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Rockster

Would you have done something different in your sex-life in retrospektive? 

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Rockster

Regarding herpes

Was just wondering

Would you have done something different in your sexlife in retrospektive? 
What would you have done in retrospektive?

What advice would you give someone who does not have HSV yet?

 

 

Me: (I have hpv)
I would not have done gangbangs with prostitutes - cause they come in contact with massive number of different sexpartners. 
Or at least use barrier gel / desinfect before & after it (also the same in the swinging scene). My advice would be the same. Condoms i take as a given. 

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cowpoke02

moved away and  had sex love with  better quality women around the world ./ worked in country that paid me the best of army job while setting up a life in cheap free er country ...  had sex with right people. different women ..  isolated around the wrong people.  clueless john boy vs nymph back door scumbags . fear trusting people seeing few bad people chronic sex partners and crazy yet women keep lining up . wonder who sleeps with them . haha.  outside your box .  be free and make good choices ..  have relationships even f short term .  most likely not infected and hit and run ..  life important .. young and dumb settled down but didn't know enough options ..  learn the hard way . 

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Kurdt01

Would’ve worn condoms and not been such a skank in my early twenties. Haha

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Hopefloats30

So.. the guy I contracted this from was a long term boyfriend so I was done from the get go... But I should have still taken better care of myself. I should have protected my body more. I wish I wouldn't have thought as myself as bullet proof  or I was being loved on. I just wish I could change my sex life and my way of thinking about it. Actually, if I would have stayed away from that long term boyfriend and went with my ex husband and stayed with him ... I would not have this in my life right now. I would be safe right now if I would have taken gods path... But I'm a fucking sinner that has to now live with my consequences and now I can never enjoy the one thing I loved. 

Edited by Hopefloats30

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ConfusedinNH
1 hour ago, Hopefloats30 said:

So.. the guy I contracted this from was a long term boyfriend so I was done from the get go... But I should have still taken better care of myself. I should have protected my body more. I wish I wouldn't have thought as myself as bullet proof  or I was being loved on. I just wish I could change my sex life and my way of thinking about it. Actually, if I would have stayed away from that long term boyfriend and went with my ex husband and stayed with him ... I would not have this in my life right now. I would be safe right now if I would have taken gods path... But I'm a fucking sinner that has to now live with my consequences and now I can never enjoy the one thing I loved. 

I’m with you @Hopefloats30 I wish I just stayed in my loveless marriage instead of ruining my family to find real love only to find herpes and be sick and miserable and gross every day.  I guess I deserve this for being selfish. 

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Hopefloats30
7 minutes ago, ConfusedinNH said:

I’m with you @Hopefloats30 I wish I just stayed in my loveless marriage instead of ruining my family to find real love only to find herpes and be sick and miserable and gross every day.  I guess I deserve this for being selfish. 

Well we definitely don't deserve this... We were nieve and just wanting something more... Thinking that it wouldn't hurt if we tried.. you don't deserve to be in a loveless marriage either. You deserve to be loved in any way a man or a woman deserves to be loved. And one day we are going to find it because this does not define us. 

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T9000

Yeah rule number one is kind of don't have sex with a prostitute. That's probably the fastest way imaginable to get herpes. I'm shocked when I see guys on here say that they didn't think they were at such a high risk when sleeping with a prostitute. I would think that a prostitute having herpes would be a given. As for myself, I'm not entirely sure what I would do differently. If I could go back in time and change something, then I obviously would not have had sex with my giver. But to be honest, if I could go back in time, I would go back 8 years to being 18 and redo the entirety of my adult life. Sleeping with fewer men probably would have been a part of that I guess, but only because I would hopefully have had access to a normal social life, and therefore normal stable relationships. I guess if I knew what I know now, I would probably be too afraid to have casual sex. However at the same time, it sucks to think that I would have had to encumber my sexual experiences, because I have always enjoyed sexual spontaneity. I guess it would have been some mixture of getting to know the person first, and asking if they have ever had genital sores or oral sores. I don't know if I still would go as far as to demand a blood test from every potential partner, but with herpes as a threat, it's honestly the only way to fully protect yourself.

Edited by T9000

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T9000
6 hours ago, Hopefloats30 said:

So.. the guy I contracted this from was a long term boyfriend so I was done from the get go... But I should have still taken better care of myself. I should have protected my body more. I wish I wouldn't have thought as myself as bullet proof  or I was being loved on. I just wish I could change my sex life and my way of thinking about it. Actually, if I would have stayed away from that long term boyfriend and went with my ex husband and stayed with him ... I would not have this in my life right now. I would be safe right now if I would have taken gods path... But I'm a fucking sinner that has to now live with my consequences and now I can never enjoy the one thing I loved. 

If you got this from a long term relationship then there’s realistically nothing you could have done differently. The only thing you could have done differently is have required a blood test prior to first having sex, but the overwhelming majority of people are not doing this, nor are they even aware that they or their partners have never been tested. At some point you have to accept that this isn't your fault, and there's nothing you could have done differently. Some things are just tragedies, and aren't necessarily anyone's fault. If anything I guess you could blame the medical community for not helping to prevent infections, but even if it was routinely tested for, there's no guarantee that a person would ever be tested in between partners, or that their test would definitively show a positive. At the end of the day, a lot of the infections are really just an unfortunate consequence of the disease being unpreventable. 

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Hopefloats30

You are right. I just got to forgive myself and accept that I now live with this forever. Even getting a blood test before wouldn't have helped. He was a horn dog and loved cheating.. but yes there was nothing I could have done differently besides not being attracted to him when I met him... That didn't work out obviously... But anyways.. thanks for the reply I appreciate it. 

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T9000
12 minutes ago, Hopefloats30 said:

You are right. I just got to forgive myself and accept that I now live with this forever. Even getting a blood test before wouldn't have helped. He was a horn dog and loved cheating.. but yes there was nothing I could have done differently besides not being attracted to him when I met him... That didn't work out obviously... But anyways.. thanks for the reply I appreciate it. 

No problem. Yeah cheaters are a good way to get herpes. I always tried to stay away from the men who seemed like "high scorers" when I was younger, but at some point I think I became less vigilant. As for the blood test, yeah technically it could have prevented it if you were lucky with the timing, but it just isn't something people do. Doctors don't like to give them out unless they have good cause to believe you have it, so it isn't necessarily easy to even have done unless you do to one of those direct lab testing places. Also if it's hsv1, people can always just assume that it's an oral infection and they aren't susceptible to getting it genitally. I sometimes wonder if I would have made that mistake even if I had known my giver had it. The bottom line is that people really need to have it impressed upon them that having sex with someone infected with ANY kind of herpes is dangerous, and that they should be at least somewhat discerning about it. This might mean at least asking the potential partner if they've ever had any kind of symptoms. However neither educators nor medical professionals are doing this, so of course people keep getting infected and having their lives turned upside down.

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Miss Horne
12 hours ago, Rockster said:

Regarding herpes

Was just wondering

Would you have done something different in your sexlife in retrospektive? 
What would you have done in retrospektive?

What advice would you give someone who does not have HSV yet?

 

 

Me: (I have hpv)
I would not have done gangbangs with prostitutes - cause they come in contact with massive number of different sexpartners. 
Or at least use barrier gel / desinfect before & after it (also the same in the swinging scene). My advice would be the same. Condoms i take as a given.

Yes I would have remained a virgin and waited until one of these artificial intelligence sex robots they are currently working on to do the deed. No chance of catching any STD’s and they last longer in bed. My model would be constantly on charge and I would have fried the circuits in no time, if you know what I mean ;)

 

Edited by Miss Horne

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Newone2

Yes. I would have told the girl that gave me this to go fuck herself the moment I found out she had cold sores instead of allowing everyone to convince me it was (no big deal) and I shouldn't leave over a cold sore. Maybe her cold sores aren't a big deal but my newly acquired genital hsv1 definitely is. People suck.

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IloveCoco
On 2/2/2019 at 9:07 PM, ConfusedinNH said:

I’m with you @Hopefloats30 I wish I just stayed in my loveless marriage instead of ruining my family to find real love only to find herpes and be sick and miserable and gross every day.  I guess I deserve this for being selfish. 

That makes us 3! I wish I would have stayed with with my longterm boyfriend even though I was not feeling sexually satisfied with him. Instead, me wanting to find fulfilling sex/ pleasure while being single just found herpes. And it sucks because I used a condom, no oral sex, nor french kissing because I was trying to play it safe!

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IloveCoco
On 2/3/2019 at 2:15 AM, T9000 said:

Yeah rule number one is kind of don't have sex with a prostitute. That's probably the fastest way imaginable to get herpes. I'm shocked when I see guys on here say that they didn't think they were at such a high risk when sleeping with a prostitute. I would think that a prostitute having herpes would be a given. As for myself, I'm not entirely sure what I would do differently. If I could go back in time and change something, then I obviously would not have had sex with my giver. But to be honest, if I could go back in time, I would go back 8 years to being 18 and redo the entirety of my adult life. Sleeping with fewer men probably would have been a part of that I guess, but only because I would hopefully have had access to a normal social life, and therefore normal stable relationships. I guess if I knew what I know now, I would probably be too afraid to have casual sex. However at the same time, it sucks to think that I would have had to encumber my sexual experiences, because I have always enjoyed sexual spontaneity. I guess it would have been some mixture of getting to know the person first, and asking if they have ever had genital sores or oral sores. I don't know if I still would go as far as to demand a blood test from every potential partner, but with herpes as a threat, it's honestly the only way to fully protect yourself.

I agree with maybe having less sex partners and no casual sex or asking for their stds results before... It sucks because I was starting to have casual sex after a very long term relationship and this happens when I protected myself. I'm so mad for trusting too much..

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IloveCoco
On 2/3/2019 at 1:16 PM, Newone2 said:

Yes. I would have told the girl that gave me this to go fuck herself the moment I found out she had cold sores instead of allowing everyone to convince me it was (no big deal) and I shouldn't leave over a cold sore. Maybe her cold sores aren't a big deal but my newly acquired genital hsv1 definitely is. People suck.

So sorry for your situation. Not wanting to make people feel bad and this is what we get in return. People do really suck.

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Ashia

No. This disease doesn't discriminate. There are virgins on here who have been infected with this virus. This disease is deeply stigmatized and yet, you do not have to be promiscuous to get it.  

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Rockster

 

Will do one of these things in the future. 

I guess. 
Eg oral with condom on

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Newone2
3 hours ago, IloveCoco said:

So sorry for your situation. Not wanting to make people feel bad and this is what we get in return. People do really suck.

Thanks. For what it’s worth I’m sorry for your situation as well. I honestly don’t care about anyone’s feelings anymore and never will again as long as I live. This selfish bitch didn’t care if she passed it on because it’s “no big deal” so I fully intend to ruin her life in return.  If passing on an incurable  disease to someone is no big deal then purposely wasting the prime years of her life shouldn’t be a big deal either. I don’t care if it takes 20 years for a cure. When it comes I’m getting it and leaving her where she stands. Until then I’ll pretend like I don’t hate the air she breaths and drop her like the trash she is the moment I’m free from this curse. Hopefully by then she won’t be able to have kids. Seems fair to me. She took my dick so I’ll take away her shot at a family. No big deal. 

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IloveCoco
26 minutes ago, Newone2 said:

Thanks. For what it’s worth I’m sorry for your situation as well. I honestly don’t care about anyone’s feelings anymore and never will again as long as I live. This selfish bitch didn’t care if she passed it on because it’s “no big deal” so I fully intend to ruin her life in return.  If passing on an incurable  disease to someone is no big deal then purposely wasting the prime years of her life shouldn’t be a big deal either. I don’t care if it takes 20 years for a cure. When it comes I’m getting it and leaving her where she stands. Until then I’ll pretend like I don’t hate the air she breaths and drop her like the trash she is the moment I’m free from this curse. Hopefully by then she won’t be able to have kids. Seems fair to me. She took my dick so I’ll take away her shot at a family. No big deal. 

So you're going to continue in a relationship with her? You have guts. I hate the mofo that did this to me. I feel so disgusted with him. I could never. 

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Newone2
30 minutes ago, IloveCoco said:

So you're going to continue in a relationship with her? You have guts. I hate the mofo that did this to me. I feel so disgusted with him. I could never. 

Yep that’s the plan. Either until a cure comes around or she’s too old to have children. Like I said I’m going to ruin her life for this. Her cold sore having ass isn’t getting away with fucking my life up scott free.  Maybe after I waste ten or more years of her life and leave her alone in her mid 40s she will think twice about fucking someone’s life up. Bitch should have found someone else with cold sores since they are sooo common instead of guilting/deceiving me into catching this. 

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IloveCoco
5 minutes ago, Newone2 said:

Yep that’s the plan. Either until a cure comes around or she’s too old to have children. Like I said I’m going to ruin her life for this. Her cold sore having ass isn’t getting away with fucking my life up scott free.  Maybe after I waste ten or more years of her life and leave her alone in her mid 40s she will think twice about fucking someone’s life up. Bitch should have found someone else with cold sores since they are sooo common instead of guilting/deceiving me into catching this. 

I feel like you're going to make yourself miserable even more having to see this person everyday that you don't like. I know it really really sucks to have our sex lives determined by this now, but you're making yourself more miserable being next to her. I think you should find someone else that prob has the same thing or someone more accepting. I know it's hard. I want to be with someone I like but I do not want to infect him and he wants to see me in 2 days.. I can't keep giving him excuses, this sucks so much!

Edited by IloveCoco

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jmherped
On 2/2/2019 at 10:15 PM, Rockster said:

Regarding herpes

Was just wondering

Would you have done something different in your sexlife in retrospektive? 
What would you have done in retrospektive?

What advice would you give someone who does not have HSV yet?

 

 

Me: (I have hpv)
I would not have done gangbangs with prostitutes - cause they come in contact with massive number of different sexpartners. 
Or at least use barrier gel / desinfect before & after it (also the same in the swinging scene). My advice would be the same. Condoms i take as a given. 

I would not have eaten that (unbeknownst to me) ex-prostitute's radioactive pussy.  The half body dragon tattoo should have tipped me off, but you know, 30 beers.... 

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Roja
8 hours ago, Newone2 said:

Yep that’s the plan. Either until a cure comes around or she’s too old to have children. Like I said I’m going to ruin her life for this. Her cold sore having ass isn’t getting away with fucking my life up scott free.  Maybe after I waste ten or more years of her life and leave her alone in her mid 40s she will think twice about fucking someone’s life up. Bitch should have found someone else with cold sores since they are sooo common instead of guilting/deceiving me into catching this. 

So you the main reason of your life will be to destroy someone's life instead of enjoying yours? ;-) 

Have you ever though about the possibility that somewhere out there might be the hottest, loveliest, coolest girl waiting for you - one who doesn't even care about your HSV+ or (even more possible!) being HSV+ by herself? 

Maybe you'd hurt your GF even more if you leave her and are happy. Because even though you'll "destroy" her life, you'll still be with her. Have you ever thought about that? 

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JHenry

I would have to say after being diagnosed 30+ years ago, it has made me reevaluate how to define trust and fairness.  I was naive, being raised to believe people in general were honest and forthright.   I realize now, that is not necessarily true.

While I was not happy with my “giver”, I honestly can’t say that I carried a white heat of anger.  I was also raised to believe anger, ill will and hostility—in the end hurts me more than those it is directed towards.

I questioned my giver, they maintained they had no idea of their status and was being 100% truthful.  Knowing what we now know (the vast majority of those infected are unaware of it) it is plausible that they did not know of their status and sadly, some people are just plain “dumb”.  It’s also true, “back then” we knew nothing of asymptomatic shedding.  When I was diagnosed, my primary care physician, being prone to cold sores-ASSURED me there was no way the virus could be spread without the presence of an outbreak.  Science and times change-now we know different. 

While I’ll never be able to see my way completely through the weeds on who did, who didn’t, “what if”, etc., it does little good to continue looking back and revisiting the accident scene.  Backpacking anger and hostility only hurts us in the end, stressing our systems and serving as a barrier to healthier, positive outlook.  

We must rip the rear view mirrors off and fix our eyes ahead through the windshield.   Let go a little and trust in knowing the future is ours, the Calvary is headed our way with better solutions-whether it be an absolute cure, functional cure, etc.   Everyone, somewhere along the road in life gets tripped up, but we have to keep picking ourselves up, over and over and over.

Throughout the years I have collected “sayings”, below are a few to help all of us through our difficult times, personal and professional:

“No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up and never give up.”

”I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn’t sorry, and accept an apology I never received.”

”Once you have accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.”

”Cry a river. Build a bridge. Get over it.”

”Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.”

”Note to self: Let shit go.”

”People who wonder whether the glass is half empty of half full are missing the point.   The glass is REFILLABLE”.

”You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”

”Chin up princess or the crown slips.”

”The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. The first to forget is the happiest.”

”What defines us is how well we rise after falling.”

”Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.”

“We must all remember not to die before we are dead.”

Lastly , a zinger to end on:  ”A wise woman once said “fuck this shit” and she lived happily ever after.”  :-)

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    • IloveCoco
      Omg you crack me up. Being reckless is sleeping with a condom and not having any other sexy foreplay before just in case? This was not a random dude I just met at the bar that night, he had been talking to me for 3 months before.  The lawyer was reckless for not disclosing or taking antivirals or whatever. I trusted him for being so nice to me. 
    • IloveCoco
      How could I have gotten hsv1 on my genitals as a child??? I’ve never had a coldsore either in my life. My body changed after I had sex with that idiot, which sucked  and it’s not pointless to know who did this to you when in some states it’s considered a crime to transmit an std to another person. 
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