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lali

How to have safe sex?

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lali

How can i have sex and taking less chances as possible to transmit the virus? I am on valacyclovir therapy and i've had herpes for 2 years and a half. I get ob's if i don't take the meds. So i know using condoms. But what if he touches me or wants to perform oral? Do people really use dental dams? And my main concern is if he touches me and then proceeds to touch himself and put a condom? Should he wash his hands everytime he touches me? I don't really understand how condoms protect. Supposedly the virus can also transmit in vaginal discharge so how is condoms protecting himself? Not to get into details intentionally but i always soak the bed so theres a lot of natural lubricant that could transmit, so how does it work? I don't get it!?!?!

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lali

On top of that, no oral sex anymore i guess right if you have both type. Because who wants to give oral with condom or dental dam...

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Newone2

Find someone that also has it. Problem solved. No matter how safe you try and be with a uninfected person you can and will eventually always transmit it. It sucks but it’s the truth. Wish someone had been brutally honest with me instead of sugar coating it so here is some honesty for you. 

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CanadianGuy
1 hour ago, Newone2 said:

Find someone that also has it. Problem solved. No matter how safe you try and be with a uninfected person you can and will eventually always transmit it. It sucks but it’s the truth. Wish someone had been brutally honest with me instead of sugar coating it so here is some honesty for you. 

How can you make such a claim? I've heard of discordant partners who have been together for years without transmission. Just because it didn't work out for you doesn't mean it won't work out for others. We have no idea what precautions, if any, were taken in your situation.

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Newone2
1 hour ago, CanadianGuy said:

How can you make such a claim? I've heard of discordant partners who have been together for years without transmission. Just because it didn't work out for you doesn't mean it won't work out for others. We have no idea what precautions, if any, were taken in your situation.

Telling someone they won’t pass it on to an uninfected  individual it complete bullshit. It is only a matter of time. That is the truth. It might not be the first or the thousandth time but it will happen eventually if you are together long enough. I’ve seen the stories of discordant couples being together for years with no transmission as well. All that means is it hasn’t happened yet or the other partner is asymptotic. If it didn’t pass on none of us would be here. 

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CanadianGuy
1 hour ago, Newone2 said:

Telling someone they won’t pass it on to an uninfected  individual it complete bullshit. It is only a matter of time. That is the truth. It might not be the first or the thousandth time but it will happen eventually if you are together long enough. I’ve seen the stories of discordant couples being together for years with no transmission as well. All that means is it hasn’t happened yet or the other partner is asymptotic. If it didn’t pass on none of us would be here. 

Were valtrex and condoms both being used when you suspect infection took place?

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Roja

I am sure there are lots of couples who have not transmitted it to the other person (or the other person is asymptomatic and has no problems at all). The thing is these people are not writing in forums like honeycomb. 

Edited by Roja

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Miss Horne
19 hours ago, lali said:

Not to get into details intentionally but i always soak the bed so theres a lot of natural lubricant 

Me too hash tag ;)

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Morpheo

I was on a relationship for 3 years..no infection to my partner...another one for 2 years..no infection.....there is a risk?..always, but its the same with contraceptives, there is always a risk..for both stds and pregnancy there is not such thing as safe sex, just safer sex...dont let this shit own your life..you can get a gf, you can have sex, you can have children just..do what the dr tells you..you are probably safer than asymptomatic unaware carrier...wich are the bast majority

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lali

But again, nobody is answering my questions. This website is useless. I'm done. I'm asking how have you guys been going about with sex??? What precautions have you taken???? Not just condoms and dental dams, wash hands after touching?? Like hooowwww?

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lali
13 hours ago, Roja said:

I am sure there are lots of couples who have not transmitted it to the other person (or the other person is asymptomatic and has no problems at all). The thing is these people are not writing in forums like honeycomb. 

To people who have not transmit it i would like to know how they protect the other partner.

2 hours ago, Morpheo said:

I was on a relationship for 3 years..no infection to my partner...another one for 2 years..no infection.....there is a risk?..always, but its the same with contraceptives, there is always a risk..for both stds and pregnancy there is not such thing as safe sex, just safer sex...dont let this shit own your life..you can get a gf, you can have sex, you can have children just..do what the dr tells you..you are probably safer than asymptomatic unaware carrier...wich are the bast majority

What have you done to protect your partners?? And you are positive they haven't caught it?

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lali
13 hours ago, CanadianGuy said:

Were valtrex and condoms both being used when you suspect infection took place?

I would like to know too.

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lali
18 hours ago, Newone2 said:

Find someone that also has it. Problem solved. No matter how safe you try and be with a uninfected person you can and will eventually always transmit it. It sucks but it’s the truth. Wish someone had been brutally honest with me instead of sugar coating it so here is some honesty for you. 

Sorry nearly impossible. Its not written on people's face and im looking for a genuine true connection which is hard to come by. Or else I'll just stay single. 

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Happybee
On 2/9/2019 at 5:08 PM, lali said:

How can i have sex and taking less chances as possible to transmit the virus? I am on valacyclovir therapy and i've had herpes for 2 years and a half. I get ob's if i don't take the meds. So i know using condoms. But what if he touches me or wants to perform oral? Do people really use dental dams? And my main concern is if he touches me and then proceeds to touch himself and put a condom? Should he wash his hands everytime he touches me? I don't really understand how condoms protect. Supposedly the virus can also transmit in vaginal discharge so how is condoms protecting himself? Not to get into details intentionally but i always soak the bed so theres a lot of natural lubricant that could transmit, so how does it work? I don't get it!?!?!

I take valtrex when I want to have sex just to be safe*I dont have sex if I feel a outbreak or tingly going on..My boyfriend went down in me orally 5 times..beginning of our relationship but I told him no because thats gross I care to much about him to protect him to try to get herpes..Wash hands yes*Use condoms* whatever safe you feel then do it* shit I spray lysol in my bathroom constantly * I made my doctor give me a csection for my last child I don't have time to risk anthing

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lali
1 hour ago, Happybee said:

I take valtrex when I want to have sex just to be safe*I dont have sex if I feel a outbreak or tingly going on..My boyfriend went down in me orally 5 times..beginning of our relationship but I told him no because thats gross I care to much about him to protect him to try to get herpes..Wash hands yes*Use condoms* whatever safe you feel then do it* shit I spray lysol in my bathroom constantly * I made my doctor give me a csection for my last child I don't have time to risk anthing

Thank you for answering! 

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Roja
3 hours ago, lali said:

To people who have not transmit it i would like to know how they protect the other partner.

What have you done to protect your partners?? And you are positive they haven't caught it?

1) Do not have sex if you feel any tingling, pain, etc. 

2) Use condoms whenever possible.

3) Wash daily (but that's also a good advice for people without herpes, haha). I also like to wash my vagina right before sex. 

4) Take medication if it makes you feel safer and you don't feel any side effects. 

5) Try to prevent outbreaks: Eat well, sleep much and regularly, move as much as possible. 

6) If I had an outbreak, I like to wait around 7-10 days for having sex after the lesion is completely gone. 

Hope that helps! 

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Roja
1 hour ago, Happybee said:

I take valtrex when I want to have sex just to be safe*I dont have sex if I feel a outbreak or tingly going on..My boyfriend went down in me orally 5 times..beginning of our relationship but I told him no because thats gross I care to much about him to protect him to try to get herpes..Wash hands yes*Use condoms* whatever safe you feel then do it* shit I spray lysol in my bathroom constantly * I made my doctor give me a csection for my last child I don't have time to risk anthing

Please, don't say it is "gross". Herpes already has such a strong, negative stigma. We need to make people understand that it is not "gross" or "ugly" or whatever if you have herpes. Why should I feel disgusting for a skin condition I couldn't even protect myself from? 

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lali
3 minutes ago, Roja said:

1) Do not have sex if you feel any tingling, pain, etc. 

2) Use condoms whenever possible.

3) Wash daily (but that's also a good advice for people without herpes, haha). I also like to wash my vagina right before sex. 

4) Take medication if it makes you feel safer and you don't feel any side effects. 

5) Try to prevent outbreaks: Eat well, sleep much and regularly, move as much as possible. 

6) If I had an outbreak, I like to wait around 7-10 days for having sex after the lesion is completely gone. 

Hope that helps! 

Yes thank you for answering! Just wondering also if you ever transmitted the virus to anyone?

Edited by lali

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Roja
6 minutes ago, lali said:

Yes thank you for answering! Just wondering also if you ever transmitted the virus to anyone?

Yes, I transmitted it once (as far as I know) to a guy's lips. It was at the very beginning (I had herpes for less than a year) and he went oral on me. I felt horrible, because I actually felt some prodromes during this time, but doctors told me there would be hardly any risk without an active lesion with liquid ¬¬

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lali
1 minute ago, Roja said:

Yes, I transmitted it once (as far as I know) to a guy's lips. It was at the very beginning (I had herpes for less than a year) and he went oral on me. I felt horrible, because I actually felt some prodromes during this time, but doctors told me there would be hardly any risk without an active lesion with liquid ¬¬

Ah doctors always giving out false information i swear. But you were still in your first year! Makes sense. Thank you for the answers  :)

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Happybee
8 hours ago, Roja said:

Please, don't say it is "gross". Herpes already has such a strong, negative stigma. We need to make people understand that it is not "gross" or "ugly" or whatever if you have herpes. Why should I feel disgusting for a skin condition I couldn't even protect myself from? 

Im sure everyone on this site couldn't even protect themselves thats why we find our selfs here. I apoligize if your offended I call herpes gross but I have herpes and I think its gross* I was clean before si had herpes now I always gotta worry abput outbreaks being in pain, not transmitting it..it is a ugly diease exspecially to the that care about not transmitted it..Its a hard diease to live with..why wish that on the next person just because we have it..I consider that ugly to think about and stress comes with it..my opinion 

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lali
4 hours ago, Happybee said:

Im sure everyone on this site couldn't even protect themselves thats why we find our selfs here. I apoligize if your offended I call herpes gross but I have herpes and I think its gross* I was clean before si had herpes now I always gotta worry abput outbreaks being in pain, not transmitting it..it is a ugly diease exspecially to the that care about not transmitted it..Its a hard diease to live with..why wish that on the next person just because we have it..I consider that ugly to think about and stress comes with it..my opinion 

I think most of us caught it from people who never told us or didn't know they had it so didn't know how to take precautions though. I know how you feel but I don't agree saying we've all became dirty.

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Roja
1 hour ago, lali said:

I think most of us caught it from people who never told us or didn't know they had it so didn't know how to take precautions though. I know how you feel but I don't agree saying we've all became dirty.

Exactly! 

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Happybee
5 hours ago, lali said:

I think most of us caught it from people who never told us or didn't know they had it so didn't know how to take precautions though. I know how you feel but I don't agree saying we've all became dirty.

 

5 hours ago, lali said:

I think most of us caught it from people who never told us or didn't know they had it so didn't know how to take precautions though. I know how you feel but I don't agree saying we've all became dirty.

I said herpes was gross but gross and dirty are kind of similar... aee you telling me if you ever get an outbreak you dont ever think that little pus or red bumb is not gross? 

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