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Loveyour5elf

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Loveyour5elf

I recently ended a 7yr relationship with the man who gave me HSV1, oral and genital areas. I only had my original outbreak but no symptoms since. It was fine when we were together, no issues. However, I want to get out in the dating pool again and I want to know what the protocol is for discussing my status. Obviously, before sex. But what about kissing... when there aren’t any outbreaks?  Can I not have random makeout sessions anymore? Or even a first kiss on a date? What do you suggest?

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WilsoInAus

What testing did you have to confirm HSV-1, have you tested to be able to conclude you do not have HSV-2?

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Loveyour5elf
20 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

What testing did you have to confirm HSV-1, have you tested to be able to conclude you do not have HSV-2?

Confirmed hsv-1. Does that influence the answer for kissing?

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WilsoInAus

I don’t know, how do you know which locations the virus is?

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daisylover223

I am in the same boat as you, I recently got out of a 6 year relationship where my partner gave me the virus. I have had a few dates but I wasn't sure if and when I should discuss my virus with them. 

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WilsoInAus

The first thing to note is that people generally do not disclose HSV-1. Most are comfortable that this is an assumed risk in life and has no role to play in forming a relationship. This is mainly because people have had their oral HSV-1 since childhood and it has generally receded well in their minds and they have observed its commonality in society.

Some people are more informed about transmission possibilities and disclose they have HSV-1. This is either upfront or before genital sex. Many do not disclose HSV-1 before kissing. 

Indeed many people do not disclose any form of herpes until the relationship is more established.

Hence there is no societal standard only your ethical and moral standards you wish to allow for. These allow for all of the following options:

1. Before any physical contact.

2. Before sexual activity involving genitals and the infection region.

3. When the relationship is established, say several months.

4. Never.

There are pros and cons of all of these options, but only 1 will align to your particular circumstances, including the community you live in and your ethical and moral standards.

When I was going, I never disclosed my HSV-1 Infection, furthest from the mind of a teenage boy. My first wife knew early on as I had an outbreak before first kiss even. She was unfazed. During single days for casual partners I would always tell if asked, but didn’t offer typically. For more serious dates it was probably 50/50 as to before kissing but always before oral sex. 

I have never requested disclosure of herpes, sometimes STD panel results though.

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Atrapasueños

Estoy en la misma situación con las diferencia de que tengo muchos síntomas 

_______________________

I am in the same situation with the difference that I have many symptoms

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WilsoInAus
2 hours ago, Atrapasueños said:

Estoy en la misma situación con las diferencia de que tengo muchos síntomas 

_______________________

I am in the same situation with the difference that I have many symptoms

No you are not the same, your symptoms are not related to herpes.

You can do it man, make 2019 the year you get your life back get over that woman and find a new love - we  are all behind you. 

Be the MAN you are destined to be!

Edited by WilsoInAus

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RNY18

Co confused & sad,

Tested positive for 1 & 2 in Nov. 2018, never had an oral OB, that I know of.

I have had genital symptoms twice in 2 years.

Have not been with anyone in 16 months since last relationship.

Dreading "disclosing" to any potential partner. Cant imagine any negative woman willing to take the risk.

Any advice appreciated.

Thanks

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LoganPaten
On 1/23/2019 at 3:12 AM, Loveyour5elf said:

HSV1

It's horrifying 

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  • Posts

    • WilsoInAus
      That's exactly right, you can return to your life and get the blood test as a sleep easy in 12 weeks time (from the last episode).
    • Laurenhelena
      Him and his ex have regular breakouts with all the traditional symptoms and I believe he was swabbed.  So I can return to life as it was before all of this drama ? I may still look into a blood test is I am confident it is accurate 
    • WilsoInAus
      @Laurenhelena how is this guy sure he has herpes? All sounding a bit odd to me. Yes it is very unlikely you will develop lesions now. Rubbing skin to skin is required for any feasible transmission chance. The odds of transmission with unprotected vaginal sex are of the order of 0.08% per epsiode. Halve this if a condom is worn. Compare that to chamydia that has about a 33% chance of transmission with unprotected sex; now that's contagious!
    • Laurenhelena
      I just feel that it’s known as such a contagious STD - I’ve been lying to my family cause when I tried to talk about it they became very anxious and begged me to tell them I hadn’t slept with him when I had - If someone told me that they slept with someone with genital herpes my mind would instantly think they had it.  So it’s unlikely then that I’m going to get symptoms now? I’m not going anything further with that guy but we have cuddled and kissed in bed with underwear on, is that ok?  Im quite sure he has hsv2 given that his ex gave it to him through a threesome  I’ve never had a cold sore   
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Laurenhelena i think by your own admission you are letting fear get the better of you. Any flu symptoms (immune toxic shock) happen after the lesions, not before. Remember that most instances of sexual activity do not result in transmission of herpes. In the end it takes one exposure... but how many times has the person received oral sex from someone with HSV-1? or had sex with someone with HSV-2 even if they didn't know it was present? The UK has amongst the lowest incidence of genital HSV-2 in the world! There's a very good chance he has HSV-1. This means much lower transmission chances than you might think and even a chance it is near zero if you have an oral HSV-1 infection yourself!
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