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Purple Orchid

Just diagnosed

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Purple Orchid

Hello. I'm new to this group. I was just formally diagnosed last week and I've been really having a hard time with it. I've had it for about 6 years but I was always hoping maybe it was something different until last week. Feeling pretty hopeless about the future and a lot of shame. I joined this group hoping maybe I could find some information and comfort knowing how others deal with a diagnosis

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sillysister

Hi! I'm in a bit similar situation with you. I most likely got ghsv2 from my husband years back, and only much later realized what those symptoms are & got it verified a couple of months ago. Kind of interesting to notice what a huge difference there is mentally, between being almost certain and knowing for sure 🤔

I was almost certain I have it for a couple of years already, but didn't think about it much before the diagnosis. Me & my husband didn't see it neccessary to get tested because we thought this is the last intimate relationship for both of us and physically this is not really an issue for me. Well, now that divorce is a very real option, I wanted to know my status & I'm having trouble coming into terms with this. We don't blame each other for this, it's just what happened to come to our way. But still... I also feel I need to get support from others dealing with these same feelings. I'm sure it's going to be ok eventually, just need to work on it a bit at the moment.

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Purple Orchid

Hi!  Omgoodness. We are very similar. My husband had it on his back and told.me it was irritation from his boxers waistband.  6 yrs later I developed I thought an ingrown hair that itched terribly. But couldn't find the hair. Months later I.got a.good.look at his irritation and it was a.patch of.blisters.  I looked it up and it was sacral herpes. Aka hsv2. I was so upset. I have been Incredibly angry and.resentful at him bc his negligence affected my life. He refused to accept that is what it was and I never had a reason to know for sure . Now.we are getting divorced and I needed to know. He still doesn't believe he has it and won't go to the Dr. So he.will continue to spread it and won't have to gave the shame and he'll we do being honest people. It makes me.so angry but I am trying to get over that. I know.it hurts no one but me.  But life looks so scary right.now. I just feel like I wasn't.promiscuous and I have been through enough and.dont deserve this scarlet letter to bear. I guess when I.got married I thought the worrying was over and  it's just beginning. My friend said everyone has probably been exposed to it and.we were.just the lucky ones that caught it. It wasn't our fault, it was our bad luck.  If 1 of 5 have it, the odds arent good but a lot of.people are just more fortunate. 

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sillysister

Sounds like for many many people herpes becomes an issue the moment a relationship is coming to an end. I had exactly the same thing: no reason to be sure before now. And now the blow is worse than I was anticipating, even though I was prepared for the results. By the way,  reading these (mostly) American discussion forums is not helping that much because I think the stigma is way worse there than anywhere else in the world..! I've long time ago given up thinking that people get what they deserve in this life time -- no we don't, so much of it is totally uncontrollable and we just have to deal with and make best of whatever comes.

I've been thinking back my life, and I probably wouldn't have done anything differently even if I had known my husband had this. Well we don't know if he had this first, we don't  even know if he has it at all because in my country he won't get the free testing without symptoms and he doesn't want to pay a private lab 🙄 But considering the timing of my symptoms and the fact that he's some years older than me and had had a few more relationships before me we just assume this by the odds. And we think it's almost impossible for him to NOT have it in any case, for we've been together 12 years, have two kids, and have known about this two months but I think my first symptoms were at least 8 years ago. I'm not ashamed of this, only a bit scared about how this will affect potential future relationships, both for myself and for my husband. Seems that the best option is to go for smart and kind people… Luckily I'm into that sort of guys already.

I hope you'll soon get over the anger and shame, and  I'm sure you will ❤️ Maybe your husband made a mistake and was a bit careless but at least it doesn't sound like he meant to hurt you. Maybe it's a shock for him as well and has put him in some kind of denial for now?

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