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Life problems, kinda unrelated to HSV, need a total strangers opinion PLEASE HELP

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   Hey y’all. I post on here a lot. But herpes isn’t really the biggest problem I’m facing right now and I really need some insight and help. 

First of all being diagnosed was hard enough. Here’s some info. I’m gonna be 21 soon and I’m a student nurse, just finished my first semester of school and it’s something I want to do for the rest of my life. Right now I’m a pharmacy tech at a job about 30 minutes away from where I live and I don’t really make shit and I’ve been there 3 years. Most of the time I get treated like trash there but I’m mature enough to know that not everyone will appreciate me or value me as an employee. But I also hate that I’m that far from my sick grandmother during the day because what if something happens and I’m at “work?”

For starters, my mother was a crackhead so I’ve never had a real relationship with her. I’ve lived with my grandmother and father since I was 3 years old which resulted in me being extremely close to my grandmother and her being an actual mother to me. She’s my best friend in this whole world and the only reason why I didn’t kill my self when I first got diagnosed. She’s the reason why I want to be a nurse because through caring for her and all that she’s taught me, I’ve learned to be kind and compassionate and good to people and take good care of them even though that’s kinda fu*ked me over at times, that’s what I live by. 

Lets get to the point. She’s 87 now with kidney failure and congestive heart failure. We’ve been to the ER five times this month. We almost lost her. Death is invetable. I’m trying to be strong because I know it’s gonna happen soon. It breaks my heart because now she’s getting dementia/Alzheimer’s. I just never pictured this shit, you know? I am responsible. But now I’m responsible for her bank accounts and paying the bills on time and organizing her medicine because she’s so confused. She’s very secretive and doesn’t even have a will and I have to do about being a power of attorney and all of that. I have to make big decisions about if they want to rescusitate her and do cpr. I’m terrified. I have so much on my plate. 

I also work and go to school 6 days out of the week and I’m very busy. It’s exhausting but I do it because I love her to death and she took care of me so now it’s my turn to take care of her. I just hate to see her suffering. I feel bad but sometimes I wish the end would come sooner because who wants to live their life constantly in pain? She often cries about everything that goes on and I’ve stayed up countless nights being there for her to let her know she’s not alone and we will get through it. 

But here’s the thing. I just got a job offer and it’s perfect. It will help me with my nursing degree because it’s an externship position. I’ll be able to go to WVU medicine which I’m sure you all have heard of and get a head start in pediatrics and if I do well I may have a job immediately when I graduate. It’s three days a week and a better pay than what I make now. It’s only for the summer so it’ll be 2 months and I’d still try to come see her every weekend since it’s about 3 or 4 hours away. I refuse to put her in a nursing home. But then my current boss will probably be super pissed since he depends on me entirely too much to pick up the slack from my coworkers and since I’m very needed there. But nursing is so important to me. I don’t want to be a bad person. 

Also, I’m 21. I’ll be able to drink legally soon. I want to travel the world. I’m fine with putting that on hold but I still do want to spend time with friends. I’m always working and taking care of her and it gets very trying at times. I never catch a break. Nursing school is hard enough but I know she’s nearing the end and I want to cherish every moment I have with her. I don’t want to keep making myself depressed over the situation. I’m trying to be positive. But my boss will probably hate me and I probably won’t have a job when I get back but it’s the first time I’ve been this excited over anything since the herpes diagnosis. 

Please help. I know I have to make decisions for myself but sometimes you need a total strangers opinion. Am I wrong for all of this? Should I take the job?

Edited by KG303

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First of all be sure the company is a good one and a good job.

My dad moved far away before he died, and there wasn’t much I could do.

Your best option is a nursing home. If you can afford it, consider yourself lucky and do it. Realistically that is the best weekend-visit scenario. Whatever you do, don’t leave her without a nursing home. My father sort of went through that and I was “too busy at work”,

Honestly it sounds like she doesn’t have too much longer. You could try waiting it out. Jobs can be obtained pretty easily for some people, others not so much. 

I wouldn’t pass up the opportunity. It sounds like the optimal time to start a new chapter. Things change and when we face it with courage we are successful.

I just moved from my home town to large city for a job, at the age of 27.   I didn’t have any faraway college experience, however.

Just some random thoughts and insight into my thinking. Take it with a grain of salt.

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Hey @floydmonk! Congrats on your job and I’m hoping you like it. I’m so sorry to hear about your father. I haven’t even lost my granny yet so I can’t imagine what you went through but it sounds like you’re doing good for yourself and dealing with everything very well! Thanks for the tips. 

I did decide to take the job. My grandmother is actually very happy for me. We’re looking into bringing someone into the home to sit with her until my dad gets off so he can take care of her and that seems to be the best option for us at the moment and we’re working together to pay for it because we obviously love her dearly and she’s alert and well enough at the moment to know that a nursing home is not at all what she wants at the moment. Our close family about 2-3 hours away from us also volunteered to take care of her while I’m away if my father can’t do it himself. My boss is very happy for me too and I may still have a job after I get this experience. So far everything is working out good! 

We are also coming together as a family to decide exactly what we want to do and if a nursing home may be a future option. I’d just feel guilty about that and I’m her main caretaker so we’re trying to work around it! Thank you so much though and have a wonderful day :) 

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