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When should I disclose?

Learningtolivewithhsv

By Learningtolivewithhsv,
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Learningtolivewithhsv

Learningtolivewithhsv 5

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So I just found out that I have herpes a little over two weeks ago. I am pretty sure I know who I contracted it from, but that is neither here nor there. I was dating two people (only sexually active with one). I no longer converse with the guy who I’ve contracted this from, but kept in contact with the other guy, let’s call him PT and we’ve been hitting it off really well. Sex isn’t really on the table for us because we both said that we wanted to wait for sex until we get to know one another better because we don’t want to rush anything. I can see something more forming between the two of us even though it’s still new. I want to tell him now, but I also want to get to know him better before disclosing this to him. We have a couple of dates lined up. What should I do? Please help

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WilsoInAus

WilsoInAus 2,679

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Hey @Learningtolivewithhsv And welcome to the website.

Wow it’s a maze isn’t it!  Yet it can be navigated reasonably.

The best to start is being clear in yourself as to what you have and where. What test did you have and what did it tell you about HSV-1 and HSV-2?

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WilsoInAus

WilsoInAus 2,679

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3 minutes ago, Learningtolivewithhsv said:

I have gHSV-1

That’s an important piece of information. It means you can kiss for example without any chance of transmission.

Another important point is that you are actually more concordant potentially to guys than you were before. Meaning that there is no pragmatic risk associated with having sex with a guy who already ha HSV-1. That’s most of them and ALL the cute ones!

Has your outbreak healed yet? Or are you still looking out for it?

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Learningtolivewithhsv

Learningtolivewithhsv 5

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It’s not completely healed. The skin is finally forming back (currently white). I am still applying tea tree on it multiple times a day and doing epsom salt baths occasionally 

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emcee

emcee 11

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Because HSV1 is so common (almost everyone has it orally) it makes things much easier. That being said, I have GHSV2 and I've always waited until the third date, and responses have always been good i.e. it hasn't been a deal breaker for any of them.

I usually do something like: date (1) drinks, date (2) dancing / live music, date (3) dinner at my place / disclose

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Learningtolivewithhsv

Learningtolivewithhsv 5

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@emcee got dang! Date #3 has already happened 🥴. Have you gotten into a relationship with any of the people you disclosed to? Or were you just hooking up with them?

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G77

G77 67

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I've never had to disclose since being diagnosed with ghsv1 because I've lived like a nun since lol. But if I ever meet anyone, once I think it's getting more than just a date to see where it's going, then I would disclose. I would also word it like " have you ever had a cold sore, oh cool well I have the exact same virus only down below". I haven't figured the part out if they say no yet lol. But I'm glad you are taking disclosing serious because some people don't with type 1 because almost everybody has it anyway. Well I didn't have it and clearly you didn't either. My brother was covered in coldsores as a kid! He even used to spread it to his eyes ( not inside just the skin around) I wish whoever infected him had infected me too! 

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Learningtolivewithhsv

Learningtolivewithhsv 5

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11 hours ago, G77 said:

I've never had to disclose since being diagnosed with ghsv1 because I've lived like a nun since lol. But if I ever meet anyone, once I think it's getting more than just a date to see where it's going, then I would disclose. I would also word it like " have you ever had a cold sore, oh cool well I have the exact same virus only down below". I haven't figured the part out if they say no yet lol. But I'm glad you are taking disclosing serious because some people don't with type 1 because almost everybody has it anyway. Well I didn't have it and clearly you didn't either. My brother was covered in coldsores as a kid! He even used to spread it to his eyes ( not inside just the skin around) I wish whoever infected him had infected me too! 

It’s so common but people freaks out once it’s on the genitals. I hope the guy I’m conversing with takes the disclosure well because I would really love to keep him around, if not oh well...his lost lol. But I feel like disclosing is so important, I would never want to infect him the way the guy infected me.

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