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FeelingFoolishUK

Cant tske this all in :(

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FeelingFoolishUK

Well where do I start. Im male 28 years old and live in the UK About 4 weeks ago my now ex (gf) informed me she was going for an STD test as she found a boil down there. She told me on the phone that the nurse that tested her said it doesnt look like anything you could catch. But as a precaution they would do a test and results would be due in 7 days.

Well its been 4 weeks now and today I got "the call" she was diagnosed with Genital Herpes. She was told monday night about this.

Now im not going to point fingers as its probably due to me that this has occured. The only thing is ive never shown any symptoms of this ever nor my previous partner of four years prior to this "fling".

Its all up in the air at the moment but the facts are staring me in the face and I cant hide away (as much as im trying to do now). I know it affacts people menatally more than some people physically, but at this moment in time I really do not know what to do.

and hello to the forum

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lilanne19

It's true, if you've never been tested you'll never know if you gave it to her or vice versa. The first thing I would do is get tested, don't cross any bridges unless you have to. Some people have this virus and rarely if ever show symptoms so that the fact that you've never had any is a moot point. They could've been so mild that you never even noticed them. Get tested and find out if you have it, if you do have it you're in a good position because a. the diagnosis will not come totally out of the blue so you won't be completely blindsided and b. you already know that having it is not the end of the world. You may still be devastated but you know you'll get through it. However, the same thing applies to her. She could've had it for years and never knew it, if you used a condom then the better for you. While condoms don't really protect women from herpes, they do a better job of protecting men so if she had it previously and you protected yourself then you do have a shot. So, go get tested and get out of limbo. Limbo can be worse than the actual diagnosis, trust me.

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FeelingFoolishUK

Wow its pretty late but I cant sleep (wonder why). Im going to get tested and Im actually prepeared for the worst. But this whole situation has had be going back in my mind to years ago. Trying to remember if ive ever had a cold saw (i had a few at a younger age) and chicken pox. Now I know for the very few that this is a one time deal (regarding the first OB).

If I do have GH then ill deal with it. It isnt going to effect my life (dont think ill have to wear a sign around my neck). But this has been the mother of ALL wake up calls in my life. But at the moment im just in the "googling for info" stage.

Trying to keep positive about this

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Claudia

There are a lot of unknowns here, especially since you haven't had an genital outbreak. However, it is important for you to be aware that if you have had cold sores, you can infect someone else with your cold sores/herpes orally, genitally, or wherever else your mouth area contacts their skin, especially if they do not already have protective antibodies.

Claudia

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    • honkschonks
      @Anon222 I told the women I have slept with most recently. She’s been a regular partner who has had zero symptoms. She’s going to get tested. She’s the most level headed person I know and a good friend. One doctor told me for legal reasons to tell everyone in the past year that I have it. Another doctor said that’s unrealistic and pointless. I have no idea when it started as I had no major undoubtable outbreak, so going back a year may be too far, it may not be far enough. I’m not sure what to do. It has irritated me how casual doctors are about this. It won’t kill you but The emotional effect of knowing you have it or thinking you may have it seems to be more damaging than having it. People on here talking about suicide. I guess that’s why they don’t test for it, or it just got out of hand and there’s no going back. Strangely I haven’t been that stressed about it. Luckily I’ve been very busy working so I haven’t had time worry about it. Thanks @NY12345 for your thoughts.
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    • IcantThinkofaName
      I've also considered this option..and its still looking like a good idea. so... Did you try any other Av's like famvir or privetir? I think there are some others too...  Up the vitamin C, check your vit D levels via bloodwork... Are you stressed out or have a stressful lifestyle ( aside from having HSV, which alone is a stressor)? There are no other health issues going on ? How hard are your workouts? The last few Obs I had were after very intense resistance/weight workouts, and I was completely exhausted after...combined with a night of bad or little sleep. Tried L- glutamine supplementation? Lithium orotate ( its a supplement too) has been known to supress the virus/replication too. I have also read it could mutate it...not sure how accurate that is, or if there was a study that proved that..maybe google it. I took The lithium one time and it was an abbreviated/shorter Outbreak than others...but I was also taking alot of vit C, or it could have happened for another reason...I'll never know for sure. but...mediating for 12 hours a day might help too... (seriously) but just don't meditate on HSV. Or maybe in another year your body will get a better hold on the virus and can cope better. it is depressing, I can relate.  My Obs have finally  lessened after 1 yr and 3 months. I still have almost daily sensations, tingling though..I'm probably contagious AF. Sex isn't really on the radar anymore. so No reason to take the AVs as they cause some side effects for me. Time to join that monastery. There are more important things in life than sex, right?  (thats what some people are telling me and I want to punch them. I really liked/enjoyed sex) Hang in there. I was told after the 6 yr mark, HSV becomes a non issue in your body. ( thats what one of my Drs told me, so  not sure how accurate that is either, but I guess it gives me 4.5 years of hope) let me know if any of this helps or you find something that does.I wish you the best.  
    • NY12345
      Perhaps some of the best advice I received a couple of years back was that even if you do have herpes, it doesn’t mean that everything going on downstairs IS herpes. Blisters on your penis, probably herpes. Cuts in your buttcrack, maybe-maybe not.  You’re not damaged goods, you’re now in the majority of the population which had some form of HSV. Your confidence, honesty and being a good partner will determine how your life moves forward, even if that’s hard to believe now. There will be rejection, oftentimes because of lack of education, and sometimes because not everyone wants to take that risk. That’s ok, people are turned down for all sorts of reasons, that’s just life. It’s ok to be bummed out, but herpes isn’t the end all be all.
    • Anon222
      Hey there, I think you should tell him. Wouldn’t you want the same if the roles were reversed and he had it but you didn’t? He has the right to know and should get tested. From what I’ve read though there’s a good chance that you didn’t transmit it because it’s hard to transmit GSHV1 to another’s genitals.  Don’t feel bad about it. You are a person and people make mistakes. Having this open conversation is important if you truly care about him I think. Good luck 
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