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Theysaylifegoeson

They say life goes on

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Theysaylifegoeson

After 5 years of not letting a man get passed my walls I decided it was time. I met a good guy and over a few weeks things progressed as they do. 2 days after we were intimate I started feeling what I thought was a yeast infection. 2 days after that my first blister formed. I have since been to a doctor and found out that I have genital herpes. I immediately talked to the guy thinking he had hidden his condition from me, which was especially hard as prior to being intimate he assured me over and over again that he was recently checked and everything was good to go. As it turns out, he was telling me the truth. He had been swabbed and tested negative. However, upon learning what happened to me he ran to his doctor for a blood test and found that he is an asymptomatic carrier. Years of being cautious and carefully picking who came into my life was ruined over 1 night. Me and this guy aren't exactly in a relationship and though we are still talking hearing his apologies over and over again almost makes it worse. The fact that he had no idea what would happen doesn't change what did happened. Now I feel tainted, like any hope at a normal healthy relationship has died all for 1 night. I keep saying to myself that life goes on...but does it? How could I ever expect someone to learn this about me and not immediately run for the hills. It feels like my dreams of sitting on a porch with my future husband watching our children play in the yard was blown to pieces. On top of this I am in the worst physical pain I have ever felt in my life, yet I am not sure which hurts worse, my body or my mind. I can't talk to any of my close friends for fear that it will get around and I can't handle the idea of being spoken about behind my back. What do you do to get by? How do you convince yourself that any chance at a normal healthy loving relationship isn't dead in the water? How do you convince yourself that life does in fact go on?

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Quest

there life after diagnosis! That has more to do with your views. 

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Slkxx

Life does go on. I’m newly diagnosed myself and the news made me seriously suicidal for the first few weeks, and now, whilst the thought of anyone wanting to be with me just isn’t comprehensible, I feel so much better for having told my closest friend. I did it over text because I couldn’t face telling her in person, but this allowed me to send her a lot of information about it and I couldn’t have asked for a better response. She was understanding, she told me everything I was afraid of was silly (that I’d be alone forever, never get married, have kids ect) and that if nothing else I would always have her and I can’t tell you how much that helped. Pick somebody you trust, even if it’s just one person, and tell them about what’s happening and how it’s making you feel. Getting your feelings off your chest and knowing that somebody can know you’ve got herpes and still love you will make you feel so much better. I still feel awful about my diagnoses but after reading many of the posts on here it’s really not the end of the world, it just takes some getting used to.

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Theysaylifegoeson

Thank you Slkxx. I want to talk to someone I trust but I am so afraid if I tell my best friend she will tell her husband, which is understandable. I completely trust her to not judge me but if her husband finds out his best friend is an ex of mine and I just don't want this to get around our group of friends. I have been lucky in the fact that the guy who gave it to me has been there for me but it isn't the same. Confiding in him is just making his own struggle more difficult as he feels terrible for what happened but he did not have any bad intentions. As it turns out finding out led to answering a lot of questions he has had about other health issues he had. So in a weird way this happening may actually help him in the long run with giving him an avenue for treatment. I don't want to pile onto his issues even though he has caused mine because at the end of the day he is a good guy who had no idea what was happening. I'm so glad you were able to talk to your friend and I truly hope the suicidal thoughts become a thing of your past. I am here if you need another ear.

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Slkxx

I can really see where you’re coming from about her perhaps telling her husband, it all depends on how much you trust her I suppose, if you asked her to not tell him or anyone else would she keep it to herself? It’s such a personal thing I find it hard to believe that anyone would go against your wishes, especially if you told them how you’re feeling right now. I’m glad he’s been there for you, from some of the posts I’ve read on here some people have acted very differently, and whilst it’s good to have somebody to relate to you can’t worry about him when you’ve got so much going on yourself. Do you see this relationship with him going anywhere or is it making it worse? If you really believe you can’t talk to your friend talk to a gp maybe and ask for some counselling, it’s good to talk to somebody. I hope so too, and the same to you if you ever need it :)

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