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lucie332

Is uncertainty the worst thing?

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lucie332

Herpes has been ruining my life for five years, and I'm not even 100% sure that I have it yet! I had my first symptoms after oral sex with a guy who had a coldsore - we were both 16 year old virgins and had no idea herpes could be transmitted this way. So: a large lump, burning, itching, leg pain: apparently a clear-cut case. Except that the lump went down after 2 weeks but the pain stayed, and hasn't gone away since, although I have had no further OBs. I was told by the first doctor I saw that herpes can't be transmitted when there are no open sores, so I went on having unprotected sex with my BF. He then came out with these weird symptoms that were more like yeast than herpes: a rash, peeling and no pain. He refused to see a doctor for TWO YEARS, by which time there were no more visible symptoms and he was told it was most likely yeast. Meanwhile, i saw about ten different doctors who all had different opinions: this has to be herpes, this can't be herpes; and who told me a load of BS: for example that you can't catch GH from coldsores. I was prescribed a load of useless and expensive medecine (Zelitrex, zovirax, yeast treatments, herbal treatments... you name it).

It was three years before a slightly more enlightened doctor told me that a blood test existed - about time! It came back negative and I was so relieved, I felt like I was being given a second chance.

I met a new guy and was careful at first only to practise safe sex, as I knew I definately had something (and no, I didn't tell him about it. I know, I know). Except one evening we were really drunk and left off the condoms... and lo and behold, two weeks later he comes out with the same symptoms as my ex. I confessed all (it was the least I could do) and encouraged him to see a doctor. He refused, claiming the whole thing was "in my head" (!) and that the rash was just an ordinary irritation. Talk about denial!

I went to have a second HSV test. This one also came back negative, but the lab tech told me the test was useless as herpes sometimes doesn't produce antibodies (it was a type-specific IGg test).

So basically, I have been suffering from constant pain for five years now, and no-one is capable of telling me what I have.

The thing is, I'm not sure I even want to know. Sure, the pain and not knowing where it's coming from is driving me crazy. But I don't know if I could take knowing the truth, at least this way I still have a little hope. Deep down, I feel that it's herpes though.

I go crazy when I see articles about celebrities like Paris Hilton and Jessica Alba who are rumored to have herpes and comments like "Oh, she's ruined/sullied now, shame 'cos she's hot". This kind of insensitive talk makes me really mad, but at the same time it's the way I feel about myself. I'm nice-looking and I get quite a lot of male attention, but everytime a guy hits on me I think "Hell, if only he knew!".

I was really pleased to find this forum and talk to people who are going through the same thing. Good luck to all of you.

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catiesmom

If the second time you got tested was 2 years after your initial symptoms, i'd say that's a pretty sure negative. And i believe the IgG test is reliable, so if that's what you had both times, you might want to consider looking for other answers. Doctors can be TOTAL morons, but eventually maybe you'll come across one who can help you out. Honestly, to me, it doesn't sound like HSV if both of your exes were getting the same symptoms and you've got constant pain.

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