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Mbtb

Not sure in how disclosure went..

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Mbtb

Im a 23f and I’ve been hanging out with a 31m for about a month now. We met through a mutual friend and I’ve held off on sex (I don’t just sleep with people). However the main reason is bc I had to disclose that I have Ghsv1. I found out in July of 2017 when I had a sore at the opening of my vagina. I haven’t experienced anything from it since. Negative for hsv2, but positive for hsv1

I disclosed to him yesterday by first asking if he’s ever had a coldsore, he said yes. And of course I felt immediate relief bc it’s like “awesome, he carries the same virus too so there’s no issue.”. I explained that I have it too, but downstairs and how I got it and how it doesn’t effect me at all until I have to have the conversation about it. He asked if it’s something I take medication for and I said I could but mine is already low risk as is. I told him how ghsv1 isn’t commonly transmitted to genitals bc it prefers the oral area and told him how there’s a 4% chance with no condom and 2%. I explained how the stigma is the worse thing about it and how a previous partner never contracted anything from me. 

He said I dropped a bomb on him and I told him if he’s had a coldsore he carries the same strain. I just have it in a different area and can’t give him something he already carries. He said it’s the same but it’s kinda different. At that point I felt like I was losing an uphill battle. He thanked me for telling him and told me how he’s had chylamidia before and knows some stuff about herpes and outbreaks. I told him its not what it is if he thinks herpes. He told me he doesn’t think any less of me. He said it’s not the end of the world but it is something he’s gonna have to think about and process and it’s gonna take him some time to wrap his head around it and see where that leaves things with us. I asked if i could tell him stuff I’ve found out about it and he said we could talk about it but he’s still gonna need some time to think about it himself which I understand. I told him I hope he doesn’t just go off what he thinks he knows about it. I also hope he comes to his senses and realizes how much of a nonissue it is. I told him it’s nothing to me and he said he wouldn’t say it’s nothing but it’s not the end of the world. I still stayed last night and he didn’t cuddle with me at all. I told him he was already treating me different and he said he’s just trying to process everything and he can’t just act like it’s not a thing. I’m giving him some space and hoping he does research on a reputable site. He’s so nice and I don’t have the best track record and the thought of meeting someone that actually treats me well and it getting ruined bc if this breaks my heart and terrifies me:(

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WilsoInAus

The irony is that his chances of further infection are negligible and not different compared to a female partner with oral HSV-1. He wouldn’t have thought twice I reckon if you said you had oral HSV-1.

Did you find out through a blood test?

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Mbtb

Yes I tested 7.21 for hsv1 antibodies and <0.91 for hsv2. I just hope and pray he comes to his senses and realizes he also carries it 

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WilsoInAus
15 minutes ago, Mbtb said:

Yes I tested 7.21 for hsv1 antibodies and <0.91 for hsv2. I just hope and pray he comes to his senses and realizes he also carries it 

Actually, this confirms you have an oral infection yourself!

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Mbtb

I’ve never had a coldsore. I only had a genital sore inside the opening of my vagina (it was also accompanied by horrible burning when i peed and itchiness). It wasn’t swabbed bc by the time i got an appointment it was gone. The guy i disclosed too also knows I had a sore on my vag.

Edited by Mbtb
Didn’t reply

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Roja
3 hours ago, WilsoInAus said:

Actually, this confirms you have an oral infection yourself!

Why? HSV-1 is not only oral, so how can you see that due to the results?  :dunno:

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WilsoInAus

Hey @Mbtb, are you able to tell us what sexual activity took place in the week before the sore appeared?

It is not possible to test that strongly positive post a primary infection. The result indicates a longer term infection and given the high incidence of childhood oral infections the chance this applies to you is very high.

Having said that, a blood test about 16 weeks after the sore appeared is recommended to eliminate HSV-2 as a possibility. Should that test be negative for HSV-2, you can take the sore as a false alarm.

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Mbtb

My boyfriend at the time had a sore on his groin that looked like an ingrown hair. He slept with a girl who got hsv2 from another guy. The other guy has only had the one outbreak like me. The girl just recently had her second outbreak. I got bloodwork done about a month and half after the sore appeared. This guy I just disclosed to, how do I fix this?

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WilsoInAus

@Mbtb all you can do is focus on you and you do or do not have.

Are you now 16 weeks post the sore? If so you test again. 

If HSV-2 is negative you conclude the the sore was something other than herpes. You then have an oral HSV-1 infection to disclose.

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Mbtb

The sore happened in July of 2017. Even if it tests negative for hsv2, it could still be ghsv1. It is possible to carry hsv1 genitally and never have an outbreak again. I told my gyno my symptoms and what the sore looked like and she said it sounded like herpes and then did my bloodwork. I’m more concerned with my disclosure to this guy honestly. It could be that I’ve carried hsv1 longer than I initially thought but I’ve never had a coldsore before orally. The sore I had on my vagina went away after a few days and my partner at the time was also experiencing pain with urination and itching as well.

Edited by Mbtb
Forgot

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Mbtb

Also, the lesion I had at the opening of my vagina looked like a cankersore but more of a red outline and more of a yellow center

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WilsoInAus

@Mbtb I think it is a good chance to reflect upon what evidence actually exists here. In life, the simplest, most rational explanation is almost invariably the correct one

It is very easy to complicate matters.

Your testing indicates a longer term infections. Odds are this is a childhood infection. That fact that you have no living memory of oral cold sores is consistent with about half of people with HSV-1 from childhood.

Next steps. You approach things with maturity and honesty. You say his concerns led you to review the information and sort fact from supposition. You’ve added some new facts to the story and the best explanation is that you have an oral HSV-1 infection.

Suggest tbat you mutually test to compare results and then make a choice to proceed or otherwise.

 

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Mbtb

I feel like if I say all this now it will confuse him even more. Either way, we both have hsv1

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WilsoInAus
5 minutes ago, Mbtb said:

I feel like if I say all this now it will confuse him even more. Either way, we both have hsv1

I think it adds significant simplicity and clarity compared to the almost web of intrigue the full story holds!

Nevertheless the critical point you have raised, the comment is as follows “we are the envy of many couples, we both have HSV-1 which means we have the least to worry about of any couples with immunity against further infection as good as it gets”.

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Mbtb

Thank you, that last part made me feel a little better. I hope he realizes that regardless, I have hsv1 and the fact that he had a coldsore (even though it was just 1 when he was younger) means he also has hsv1 as well. 

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tiffannybrown

This guy sounds like a loser... first off... he is 30 dating a 20 year old...... red flag 1. 

 

Red flag 2- "He said it’s the same but it’s kinda different." no... its really the same exact virus. 

 

Red flag 3- no cuddling? 

He sounds like a really immature guy, and I think in this case your GHSV1 was a blessing in disguise to keep you away from this loser. 

 

 

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