This is just a chat for lesbians,as sex is a little different.
Please bear with me, because this is a bit detailed.
About 6 months back, I tested positive for both HSV1 & 2 (IGG) after having a couple canker-like sores inside my mouth along with a couple of flat sores down there, which I noticed in the shower. When I was diagnosed, it was at a very stressful time in my life which must have lowered my immunity to produce my first symptoms in memory. My doctor was casual about my results, saying it was not something I needed to worry much about and that it was very common, and given I likely had this for years (anywhere from 6-12 years, given my sexual history and given that I have been celibate and single for 6 years). This was my first ever bout of mild symptoms, and he thought I might not necessarily have an outbreak again. I put it out of my mind and was relieved that my symptoms cleared up quickly.
A couple months after I was diagnosed, I met someone (a woman, I am a lesbian) who pursued me and things between us moved quickly. For the most part, we have only kissed a few times but one night we both had a bit to drink, and we ended up in bed briefly. For a very brief moment, the only contact she had with me is that she touched me down there (fingered me for less than half a minute), but she did touch herself at some point after.
A few weeks later, I noticed another small sore down there when I was in the shower, and I understood that I would need to share this with her if things were to progress, as I was having my first recurrence. I did some research on safe lesbian sex and herpes and was gutted to read that it can shed silently even without symptoms present. My ex-girlfriend used to occasionally get cold sores on her lip when stressed and I knew never to kiss her then, but I never imagined that this could be contagious without a visible sore present.
I am absolutely distraught, and plan on speaking to her as soon as she is back from travelling. I am beside myself that I may have passed this on to her but want to approach the subject carefully and calmly with her so I don't completely freak her out, and also to arm myself with the facts. I have never been in a more miserable position in my life and could really do with some advice. She is the sweetest person and someone I began to really care about and have feelings for. I never would have knowingly put someone at risk, but I was completely under/misinformed about how this virus works.
From everything I have now read, it seems like the risk to her would probably have been low, but at the moment my life has turned into a shell of what it was. Any advice on how to approach this talk would be greatly appreciated.
I was curious if, when you have had oral herpes and you put your mouth on a girls vagina of that automatically would make them have a herpes outbreak? or if just because you have cold sores sometimes you should worry about having bad outbreaks ever?