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Marie053

How do I tell my new boyfriend I have just been diagnosed with HSV-2

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Marie053
Posted (edited)

I have been diagnosed with genital herpes after falling very ill with tonsillitis, gum infection and UTI... I don’t know whether I had the virus dormant in me for a while and getting ill has caused my first outbreak, or whether my new partner has given it to me unknowingly (which works out timing wise with the outbreak which was a few days later). 

 

Any advice in how to approach this without him freaking out? 

I know when I got my diagnosis I went white and felt immediately sick, but I’m slowly getting to grips with it, I’m just scared about telling him. 

 

Edited by Marie053

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WilsoInAus

Hey @Marie053 it would be much more likely that if this is herpes then it came from the current partner.

I think the first thing to do is fully clarify exactly what the tests are telling you as this will hold many answers.

Did you have a swab or blood test or both? Do you have the exact results?

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Marie053

What sort of answers will tests give me? Can they tell if the exposure has been recent or not? 

I had a swab in the hospital with a gynaecologist who seemed quite certain what it was. I had been in and out of hospital with all the different illnesses and antibiotics I’m on. 

The antiviral seem to be working for me so I’m pretty sure it is herpes, I just wonder how likely it is that it’s been sitting dormant for a long time and has been triggered by my other illnesses (I don’t get sick often at all, it’s just all hit me at once!) 

Is it much more rare for this to be the case? 

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WilsoInAus
2 minutes ago, Marie053 said:

What sort of answers will tests give me? Can they tell if the exposure has been recent or not? 

I had a swab in the hospital with a gynaecologist who seemed quite certain what it was. I had been in and out of hospital with all the different illnesses and antibiotics I’m on. 

The antiviral seem to be working for me so I’m pretty sure it is herpes, I just wonder how likely it is that it’s been sitting dormant for a long time and has been triggered by my other illnesses (I don’t get sick often at all, it’s just all hit me at once!) 

Is it much more rare for this to be the case? 

They stand a good chance of having all the answers. There are many open questions including which type you have.

You cannot go on visual diagnoses, the lesions from herpes are not unique and can be readily confused with yeast and bacterial infections.

Has the result of the swab come back yet? If it has check if it was culture or PCR. If culture check that they have correctly typed the sample.

Blood is useful because it takes a number of weeks to test positive for IgG antibodies after infection, thus if you are negative IgG with a positive swab and blood turns positive later on, then you can be sure it was a recent infection.

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Marie053
8 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

They stand a good chance of having all the answers. There are many open questions including which type you have.

You cannot go on visual diagnoses, the lesions from herpes are not unique and can be readily confused with yeast and bacterial infections.

Has the result of the swab come back yet? If it has check if it was culture or PCR. If culture check that they have correctly typed the sample.

Blood is useful because it takes a number of weeks to test positive for IgG antibodies after infection, thus if you are negative IgG with a positive swab and blood turns positive later on, then you can be sure it was a recent infection.

This is really helpful, thanks so much for taking the time to reply.

I will book in again with GP and sexual health clinic to try and find all this out. 

In the meantime, I don’t suppose you have any advice to proceed with the current partner? 

Of course I won’t engage in any sexual contact but I’m not sure how to tell them what’s going on.

 

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WilsoInAus
1 minute ago, Marie053 said:

This is really helpful, thanks so much for taking the time to reply.

I will book in again with GP and sexual health clinic to try and find all this out. 

In the meantime, I don’t suppose you have any advice to proceed with the current partner? 

Of course I won’t engage in any sexual contact but I’m not sure how to tell them what’s going on.

 

I don't think you can proceed, there just aren't enough facts on the table. I think just play the 'feeling pretty sick, recovering from tonsillitis' card for now.

I think at the minimum to proceed you need to know whether you have a long term or recent infection and what herpes type it is.

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Marie053

Ok that’s a good idea.

what is the likelihood of me having passed it on to him having never had a breakout (if it was dormant in me for a while rather than recent) 

i know any answers will just be speculation and tests will give me the answers, I’m just trying to get my head around every outcome 

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WilsoInAus

Yes a lot of speculation which I promise you doesn't really lead anywhere good. Careful with that because some things are actually not outcomes. Remember Schroedinger's cat in the box, it cannot be both alive or dead, there is only one outcome... you just have to open the box and see!

I'd suggest if it has been more than a week since your last sexual contact with me and nothing has been mentioned to you, then it is essentially zero chance you have infected him.

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Marie053

Thank you again for taking the time to help me. I’ve been feeling very low about this but it’s starting to seem less and less awful and terrifying the more I’m learning about it. Just anxious about approaching the partner.

Waiting for doctors to open after this bloody bank holiday weekend so I can get an appointment! 

 

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IcantThinkofaName
6 hours ago, Marie053 said:

I have been diagnosed with genital herpes after falling very ill with tonsillitis, gum infection and UTI...

sounds like a new first infection to me..And, sounds like my symptoms also when I got my first OB. I had a negative test before starting my relationship and I am certain I didn't have a dormant infection...after knowing what HSV feels like having it now. There is a huge difference in feeling/sensations my genitals from before (when infection free) to now ( with being infected). 

My (ex)BF (at the time, who infected me) had what looked like an active OB  the next day after we had had sex the night before.  He told had been tested and had no diseases. It looked like herpes from everything I had ever heard about it. He said it wasn't. It was. It was too late anyway. There were no visual symptoms that I saw that night we had sex. I started getting a UTI in a few days. Lesions by day 10.

Suggest casually to your guy that you  think  you both should get tested for all STDs including HSV1 and 2 because thats what responsible people do when they start a sexual relationship . See what he thinks, does or how he reacts. You don't need to to tell him you have it yet.  Get the testing done ( IGG testing for HSV 1 and 2)  then both present your results to each other...

 

best wishes

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Marie053
11 hours ago, IcantThinkofaName said:

sounds like a new first infection to me..And, sounds like my symptoms also when I got my first OB. I had a negative test before starting my relationship and I am certain I didn't have a dormant infection...after knowing what HSV feels like having it now. There is a huge difference in feeling/sensations my genitals from before (when infection free) to now ( with being infected). 

My (ex)BF (at the time, who infected me) had what looked like an active OB  the next day after we had had sex the night before.  He told had been tested and had no diseases. It looked like herpes from everything I had ever heard about it. He said it wasn't. It was. It was too late anyway. There were no visual symptoms that I saw that night we had sex. I started getting a UTI in a few days. Lesions by day 10.

Suggest casually to your guy that you  think  you both should get tested for all STDs including HSV1 and 2 because thats what responsible people do when they start a sexual relationship . See what he thinks, does or how he reacts. You don't need to to tell him you have it yet.  Get the testing done ( IGG testing for HSV 1 and 2)  then both present your results to each other...

 

best wishes

Thank you 🙏🏼 this is really helpful to know. I don’t suppose you know if you could have hadn’t mild symptoms before having such a vicious attack of it? I think this must be the first OB because it’s so severe and painful

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IcantThinkofaName
On 4/22/2019 at 10:34 AM, Marie053 said:

I think this must be the first OB because it’s so severe and painful

Exactly... the severity and fever and UTI don't happen in subsequent infections.

Yeast infections  or bacterial infections might happen in subsequent infections but its not nearly as severe.

I think you know it when it happens. I can't understand how people don't notice a first infection. The only reason I can think that they might miss it is because they already had a HSV1 infection before and upon acquiring hsv2, their immune system made it less severe as it partially recognized the virus. I did not  have HSV1 prior to my HSV2 infection.It was a severe first OB. I was very sick. 

You said its type 1 or 2 or you are not sure?

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Marie053
2 hours ago, IcantThinkofaName said:

Exactly... the severity and fever and UTI don't happen in subsequent infections.

Yeast infections  or bacterial infections might happen in subsequent infections but its not nearly as severe.

I think you know it when it happens. I can't understand how people don't notice a first infection. The only reason I can think that they might miss it is because they already had a HSV1 infection before and upon acquiring hsv2, their immune system made it less severe as it partially recognized the virus. I did not  have HSV1 prior to my HSV2 infection.It was a severe first OB. I was very sick. 

You said its type 1 or 2 or you are not sure?

I believe it’s type 2 but apparently either strain can be found either end! So I will hopefully clarify all this in the coming week! 

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IcantThinkofaName
8 hours ago, Marie053 said:

I believe it’s type 2 but apparently either strain can be found either end! So I will hopefully clarify all this in the coming week! 

yes, get IGG testing ASAP, but be prepared for it to come back negative this first time if it is your first infection. A swab would be better if you have fresh blisters.  If they are already healed, and if its your first infection, be prepared for another subsequent OB (I'm sorry to tell you) coming soon after the first.. You can get swabbed at that one then. 

Stay strong.  Support your immune system. Get rest. Take Vit. C and some other herbals might be nice...I have posted some stuff about that in the past. collodial silver gel or spray perhaps too directly on sores

hugs to you

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