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Franky26

needs an advice on hsv in marraige

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Franky26

Not sure how to start this, this is my second post here. I would really appreciate any input from you guys, I don't know how to go about my life with this, I will try to describe my issue as best as I can.

well for starters I am a married man  for about year and half ago. I met my wife about two years prior to that (it is a long distance relationship, we still currently live and work in a separate countries it is taking longer thank anticipated but it is what it is) , so six to seven months into my marriage my wife developed some kind lesions down there, she didn't know what it was and I wasn't  there to see but she said it lasted about 4 days, she went to her family doctor and her family doctor couldn't verify it because it was almost gone but recommended to do hsv blood work, later that blood work came positive for hsv1 and hsv2. I was in complete shock as would anyone would, I was in total disbelieve and I asked her to do another tests, over all I think she did two more which all came to the same result. she never develop a cold sore or another outbreak to date. To date im in state of disbelieve my wife only had one partner before me and it was 7 years before I met her. is there any way the blood work are wrong should I have her do another?

our relationship are not the same anymore after this, I never though this could happen to me which Im sure that's how most people feel, I need to vent and ask for advice on if this is something barrable or should we go our separate ways. there isn't much places or people I can ask, that's why I decided to post here.

and before anyone ask, yes Iam positive that there is no cheating.

as far as my self I have done multiple blood test with the same result of Positive hsv1 negative hsv2 

any advice or input would be greatly appreciated. 

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WilsoInAus

Hey @Franky26

I guess the first thing to check on is exactly what test your wife has had. What country is she in? Do you have a copy of one of the results to check the test and the actual result.

The second thing to note is that you are married to each other. You took vows before your God and family that would have included something like 'for better or for worse'. Your family and friends are called upon to keep you honest to your vows. 

Well I'm going to do the same thing. Herpes is by far amongst the most irrelevant of issues you could be challenged with as a couple. You need to swish this past you and get on with life. If you can't then how will you handle: ageing parents, serious illnesses or injuries, children and their challenges?

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Franky26

Hey @WilsoInAus  

Thank you for your reply, we live in north America, she did the test here in Canada, I will attach a copy of the test below.

I understand your point of view but its hard for me to cope with this. I never thought this would happen to me which I m sure most people feel the same. 

yes I did took vows for better or worst but I feel those vows are for whatever happens after marriage not because of something happened in the past. 

i feel like this is something that is going to remind me of her past for the rest of my life. its not easy for me to look past that. 

 

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WilsoInAus

@Franky26 your vows include "from this day forth" - there is no fine print that grants you annulment for previous actions and certainly not for the random assortment of herpes viruses that every person walks down the aisle with. To the extent that it was required (and I do not believe it is, although this is not relevant) your partner has been forgiven in the eyes of the Lord for all her past actions; as part of your marriage vows you are joined in that forgiveness.

That blood test is notorious for false positives, Having an oral HSV-1 cold sore infection is a known risk factor for a false positive. So yes I do recommend obtaining a further ELISA test. You may even try to obtain the Westernblot from University of Washington for the definitive word on the subject.

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