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Relationship with Coworker..

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Hi All,

I have a complicated situation (I'm sure most of us on here do in one way or another), but i wanted to share my story with you.

Over the past 6 months i have established a romantic relationship with a co-worker (We both work in a corporate setting and work together on some work matters).  We've had sex a total of 3 times, but in the past 2 months i've actually really started to begin thinking of her as something i could really date, building a long lasting relationship with.  Apparently she has too --- she had told me this in person about a month ago (twice actually).  What i didnt have the guts to tell in the moment was that i have HSV2 -- i told her i couldnt mix work/personal together (which was a small percentage of the truth behind why i didnt want to pursue this further).

Now i know i should have told her before the 1st time, the 2nd time, and the 3rd time.  What i dont know how to do now is cope with this situation at work.  I want to tell her, but i am afraid of so much more than her just knowing that i have it.  I am afraid of the repercussions at work, legally, socially (she is very well connected in the social circle at work).  Could i lose my job?  Will she be accepting after 3 times of me not telling her?  We clearly both really like each other but at the same time, the risk feels so tremendously high.  It's really starting to affect my work and relationships at work because of my mentality right now.  

Anyone have any advice of what to do going forward?  

Thanks all

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Well if I was her, I would personally feel so betrayed. I wouldn't want to date anyone who had put me at risk without telling me as i wouldnt trust them. The best advice I could give would be either break things off with her or do what I've just read by @Quest on another post and go and get std checks together and request hsv on the check. Then you have to decide if you are gonna admit that you knew or play dumb like you didn't. It's whether you can carry that secret on your shoulders from her if things get really serious. 

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Tks @G77

I think you should say you are serious and would like to possibly build a life together. 

I told my all my relationships I wanted to go get STD tested. We went on a date afterwards. It was fun. They don't have HSV 1/  2 on the panel.  Just ask them what a full panel consists of. Then tell them you want HSV-1 and 2 tested. Just let the test inform her. 

ETA You can say you let hormones take over and now you need to do it right because you think you would be great in a relationship together.

The first time they didn't test  my boyfriend and I. A year later we insisted on it. He had HSV1 and I had HSV2. We were shocked, but he wanted to stay together!

This possibly means that my H didn't tell me he had hsv2? My H stopped having sex very early in the marriage! After several decades I told him I needed sex, but I wanted to stay married. I now get sex with a man who is also in a sexless marriage. 

Edited by Quest

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