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painfuloptimism

Never thought I'd be here

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painfuloptimism

Hey,

Took a trip to the doctor today after an extremely painful week. I won't go into detail but basically by the time I got to the doctor I was pretty sure I had the Herp.. my doctor agreed. I have to wait a week for the test, but I'm not holding out. I need support already.. this sucks!

I cried a little today while talking to my mom, and got a little defensive on the phone with the guy that I think gave it to me.. though he is pretty supportive and taking this seriously. We were only casually dating and it's just a strange situation..

ANYway. I wanted to say how happy I am that there is something like this. Fellow Herpsters. Ha, I am trying to use humor to cheer myself up. You know, I think this happened for a reason, to put things into perspective. I consider myself very open and non-judgemental, but I think I always judged those with STDs. That was wrong, and here I am on the other side of the story.

Whew. I will post more I'm sure. It feels good to get it out.

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katie8

wow. I definitely know what you mean about judging people with STD's. For the longest time I thought anyone with an STD was a slut and slept around. I got my hereps through rape so its a little different for me but now I understand that these things happen sooooe easily. Something I didn't know until I found this group is 80% of americans have it!!!!

p.s. The humor might offend some people but I think it good for people to joke about it since there is nothing else we can do.

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Sweety042

Hard to wait

I got diagnosed a week ago Friday. I found out on the phone, they were suppose to call me, but hadn't gotten around to it yet.

I haven't cried yet, came close a few times. I'm sure I will. This has pretty much dashed my hopes of a future with the man of my dreams, that I've spent two years building a relationship with.

I was convinced, after all the other bad luck I've had for 2 years, my luck had turned around and I wasn't positive. But, it wasn't to be. As Jeramy and I are probably not meant to be. But, I do know if you think positive you attract positive things to yourself, and the same with negative. Keep positive and don't give up hope, above all else. We are all here for you as you are for us.

What's hardest for me is that he is always there for me and has been there for me when no one else was, and I can't even discuss this with him. Thank you for this forum, I'm a person that has to talk things out, and this gives me a place to do that.

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painfuloptimism

Yeah.. I consider myself an optimistic person, but I'm really up and down about this. One minute I feel fine, like I will deal no matter what and "Hey, I'm still me," and all that.. but the next minute I feel like a leper. I wonder about the guys I like, if anyone will ever want to be with me.. ugh.

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Stryker

guys will still dig you...just be yourself. i consider myself to be a good looking guy and i will say it's easier if you can find someone who has it as well.it takes the worry and stress out of having to the "talk".that being said most guys will understand some won't but that is ok.keep your head up and try to smile...:)

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Neverinamillion

Didn't think this would happen to me either.

So, I am kinda in the same boat as the painfuloptimism. I found the results out yesterday. I was okay, kinda, yesterday. Now, I am pretty down. I wish the guy that I am/was seeing would be more supportive. Since the outbreak he has put the blame on me, but I feel like he gave it to me. We don't know obviously, but, man, I never thought I would be here either. I am sorry too for being so negative at individuals that have suffered from STDs. This just proves how imperfect we are.

I don't even know what to do if this guy doesn't want to see me. I don't want to be rejected because I have this disease. Well, I guess it just helps weed them out.

I am glad this is here. I am glad I am not alone.

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Orangetang

I just found out about 2 weeks ago. I Know how I recieved it and I can't believe it happened to me. So I just have to say like all of us, I'm right here with you, confused, mad, and upset.

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Orangetang

I like the advice ...although in my book most guys are not understanding. I guess they are just to young to look past the whole STD fright. I'm hanging in but I'm sure i'll be on the post as a loner for awhile.

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painfuloptimism

definitely glad i'm not alone. though in the 'real world' it sure feels like it. they say one in 4 adults in the US has herpes.. why should i be feeling lonely!? ugh.

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Sweety042

1 in 4 Adults

They also say 80% don't know they have it. And many that do, deny it.

Also, you will have to have the talk regardless of if they have it or not, because how will you know if they have it without "The talk". Since Drs don't test for it routinely. (Thank goodness Planned Parenthood of Ctrl Ks did, so I know when I contracted it.)

I'm the same as you. I found out two weeks ago, still on Zovirax for the outbreak. I'm a talk it out kinda gal, and because of the stigma, I've only told one internet friend besides here. Partially because of their judgment, and partially because I'm ashamed even if they'd accept it.

Unfortunately, my main support system, adviser, and best friend is also, the man I'm in love with. And I see no point in risking losing him until there is a need to have "the talk", since at this point we are only friends, not even kissing.

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GeeGee

I found out a week ago. My significant other went with me to the doctor because I couldn't figure out why I was in so much pain after trying yeast infection meds and antibiotics. Never in a million years did I expect her to say what she said.

I've never been promiscuous, always had my partners get tested prior to becoming intimate, and with two exceptions, have only been intimate in the context of a relationship. I've used condoms, even when I was on the pill (again, with like two exceptions, ever, until I met my current bf), and have just been really careful to protect myself. I thought.

At least I now know why I was falling asleep in the middle of the day and why I was in so much pain, but what a horrible, horrible shock.

My bf was holding my hand when the doc did the exam and gave us the news. There was a bit of "Just tell me the truth if you were with someone else," but that didn't last long and now he's in serious reassurance mode.

I have to say that I feel like the luckiest woman on earth, because nothing has changed between us. He's totally supportive and loving, and went ahead with his plans to ask my dad if he could marry me last Wednesday night. And, before we knew, when I thought it was just a minor yeast infection, we were intimate, so I totally, full-on exposed him...though frankly, he might have unknowingly exposed me- we just don't know. (sidenote: Isn't it just GREAT that when you go to the doctor to say you want to be tested for STDs because you want to be safe with a new partner, they don't test for herpes? :cry: I didn't even know to ask, just assumed they were testing for "everything.") Point is, he's said he doesn't think anything has to change between us because he's most likely already exposed (though he's planning to go to the doctor for testing as soon as he can get there, to find out for sure).

Anyway. Where am I now? One week after my diagnosis, my outbreak seems to be getting better, but my emotions are pretty ragged. My list of questions keeps getting longer. I saw some really scary photos online and now I'm feeling a lot of fear. I think I'm most scared of a) inadvertently giving it to someone else, and B) getting a cold sore on my mouth, which has never happened to me before. The photos really freaked me out.

I'm sad, too. I'm so, so sad, because something in me is different and will never be the same, and because I can't really talk to anyone about it because of the stigma. I told my best friend, but now I have all this fear that she won't want to be my friend anymore or something. She's been great, but it's all MY baggage here. I think my stepmom might have it because I have a vague recollection of my dad, who's a doctor, picking up a prescription for Zovirax for my stepmom, and when I asked what it was for, he said "herpes" like it was no big deal. God, I remember thinking, "oh, yuck." but I can't see myself asking her about it. So...I feel really alone, and even though my bf is being great, he's back home, 12,000 miles away, in a totally different country.

Ugh, so there it is. I still can barely even say it. I keep thinking I should type it, say that I have it, but I can't even bring myself to do it. I feel so ashamed, even though I haven't done anything wrong. What the freak is all this emotion about?! And how much does it suck that one of the triggers is stress....and just having it causes stress?

GeeGee

I really

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