, I thought I wouldn’t have that luck again... then I met this guy and we both talk about how much we love being around each other. I could tell he wanted to start getting physical so I had the talk. He was really respectful and said he still really likes me and doesn’t want to stop seeing me. Then the next day he asked to talk about it more. He mentioned being “freaked out” about it and looking into it online and all... but he kept saying he really likes me and wants to keep seeing me, but he’s just not ok with being physical right now. That’s ok with me, I get it but I also wonder what else I can do to calm his nerves? It doesn’t bother me he wants to wait- what bothers me is him saying he freaked out. I feel so bad that I threw him for a loop, I know he never expected to hear me say something like this... is there anything I can do to help him understand? Or do I just have to relax and see where things go? I feel like I’m starting to put up my walls in preparation for him to walk out and that’s not going to help anything ha 

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Roja

 

I would get him some hard facts (for example: https://herpesopportunity.com/downloads/herpes-opportunity-disclosure-handout.pdf) because researching on the internet is like the worst thing anyone can do (believe me, I have been there :D) 

Focus on what you are doing to protect him. Taking medication, being aware of any symptoms, taking supplements, using condoms,... 

Tell him that yes, there is a risk to transmit it to him. However, even if he breaks up with you, there will always be the risk of getting it if he plans to be sexual active. I know I keep repeating myself, but have in mind that 80 % of the population have either HSV1 or HSV2 in their bodies. Whenever he will receive oral sex he will be at risk of getting herpes if he is not 100 % sure that the person doesn't have it. (Did he ever get tested? Chances are good that he already has the virus in his body). And I am not even talking about all the people who carry the virus in their body without knowing it... 

And have one thing in mind: It is just herpes. If you are going to stay together for a long time (or even forever) you will have to pass through way more difficult situations in life. If he is leaving you already because of this unimportant virus, he is not worth any tears. 

Good luck! 

 

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Shannaniagns

Thank you so much! You’re right, it’s just a virus and there are more important things... this makes me feel a lot better! 

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