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Lakisha

Feeling guilty

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Lakisha
Posted (edited)

I'm seeing someone who knows about my h. But i feel guilty about putting someone at risk. I know its his choice but i can't help to think he doesn't realize what he's actually getting himself into. I always feel like I'm contagious. I'm afraid of him touching me or having sex. It gives me anxiety. He's a nice guy. And i can't help to feel horrible. And I'm mad at the world that I didn't meet him sooner. 

Edited by Lakisha

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Cas9
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Lakisha said:

I'm seeing someone who knows about my h statue.

You have a herpes statue? It must be one of a kind. Can you show us a picture of it? LOL

Edited by Cas9

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Lakisha
Posted (edited)
15 minutes ago, Cas9 said:

You have a herpes statue? It must be one of a kind. Can you show us a picture of it? LOL

Oh hahaha typo. I was half alseep to be fair.

Edited by Lakisha

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Lakisha

Not cool though im here stressing and depressing wanting answers and all i get is someone making fun of me. 

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WilsoInAus
3 minutes ago, Lakisha said:

Not cool though im here stressing and depressing wanting answers and all i get is someone making fun of me. 

He was helping, you just didn't see it.

The number one thing you can do right now to overcome stress and depression is.... smile!

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Lakisha
6 hours ago, WilsoInAus said:

He was helping, you just didn't see it.

The number one thing you can do right now to overcome stress and depression is.... smile!

What would help is a god dam answer

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jmherped
11 hours ago, Lakisha said:

I'm seeing someone who knows about my h. But i feel guilty about putting someone at risk. I know its his choice but i can't help to think he doesn't realize what he's actually getting himself into. I always feel like I'm contagious. I'm afraid of him touching me or having sex. It gives me anxiety. He's a nice guy. And i can't help to feel horrible. And I'm mad at the world that I didn't meet him sooner. 

I have not dated since getting the disease.  On the one hand there is the urge to spread it and infect millions more in the hopes this would spur the development of a cure.  But I could never do it to somebody.  It sounds to me like you need to meet a nice guy with herpes and spare this man from hell.  

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Lakisha
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, jmherped said:

I have not dated since getting the disease.  On the one hand there is the urge to spread it and infect millions more in the hopes this would spur the development of a cure.  But I could never do it to somebody.  It sounds to me like you need to meet a nice guy with herpes and spare this man from hell.  

And maybe you're just an asshole :) I hope you never find anybody who accepts you. 

Edited by Lakisha

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Quest

Find out how contagious you really are.

Take it slow. Be smart about it.

You got this

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Lakisha
Posted (edited)
45 minutes ago, Quest said:

Find out how contagious you really are.

Take it slow. Be smart about it.

You got this

How am i suppose to know how contagious i am???

I have hsv 1 and 2, thats all i know. I would really be surprise if anybody could even know how contagious they really are. 

Edited by Lakisha

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Clunk 2.0
2 hours ago, Lakisha said:

And maybe you're just an asshole :) I hope you never find anybody who accepts you. 

Damn! That’s a tad harsh. Problem with text is you can’t decipher humour/sarcasm or tone of voice or even context of how something is being said.

By the sounds of your original post, you have only been recently diagnosed and don’t know much about HSV? You still feel outcasted and are letting the virus define you. I don’t know your circumstances or frequency of your OB’s but for most people (like me for one) the biggest battle I face is emotionally and mentally. I’m lucky to get next to no OB’s but I still remind myself everyday I have HSV and it sucks.

You’re quite lucky to have found a guy who is accepting of it. All chicks I’ve disclosed to have ghosted me and vanished off the face of the planet. *shruggs*. Believe me, HSV is very common and there are many out there that are accepting - like the guy you’re seeing.

He’s a consenting adult and you have been ethical and moral enough to disclose to him which is nice and decent of you. Just sit down with him and talk about it. If you want to chat, I’m happy to talk.

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Lakisha
1 hour ago, Clunk 2.0 said:

Damn! That’s a tad harsh. Problem with text is you can’t decipher humour/sarcasm or tone of voice or even context of how something is being said.

By the sounds of your original post, you have only been recently diagnosed and don’t know much about HSV? You still feel outcasted and are letting the virus define you. I don’t know your circumstances or frequency of your OB’s but for most people (like me for one) the biggest battle I face is emotionally and mentally. I’m lucky to get next to no OB’s but I still remind myself everyday I have HSV and it sucks.

You’re quite lucky to have found a guy who is accepting of it. All chicks I’ve disclosed to have ghosted me and vanished off the face of the planet. *shruggs*. Believe me, HSV is very common and there are many out there that are accepting - like the guy you’re seeing.

He’s a consenting adult and you have been ethical and moral enough to disclose to him which is nice and decent of you. Just sit down with him and talk about it. If you want to chat, I’m happy to talk.

I've had herpes type 1 and 2 for almost 3 years. So not so recent but this is the first time I'm dating someone i truly care about. I'm a over worrier. I came to term with it when i was single because besides the occasional minor ob's it didn't really affect my life, except for the excessive washing of my hands. But this time i can't seem to be okay with the fact that i could potentially give herpes to this man. He doesn't seem to care but I'm afraid its because he doesn't really know what it really is. I tried talking to him about it but he doesn't seem very interested.

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Clunk 2.0
5 minutes ago, Lakisha said:

I've had herpes type 1 and 2 for almost 3 years. So not so recent but this is the first time I'm dating someone i truly care about. I'm a over worrier. I came to term with it when i was single because besides the occasional minor ob's it didn't really affect my life, except for the excessive washing of my hands. But this time i can't seem to be okay with the fact that i could potentially give herpes to this man. He doesn't seem to care but I'm afraid its because he doesn't really know what it really is. I tried talking to him about it but he doesn't seem very interested.

Doesn’t seem interested like he doesn’t care if he gets it? If so. Go you! You’ve got a keeper! 

He clearly sees it as just a crappy skin condition that it really is. Sadly, a lot of people let HSV affect them emotionally. Have you had your OCD looked into? Are you seeing a therapist? Back to the guy you’re seeing. You care about him and hopefully he feels the same. This is something that you need to talk with him about to put you at ease. You need to tell him that and maybe ask why he doesn’t care about contracting HSV. Which in turn will put your mind at ease... maybe?

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Lakisha
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, Clunk 2.0 said:

Doesn’t seem interested like he doesn’t care if he gets it? If so. Go you! You’ve got a keeper! 

He clearly sees it as just a crappy skin condition that it really is. Sadly, a lot of people let HSV affect them emotionally. Have you had your OCD looked into? Are you seeing a therapist? Back to the guy you’re seeing. You care about him and hopefully he feels the same. This is something that you need to talk with him about to put you at ease. You need to tell him that and maybe ask why he doesn’t care about contracting HSV. Which in turn will put your mind at ease... maybe?

Yes i should have a talk with him. I think he believes he wont catch it, which is why it worries me. And no i haven't got it checked yet. I should.

Thing is, he could always find someone better than me without herpes. I could potentially ruin his life. And i feel selfish for wanting to keep him around.  Even if we do end up together for years and have a kid together. Maybe even for ever but you can't know that for sure so i will always feel like I'm no good for him. All i know is i genuinely really like him. 

Edited by Lakisha

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Clunk 2.0
3 hours ago, Lakisha said:

Yes i should have a talk with him. I think he believes he wont catch it, which is why it worries me. And no i haven't got it checked yet. I should.

Thing is, he could always find someone better than me without herpes. I could potentially ruin his life. And i feel selfish for wanting to keep him around.  Even if we do end up together for years and have a kid together. Maybe even for ever but you can't know that for sure so i will always feel like I'm no good for him. All i know is i genuinely really like him. 

My dear, this is not just herpes but rather a lack of self worth and self confidence. Ask yourself this, “If I didn’t have herpes, what would I have to offer this guy or someone in a relationship?” After answering that in your head do you still think you’re “not good enough”?

Look at it this way. The guy knows you have it and is ok with it. That is half the battle with carriers of HSV. We fear one of the biggest things next to dying.... Rejection! (Which as shitty as it is, why some people with it don’t disclose.)

You have passed the awkward disclosing part and he’s happy to stick around. Lucky you. As I said. Chat to him and secondly remember you carry a shitty, yet common virus. It is NOT you! Don’t let it define or control you.

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Lakisha
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, Clunk 2.0 said:

My dear, this is not just herpes but rather a lack of self worth and self confidence. Ask yourself this, “If I didn’t have herpes, what would I have to offer this guy or someone in a relationship?” After answering that in your head do you still think you’re “not good enough”?

Look at it this way. The guy knows you have it and is ok with it. That is half the battle with carriers of HSV. We fear one of the biggest things next to dying.... Rejection! (Which as shitty as it is, why some people with it don’t disclose.)

You have passed the awkward disclosing part and he’s happy to stick around. Lucky you. As I said. Chat to him and secondly remember you carry a shitty, yet common virus. It is NOT you! Don’t let it define or control you.

If i didn't have herpes there would be no problem. I have a lot to offer. I would make someone very happy but herpes took that away from me. Theres always someone else that could make someone happy too and not having to deal with herpes. That's what i mean. 

Edited by Lakisha

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WilsoInAus
8 minutes ago, Lakisha said:

If i didn't have herpes there would be no problem. I have a lot to offer. I would make someone very happy but herpes took that away from me. Theres always someone else that could make someone happy too and not having to deal with herpes. That's what i mean. 

Actually, there isn't. 

There are 8 types of herpes that we know about and everyone has a few types. It is human to have herpes. They live with us and we live with them. It is just the way the universe is. 

What makes someone happy is your love, not which random assortment of herpes that you have. 

Take your partner for example, what choice does he have? In his age group and demographic he is probably looking at 90% with HSV-1, 40% with HSV-2 and up to 90% for each of the of the others (HHV 3, 4, 5, 6a, 6b, 7). He and all of us will have to deal with herpes making it independent of what makes us happy.

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Lakisha
57 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

Actually, there isn't. 

There are 8 types of herpes that we know about and everyone has a few types. It is human to have herpes. They live with us and we live with them. It is just the way the universe is. 

What makes someone happy is your love, not which random assortment of herpes that you have. 

Take your partner for example, what choice does he have? In his age group and demographic he is probably looking at 90% with HSV-1, 40% with HSV-2 and up to 90% for each of the of the others (HHV 3, 4, 5, 6a, 6b, 7). He and all of us will have to deal with herpes making it independent of what makes us happy.

His age group? More like 25% with hsv 2 and 60% with hsv1. He could most definitely find somebody else without herpes. And i couldn't care less about the other type of herpes. 

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Lakisha
Just now, Lakisha said:

What makes someone happy is your love, not which random assortment of herpes that you have. 

But this right here. I know you're right. I just don't want to be the reason for ruining someone's life that i care about.

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WilsoInAus
54 minutes ago, Lakisha said:

His age group? More like 25% with hsv 2 and 60% with hsv1. He could most definitely find somebody else without herpes. And i couldn't care less about the other type of herpes. 

I think you are quoting population averages here. The dating population is not average. Think of all those nuns without HSV-2! Think of all the men and woman who married as virgins and will be together for their lives!

Yes he could find someone without herpes, but most people do not want someone, they want THE one. Herpes is irrelevant in this context.

And yes you are like most people who couldn't care less about HHV 3, 4, 5, 6a, 6b and 7 even though they cause some multiples of the morbidity that HSV 1/2 does. Why is that? Before the 1970s no one cared about any HSV. In fact for 95% of the world's population, that is still the case. If not perhaps for the for the campaigns by the drug companies to convince white American princesses that having sores on their gin-gins was dirty and they could be reduced with the wonder drug acyclovir, it might still be this way in the US. 

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WilsoInAus
1 hour ago, Lakisha said:

But this right here. I know you're right. I just don't want to be the reason for ruining someone's life that i care about.

I do take an exception to the notion that HSV ruins lives. There are over 4 billion of us with HSV 1/2 and what proportion of these is 'ruined' by HSV? What is the definition of ruin? As I allude to above, a few sores a year on your junk does not ruin one's life. It simply makes you human.

 

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Lakisha
10 hours ago, WilsoInAus said:

I do take an exception to the notion that HSV ruins lives. There are over 4 billion of us with HSV 1/2 and what proportion of these is 'ruined' by HSV? What is the definition of ruin? As I allude to above, a few sores a year on your junk does not ruin one's life. It simply makes you human.

 

That is false but your opinion i guess. 

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Lakisha

@WilsoInAus

https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/topic/8577-unprotected-sex-and-transmission-of-hsv2-with-no-symptoms/

Here they say we can shed the hsv2 virus up to 35% of the time. We are far from the 4% transmission rate. That rate is not for everyone. So if i always have prodome and i shed more than others my transmission rate is a lot higher than just 4% so please stop spreading false information. 

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WilsoInAus
1 hour ago, Lakisha said:

@WilsoInAus

https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/topic/8577-unprotected-sex-and-transmission-of-hsv2-with-no-symptoms/

Here they say we can shed the hsv2 virus up to 35% of the time. We are far from the 4% transmission rate. That rate is not for everyone. So if i always have prodome and i shed more than others my transmission rate is a lot higher than just 4% so please stop spreading false information. 

I am not spreading false information at all. You are misinterpreting what you are reading at this stage of your research.

Yes people can be shedding up to 35% of the time, I have never said different in fact it is supported by the publications. However shedding does not equal transmission.. Why? Because most shedding does not involve enough of the  virus to infect. People probably already shed 100% of the time, just in quantities too small to infect.

There is no such thing as continuous prodrome. Prodrome as the term suggests, precedes an outbreak. If there is no outbreak then technically it was not prodrome. It is very likely due to something else.

In the end, yes, people probably do always have a viral copy to be found on them. However it is only at certain times that a sufficient amount of the virus is present to infect. Yes people do vary, but there is no way of knowing if you are above average, average or below average without a daily swab routine.

I am not sure why you are getting angry when all I am doing is providing information prepared by people who understand herpes and care about the people with it. They want you to have the best insights you can. Of all the thousands of people tested with daily swabs in the many research papers not one single person was found to be infectious all the time. And this includes people who have monthly outbreaks.

Further, this same research shows the dramatic reduction that daily suppressive antivirals provides, which you are taking.

As has been pointed out, whatever the exact annual transmission rate is for you to your partner, it is non zero. It will be non zero for every partner without HSV-2. There is nothing to be done about that except to accept it, take whatever measures you feel appropriate and move on with your life. There is no utility in cogitating how many viral copies are on your body right now.

And that is all I ever want for people, to a live a life on terms of your own without herpes playing any role, having no power. That is in reach for all of us.

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