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Ary

Any couple advice?

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Ary

My husband will be coming home from prison soon. I was diagnosed with herpes ll very recently. He knows my situation and still wants to be with me. He knows his risks of contracting the infection. Hes very fixated on giving me oral sex. I'm just so scared to give him someone on his mouth :( Any advice on that topic? Any advice on how to still feel sexy and how to fulfill his sexual desires without feeling disgusted with myself? He says if he doesnt care about it neither should I... HELP ME :(

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WilsoInAus

Hey @Ary how long have you had the virus do you think? How often do you get a lesion?

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Ary

I believe I just contracted it about a month ago. So far that I know I've only had one ob. If we have sex... say we have sex without a condom & then from there we go to oral sex can that spread to my mouth? Or vice versa? I've read since I have it genitally it's rare to get it orally. Is that true? 

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WilsoInAus

Was your swab properly typed? What sexual activity did you have in the week before the outbreak arose?

Assuming for the moment a recent infection of genital HSV-2, I'd recommend taking considerable care for the next six months. This is when you are going to be at your most infectious, but things will settle down after that. I would recommend you to talk to your doctor about suppressive dosing of antivirals. This will help reduce transmission chances significantly. I strongly recommend he use condoms again for a period of six months.

After about six months, the chance of you being infected orally are negligible, but a bit of care wouldn't go astray in the mean time. I'd suggest oral sex on you is OK in the mean time provided you feel really normal down there, but no kissing straight afterwards for example.

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Ary

I had a swab done that came back positive but my blood test was negative which is why is believes I just contracted it. I had sex beginning of May unprotected then about a week ago my swab came back positive so I believe it was from that one time. Like I said my husband is coming home after being away almost 10 yrs and hes okay with it and knows he will some time contract it since he doesnt want to use condoms. We just dont want anything on our face. Wouldn't oral on be unsafe since I'm infected? & once we have sex wouldn't oral be unsafe on him since I might infect him? 

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WilsoInAus

@Ary I would check if your swab was properly typed. Many swabs are not typed. If it is HSV-1 that you have then chances are your partner does too and all will be fine.

If it is HSV-2, the chances of an oral infection for him are incredibly low, low enough not to worry that much. Even if infected orally with HSV-2, it tends not to cause outbreaks from that location.

You giving him oral sex represents no issues at all in terms of transmitting HSV-2 which exists only in your genital area.

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Ary

Thank you so much. Your feed back is really helping me feel better about having an actual sex life! So as weird & crazy as it sounds... since hes kinda "willing" to catch the infection we really have no reason for contraceptives? How do you feel about taking Lysine daily? I've thought about it since I love junk food. & can I still have a normal heathly baby? Sorry so many questions. I'm just so new to all this. 

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WilsoInAus
4 minutes ago, Ary said:

Thank you so much. Your feed back is really helping me feel better about having an actual sex life! So as weird & crazy as it sounds... since hes kinda "willing" to catch the infection we really have no reason for contraceptives? How do you feel about taking Lysine daily? I've thought about it since I love junk food. & can I still have a normal heathly baby? Sorry so many questions. I'm just so new to all this. 

No there isn't need for condoms at all. I would talk to your doctor about suppression therapy though, it will protect him and potentially a useful thing for the final months of pregnancy if that happy event arises.

The healthier you are, the better experience in life you will have, and that includes with herpes. Junk food can not be the best for your immune system and there is no offset from a pill bottle for that!

You can have a perfectly healthy baby. Herpes is the least of your worries in that department. About 1 in 5 babies born this very day vaginally in the US are to mothers with genital herpes. A few in thousand will be infected during the birth.

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Ary

I will call my doctor tomorrow & ask about that. What exactly is suppression therapy? I asked if they would put me on a medication but they kinda blew it off & said I can get something whenever I have an ob. But I will make sure to call & ask about it tomorrow. Is that expensive? You have no idea how great you made me feel. Especially knowing theres a very low percentage that we will be having sores on our face/mouth :) & also about having a healthy baby 😭🥰

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WilsoInAus
1 hour ago, Ary said:

I will call my doctor tomorrow & ask about that. What exactly is suppression therapy? I asked if they would put me on a medication but they kinda blew it off & said I can get something whenever I have an ob. But I will make sure to call & ask about it tomorrow. Is that expensive? You have no idea how great you made me feel. Especially knowing theres a very low percentage that we will be having sores on our face/mouth :) & also about having a healthy baby 😭🥰

I know that to take antivirals only when you have an outbreak is a common response from doctors. However it is also pretty useless as once an outbreak starts, the horse has usually bolted so to speak.

Suppression means that you take the antiviral very regularly (daily for valtrex, twice daily for acyclovir) and it reduces outbreaks and shedding by half or more. This reduces transmission chances a lot. It is the best measure a female can take to protect a male. Condoms are useful too, but agreed they are not preferred for a couple.

Hence although the doctor might be right in saying that YOU technically only 'need' antivirals during an outbreak to help (potentially) tell them that it is YOUR relationship and YOUR partner who you are concerned about who 'need' the antivirals to assist in your confidence and reduced transmission chances. In the end it is your choice but weigh up the pros (listed above) and cons (cost and possible side effects, very minimal if any for most people).

Cost, there are cheaper generic options such that I'm thinking you can obtain an annual supply for $100-$200. 

I don't think you need to consider antivirals for an extended period, I think they may help with your immediate confidence, giving birth if it comes to that. 

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Ary

I wonder if I can find antivirals in the pharmacy's in Mexico because I am so near the border and cost may be cheaper. That you so much for your information. I will forsure consult my doctor see what my options are and cost will be. 

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