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Quimerae

My girlfriend has Herpes

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Quimerae
Posted (edited)

Hi everyone.

 

My Girlfriend has recently been diagnosed with herpes. She told me about it and I am Ok with it. I love her and know herpes is not that big of a deal and everybody has it.

 

She on the other hand doesn't want to see me. She wants the flare up to be over and I just want to be there for her. But I feel rejected and I don't want to say anything because  she is the one who is having a tough time and dealing with her diagnosis. It feels selfish on my part to complain when my problem seems so small compared to hers.

 

Also, I know that she is dealing with her diagnosis but I dont feel any better with that knowledge. I still feel rejected.

 

Do you think I should say anything?

Edited by Quimerae

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WilsoInAus

Hey @Quimerae I am assuming this is her first flare up of herpes genitally?

Could she be thinking you are the source?

I think the first step you take is get a blood test for HSV antibodies type specific for type 1 and 2.

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Quimerae

Thank you Wilson. I got myself tested as soon as she got her results. It came out negative for both HSV 1 and 2.

 

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WilsoInAus
6 minutes ago, Quimerae said:

Thank you Wilson. I got myself tested as soon as she got her results. It came out negative for both HSV 1 and 2.

 

I think a few more questions might help:
- was your test definitely for IgG antibodies (or was it IgM or was it PCR)?
- do you know precisely her results, what was the extent of what she told you?
- what was the extent of sexual activity you had with her in the week leading up to her outbreak (did it include unprotected vaginal and oral sex for example)?
- have you ever had what you thought were oral cold sores as a kid?

There are several possibilities as to what is driving her behaviour. These include confusion of source and concern over you being negative (which may have created thoughts that she'd rather take the pain of the relationship coming to and end now rather than in a few months time for example).

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Quimerae

SHe didn't had an outbreak. She had a yearly checkup with a new doctor because and when she ask for std tet they included  HSV and it came up positive. My tests were for IgG antibodies. We have been having unprotected sex for 6 months now.

 

I've never had cold sores as far as I have known. But I understand you can be asymptomatic which is aparently what happened to her.

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WilsoInAus
2 minutes ago, Quimerae said:

SHe didn't had an outbreak. She had a yearly checkup with a new doctor because and when she ask for std tet they included  HSV and it came up positive. My tests were for IgG antibodies. We have been having unprotected sex for 6 months now.

 

I've never had cold sores as far as I have known. But I understand you can be asymptomatic which is aparently what happened to her.

This could be a bit of a mess. Annual checkups are notorious for using the wrong tests and giving limited information.

Did she definitely come back with positive Igg for HSV-2... could she have an oral HSV-1 infection here??

She is definitely going through shock at present, this may be for no reason. 

I would first get a message to her - you may have to text if she's said don't see or call her with the following themes: it must be a shock to be suddenly diagnosed, you can appreciate the need for space at  this time, please feel free to get in touch at any time, I love you and miss you and more than happy to do this together. If you do not know her exact IgG result perhaps add "a herpes diagnosis is something that always needs to be confirmed, there are wrong tests and false positives for example, please stay curious if you have any doubts as to whether you carry the virus - although it remains unimportant to me whether you do or do not carry the virus"

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Quimerae

Thank you for your answer, WIlson

 

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morty1234

Wilson is an idiot. Check his profil and you will understand what i'm saying.

Herpes not a big deal?

Check  key Word "nerve pain" "chronic pain" on this forum and maybe you will change your mind

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WilsoInAus
2 hours ago, morty1234 said:

Wilson is an idiot. Check his profil and you will understand what i'm saying.

Herpes not a big deal?

Check  key Word "nerve pain" "chronic pain" on this forum and maybe you will change your mind

Nerve pain is very serious, please see a doctor for a diagnosis of what may be causing it. We look forward to the results that may help people pursue some useful lines of thought.

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Slkxx
17 hours ago, Quimerae said:

Hi everyone.

 

My Girlfriend has recently been diagnosed with herpes. She told me about it and I am Ok with it. I love her and know herpes is not that big of a deal and everybody has it.

 

She on the other hand doesn't want to see me. She wants the flare up to be over and I just want to be there for her. But I feel rejected and I don't want to say anything because  she is the one who is having a tough time and dealing with her diagnosis. It feels selfish on my part to complain when my problem seems so small compared to hers.

 

Also, I know that she is dealing with her diagnosis but I dont feel any better with that knowledge. I still feel rejected.

 

Do you think I should say anything?

Whilst it could be a false positive what’s important here is that you be supportive, especially if you want to continue the relationship. Try and remember that if the test is correct, her life has changed forever. There will be aspects of your relationship that will likely have to change to prevent her from passing it to you. It’s a hard thing to cope with for a while and the best thing you can do is make sure she knows you love and care about her but that you’ll give her the space she needs until she’s ready to talk about it. A simple text should do the job just fine. 

Herpes is something that you should look into in the meantime, knowing how it works and spreads will be a big help to the both of you, and it’s something that you should take seriously either way. I think it’s great that you still want to be with her, because nobody asks for this virus, but make sure you’re both careful and know everything that you need to know before you continue.

Good luck to you both :) 

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