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lookingforward

sex without condoms

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lookingforward

I was just diagnosed with genital HSV 1 last month (on Thanksgiving Day! Wow, what a great holiday it was!). I was wondering about what this means for my future sex life: will I ever be able to have sex without condoms again? I am in a serious, committed relationship right now (my boyfriend has been wonderful through this; in fact, it has brought us closer. He gave it to me through oral sex when he had an open cold sore on his mouth. Neither of us knew you could pass herpes that way, and it infuriates me that I was never taught this in sex ed... but that is a whole different story). Is it okay to not use condoms if I have no sign of an outbreak? Is there anyone who has unprotected sex who can give me advice? Thank you so much. I'm happy to have found this forum... there have been many rough days so far and I'm glad I've found people to talk to.

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alwaysalone

this might sound horrible but please dont judge me by it. I have sex constantly with outbreaks. My gf is great and we are very close and both have it now thanks to my dumb azz. so yeah. i do it all the time with no condom on and the problem is that if you have an OB (out break) and they dont you can bet your booty they will prolly get one. since we didnt know this could happen we didnt worry, now if one of us has an OB we kinda try to either not have sex or just keep it off each others skin. I know that might sound dumb but im new to this. Also NO oral if you or he even THINKS you have an outbreak. Thats all you need to do is get this crap on your face. i just heard that can happen so i avoid it

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lookingforward

thank you very much for your advice: but what if i dont have an outbreak? is it relatively safe?

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caviar22
this might sound horrible but please dont judge me by it. I have sex constantly with outbreaks. My gf is great and we are very close and both have it now thanks to my dumb azz. so yeah. i do it all the time with no condom on and the problem is that if you have an OB (out break) and they dont you can bet your booty they will prolly get one. since we didnt know this could happen we didnt worry, now if one of us has an OB we kinda try to either not have sex or just keep it off each others skin. I know that might sound dumb but im new to this. Also NO oral if you or he even THINKS you have an outbreak. Thats all you need to do is get this crap on your face. i just heard that can happen so i avoid it

Dude thats so wrong, i hope you dont sleep with other girls like that? Its people like you that makes me so scared im going to catch the disease from a guy!!! :(

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catiesmom

A few things -

First, if alwaysalone and his girlfriend both have it, there's no risk of transmitting it genitally (only the risk of causing an ob), and he's already mentioned he's careful with oral. It's really not that big of a deal, and i'm pretty sure from the things he's said he wouldn't sleep with other girls like that.

Second, lookingforward - if your boyfriend doesn't have it, having sex without a condom when you don't have any symptoms and aren't feeling run down (ie your immune system is ok) you should be fine. Encourage your man to wash up afterwards to further avoid getting it. You shed about 4% of the time you're not having an outbreak, so the chances are low, but he would need to know the chance is STILL THERE, protection/washing/avoiding or not. It's up to how comfortable you two are with the idea he MIGHT get HSV despite your diligence.

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braveb

if you both have the virus, then even with OB you cannot pass it on to them again. They are then immune to getting the virus again. Your doctor should have told you about this when you were diagnosed.

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entropy

further ?

Braveb and Catiesmom

I am just getting over my initial ob of HSV 1, both oral and genital.

It seems like you two are saying conflicting things but it might just be my interpretation.

If we both have the same thing what precautions should we observe about having sex? She has not had any obvious symptoms but there is nowhere else I could have got it from.

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chicago girl

Hi Lookingforward~~

Sounds like you and I are in the same boat. I got it from my boyfriend through oral sex. He does not have it in the genital area. So now, even though he gave me the virus, I have to worry about giving it back to him. I am just getting over my first outbreak and I have the same question as you. I hate using condoms. I have been in 3 comitted relationships during the past 20 years. I never thought it would happen to me. I am not looking forward to a lifetime of condom usage!

I have to say that I was in a major funk since I found out that I have the virus. This website has given me some hope.

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catiesmom

Entropy - if she hasn't had any symptoms, please don't assume she has it. She needs to get tested. You could have a latent infection that has just now reared its head, after years of being dormant. I don't know your personal situation, but the fact that she hasn't had any outbreaks would be worrying to me. If she doesn't have it, you'll need to take all the precautions mentioned between positive/negative couples. If she does have it, you'd have to determine WHERE she has it. If she has it orally, you could still pass it to her genitally and vice versa. Your situation is a bit different - alwaysalone knew he and his gf both have it genitally and don't engage in oral sex.

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alwaysalone
Dude thats so wrong, i hope you dont sleep with other girls like that? Its people like you that makes me so scared im going to catch the disease from a guy!!! :(

No No No the girl i am sleeping with has it and knows i have it. I would NEVER sleep with anyone who didn't know I had it. That is just sick. I would not wish this on ANYONE else.

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alwaysalone

Also as to the very first post I must have misread. If your bf does NOT have it and you do then I would ALWAYS USE a condom for protection no matter what. If you have an OB or not. If you want to try the best possible way to have him not get it. Also like the above post always make sure you wash up afterwards.

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lookingforward

yeah, chicagogirl, it does sound like we are in the same positon. what have you decided to do? are you using condoms? by the way, im in chicago too! :)

thank you for your advice, catiesmom.

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alwall0828

Well, I have it genitally and my bf does not. We do NOT use condoms, we just obstain when I have any symptoms. This works for us, especially since condoms aren't 100% effective for coverage. Unless they make a full body we won't use them. HAHA!!

We both know what I have and are very aware. We stay away from down there with even a slight tingle.

i have never passed on and as long as the person is aware of the situation then I don't see a problem. it's all about communication

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Early

Shedding 4% of the time...?

Someone mentioned that you're only shedding 4% of the time when you're not having outbreaks. Does having the 'wrong' type (i.e. HSV1 down there), reduce the chances of passing this on to someone genitally since it's more rare to get HSV1 in the genital area?

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bst

i miss sex without condom

hi i´ve been far from this because my work is about party so in this days i have a lot really a lot of work sorry and hi everybody

when i saw this thread i felt something i miss sex without condoms and i dot know how much risk exist for my partner i´ve read all the site and i know what it says about that but i´m scared anyway until now she dont have any symptoms i think she´s clear but we always use condom and i miss don´t use them

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lilanne19

Early,

It reduces it but it doesn't eliminate it. ghsv1 does shed less frequently than ghsv2, however, it does shed. I thinks it's important to remember that just because it sheds infrequently doesn't mean you'll never give it to someone especially if you're in a long term committed relationship. Granted it may take much longer than ghsv2 to pass but you should still be cautious.

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b_e_b_e127

i need advice..

i just told my boyfriend that i have Herpes.. we both are not fond of condoms.. and want to know the best way to have a healthy sexual relationship, if there is a way, without condoms.. and trying not to spread it to him? I'm desperate.. please if anyone has any advice or experience please help me out...

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  • Posts

    • Quest
      When I broke out/ shed it usually was on my backside left side, my  upper crack or back right below the belt! Doggy style is my absolute favorite position which makes him very vulnerable! I think there definitely is an advantage to wearing some sexy clothes or latex! Or even the liquid gloves. I think the biggest problem is that people shave now and they nick and cut themselves! That leads them open for infection on any part of the boxer area!  
    • WilsoInAus
      I’d build on this to say that the volume of virus is critical. It has been observed that shedding instances where there are 10^7 virions are required for a pragmatic chance to actually get through the skin and it’s natural defences. Most shedding instances are well below this threshold. I’d also suggest that for many asymptomatic transmissions, most of the virus comes to the surface during the sexual act itself. So little point testing beforehand.
    • floydmonk
      Thank you for sharing that. Very resourceful.
    • Cas9
      I wasn't following the conversation closely, but yes, all that matters in terms of being contagious is if the virus makes it to the skin.
    • yadayadayadayada
      @Cas9 isn't that a "technicality"? From the sound of it this means that on a cellular level there is a daily battle but at the end of the day the virus can't transmit until it is present on the skin... right? I mean the question will still be: how many days is the virus present and transmittable. The mechanism (the technicality) is important but also not important... but I could be wrong, just trying to interpret. 
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