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Smartest disclosing strategy after sex

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blurneworder
Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

How about for a change in order to stop being a negative troll YOU do some research.

You have asked for sources multiple times and EVERY time they have been provided and you NEVER comment, apologise or acknowledge. Everyone has given up on, you’re miserable and depressed and reflecting this as a herpes fatasist.

But I won’t give up until the light shines into your life and you will have the Damascus journey.

It is no one’s fault you cannot accept you do not have genital herpes but YOURS. No one is interested in your story any more, the facts are there, that’s it, it’s done. It’s time to move on and help people without an “I” in any of your posts.

This isn’t about personal problems with me. I am not claiming to have genital herpes right now in this thread. You have got to settle down and reflect on why you are rabid when it comes to hijacking threads.

Please stay on topic 

Edited by blurneworder

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WilsoInAus
4 minutes ago, blurneworder said:

Small scale study. 

Your made up percentage seem to be opinion only.

Agree, very likely to over estimate the disclosure percentage.

Wheres your input?

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blurneworder
Posted (edited)
1 minute ago, WilsoInAus said:

Agree, very likely to over estimate the disclosure percentage.

Wheres your input?

You’re trying to reassure the poster with made up percentages. 

It’s misleading and cruel

Edited by blurneworder

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WilsoInAus
4 minutes ago, blurneworder said:

You’re trying to reassure the poster with made up percentages. 

It’s misleading and cruel

Not made up, it’s in the studies that I have at least has the courtesy to reference.

Whats misleading? Where are your sources that show this?

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Pitchbird
Posted (edited)

It may be small scale but at least it shows me that I'm by far not the only one who isn't willing to disclose to casual partners anymore.

The damage for oneself is too high to make it worth it imho:

- seduction becomes difficult as guy if they know in advance

- you're very likely to become a gossip object if it happens within your social circle

- you get abandoned before it even starts to get intense

- you end up lonely and depressed after being abandoned for such a reason

Still, that doesn't answer the question if it's better to disclose properly out of nowhere during the relationship or wait for the symptoms to appear and pretend to be surprised and fake the doctor diagnosis afterwards. At the moment I think the true disclosure would be less likely to be accepted by the partner, but in case it works it would feel better in the end because there's less of a secret kept in the long run... and of course there's lower moral burden when disclosing earlier because you're handing over responsibility of risk exposure to the partner.

Edited by Pitchbird

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T9000

You're probably going to get sued before too long. You are not a smart guy in addition to your being morally bankrupt.

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The

OP if it makes you feel any better there are millions of people who live their lives in denial and never disclose to anyone, EVER for as long as they live, and pretend nothing ever happened.. Why not just join them? As you mentioned, you clearly don't care about putting others at risk between OB's right? So why wouldn't you just live out your days pretending you don't have it and hope that your girlfriend is asymptomatic in the event that she does catch it? HSV is hardly an endangered species, but if you're pro-virus who am I to judge?

You've clearly established that morality isn't a factor for you, so why even bother with a fake diagnosis disclosure, post-intercourse? She will likely reject you either way the second she finds out you have it. So if you're gonna lie then just... well, lie! lol. I dont even know why you're asking for our advice here, it seems like youve got your mind made up. This almost sounds like a troll thread....

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Pitchbird
5 hours ago, T9000 said:

You're probably going to get sued before too long.

i think i have to disappoint you on this one since i don't live in USA.

5 hours ago, T9000 said:

You are not a smart guy in addition to your being morally bankrupt.

Why do you even participate here if you have nothing more than oral diarrhea to add?

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Pitchbird
Posted (edited)
11 hours ago, The said:

OP if it makes you feel any better there are millions of people who live their lives in denial and never disclose to anyone, EVER for as long as they live, and pretend nothing ever happened.. Why not just join them? As you mentioned, you clearly don't care about putting others at risk between OB's right?

I never said I didn't care. I just said I am aware of the (low) risk.

Quote

So why wouldn't you just live out your days pretending you don't have it and hope that your girlfriend is asymptomatic in the event that she does catch it?

I'm sure that's a very common strategy and highly likely to happen that way. In a long term relationship the partner will see an outbreak at some point though, so how does it help to always pretend nothing is there?

Quote

HSV is hardly an endangered species, but if you're pro-virus who am I to judge?

i guess that's supposed to be funny.

Quote

You've clearly established that morality isn't a factor for you, so why even bother with a fake diagnosis disclosure, post-intercourse?

i haven't established that.

Quote

She will likely reject you either way the second she finds out you have it.

is that your experience?

Edited by Pitchbird

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T9000
7 hours ago, Pitchbird said:

i think i have to disappoint you on this one since i don't live in USA.

Why do you even participate here if you have nothing more than oral diarrhea to add?

You live in Cambodia or something? 

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G77

Or you could try the old fashioned way and get to know the girl properly first before sex. Get her to like you as a person and then she can make an informed decision. If I found out a guy had lied to me and not disclosed, I would dump his arse regardless of how much I liked him because I would believe that he didn't really care about me. The fake option where she thinks you didn't know..could you live with that if things turned really serious? You are going to face some rejection without a doubt but that is for the girl to decide and not you as to whether she puts herself at risk. You also don't know for a fact why the girls ghosted you..they may have just not felt a connection with you! I think both ideas are not great but the end decision is yours. Just think about the situation you are in now and that you could be putting someone else in that situation or maybe many more people as clearly this shit spreads! I bet you would have liked a choice when you caught it. 

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Pitchbird
37 minutes ago, G77 said:

Or you could try the old fashioned way and get to know the girl properly first before sex. Get her to like you as a person and then she can make an informed decision.

Already tried, ruined the seduction. Discarded.

37 minutes ago, G77 said:

If I found out a guy had lied to me and not disclosed, I would dump his arse regardless of how much I liked him because I would believe that he didn't really care about me.

With the same logic you would dump a potential boyfriend who kissed you and some time later tells you that he has labial herpes outbreaks sometimes. I have never ever heard of such a case.

37 minutes ago, G77 said:

The fake option where she thinks you didn't know..could you live with that if things turned really serious?

Of course I would prefer not to choose the fake option, that's why I'm still thinking and asking for other ideas. At the moment I am rather tending to do the true disclosure when I feel like the time has come and the girl is emotionally attached enough to accept it.

37 minutes ago, G77 said:

You are going to face some rejection without a doubt but that is for the girl to decide and not you as to whether she puts herself at risk.

In case I decide to disclose without the fake option now and she leaves, I think I would never do it again.

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G77
Posted (edited)

@Pitchbird whatever you think, it's not right to put someone at risk without them consenting. I don't care how many people disclose, they are wrong! Alot of people out there dont realise that you can catch someones oral infection on the genitals so that is a totally different situation. You know what risk you are putting them in. As for ruining the seduction, maybe you should stop thinking with what's in your pants and actually use your brain. How old are you? I'm guessing pretty young. I know it's difficult when you are in your sexual prime but the only idea you should be thinking about is disclosing before and take the knocks or don't have sex! I also know you don't want to hear the moral way but if you come on a herpes forum for advice on which way is the best way to trick a girl and knowingly putting her at risk, then you are going to get people coming at you from a moral perspective. 

Edited by G77

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Pitchbird
40 minutes ago, G77 said:

@Pitchbird As for ruining the seduction, maybe you should stop thinking with what's in your pants and actually use your brain.

brain, yea... and the most intelligent nerds always get the hottest women, right?

Sorry, i think as a woman you are not able to judge on the difficulty at all.

40 minutes ago, G77 said:

I know it's difficult when you are in your sexual prime but the only idea you should be thinking about is disclosing before and take the knocks or don't have sex!

i think i cannot take that kind of rejection anymore.

40 minutes ago, G77 said:

I also know you don't want to hear the moral way but if you come on a herpes forum for advice on which way is the best way to trick a girl and knowingly putting her at risk, then you are going to get people coming at you from a moral perspective. 

Maybe I am in the wrong place here, yes. Funny though that i receive private messages from people who appearently think like me. Looks like they don't wanna deal with the public moral hammer.

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BioHacker
Posted (edited)

Morality aside, it could be that your "disclosure" talk is not as reassuring as it could be. With awareness of diagnosis, suppressive meds, and condoms every time, the risk of male-to-female transmission is very low. How low? If you and a female partner were having sex twice a week, it would be a 1-in-600 year event. Assuming precautions are taken, your female partner would be likely to die of old age without ever getting HSV, even of you had sex with her every single day without a day off for the rest of your life.

Edited by BioHacker

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G77
Posted (edited)

@Pitchbird as a woman who caught herpes from a man after 1 night who didn't disclose ( claiming he didn't know), I think I have every right to judge on the subject! Oh and we used a condom..but accidents happen and condoms can come off! But you know what they say, don't argue with a fool! 

Edited by G77

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Joel7
On 6/24/2019 at 5:10 PM, WilsoInAus said:

outside of the US, disclosure approaches zero.

Why do you think this?

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blurneworder
13 minutes ago, Joel7 said:

Why do you think this?

Opinion. Not based on fact.

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WilsoInAus
2 hours ago, Joel7 said:

Why do you think this?

Because if 95% of people don’t disclose in the US. What do you think the rate would be in other countries where testing is practically non existent and there’s a lack of stigma?

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T9000
On 6/25/2019 at 2:53 PM, Pitchbird said:

Maybe I am in the wrong place here, yes. Funny though that i receive private messages from people who appearently think like me. Looks like they don't wanna deal with the public moral hammer.

There are plenty of morally bankrupt people on this website. Just go check out the legal section.

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T9000
18 hours ago, BioHacker said:

Morality aside, it could be that your "disclosure" talk is not as reassuring as it could be. With awareness of diagnosis, suppressive meds, and condoms every time, the risk of male-to-female transmission is very low. How low? If you and a female partner were having sex twice a week, it would be a 1-in-600 year event. Assuming precautions are taken, your female partner would be likely to die of old age without ever getting HSV, even of you had sex with her every single day without a day off for the rest of your life.

Which studies are you basing these numbers on?

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Focri
Posted (edited)
On 6/24/2019 at 10:47 AM, Pitchbird said:

Hello, I have GHSV2 and I'm on suppressive treatment. Outbreaks are rare but can still occur. I never passed it to anyone because of the treatment and because as a male it's quite easy to notice outbreaks.

I disclosed twice to girls before getting intimate and once after sex before without having any symptoms. All 3 seemed to react ok at first but then ghosted on me at some point (not answering anymore). I find that really unfair, so disclosing before sex or at an early relationship stage is not a good strategy I think. I won't do it anymore.

Probably as a guy it's more difficult in general because usually you are the one trying to convince the woman rather than the other way around, so if you bring up such a potential counter argument is not helping at all in the seduction process. Meanwhile girls are the ones being hunted anyway and if they disclose HSV men might rather accept it in favor of satisfying their horniness.  I could be wrong on that but that's not the point here anyway. The point is to find a good strategy for disclosing that will be accepted after the potential partner is already emotionally involved enough to try to cope with it instead of just running away.

Currently I am not disclosing at all which is not the best solution obviously. So far it worked because I either didn't have any outbreaks or when outbreaks occured I just didn't meet the person and said I have a cold or something. But obviously that doesn't work for long-term relationships. So what I am thinking about now is the "fake new diagnosis disclosure": Start getting intimate normally. Watch my skin cautiously and wait until symptoms start showing some day, like red dots (it goes without saying that there should be no sex when blisters or even ulcers have develloped already). Then say that I have noticed something down there and will see a doctor. Then say the doctor says it's HSV and gave me pills to prevent it.

At the moment I think it's the best solution. Do you have a smarter idea?

If you decide to involve in this thread please try to come up with a constructive reply about strategies and not "what you are doing is morally wrong, you must always disclose before sex" or "theoretically you can still pass it even if you don't see any symptoms" because I am aware of that.

I hope you get something worse than herpes.... from someone who knew... decided that they don’t care about your happiness because they care more about themself... and you become sterile so your genes and lessons of judgement don’t t make it to the rest of our children a couple decades from now.   

You’re the reason there’s a stigma - all the deception and stupid assumptions with how one becomes infected. 

You should be banned for starting this stupid post with little possibly of a constructive dialogue 

Edited by Focri
Additional point

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BioHacker
16 hours ago, T9000 said:

Which studies are you basing these numbers on?

Basic assumptions:

Annualized Risk of M-to-F transmission assuming sex 2x per week: 13% (1.27 per 1000 contacts, no suppressive medication, adjusted to reflect no condom use) (https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa035144)

Suppressive meds 50% risk reduction (https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa035144)

Condoms 96% M-to-F risk reduction (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4725379/)

Net annualized M-to-F transmission risk with precautions and sex 2x per week: 0.26%

Under the above assumptions, M-to-F transmission would be a 1-in-385 year event.

A female who begins a discordant relationship under those assumptions would be more likely to die from old age than to acquire HSV2 – and that would be true even if the discordant couple was to have sex every day for the entire remaining duration of their lives (7x per week for life, instead of the assumed 2x per week).

There are additional potential variables, such as duration of infection, knowledge / behavior, age, HSV-1 status of uninfected partner, duration of relationship, etc. Those factors could push the odds one way or another, but are excluded above as they vary according to individual circumstance.

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Pitchbird
On 6/26/2019 at 12:04 PM, G77 said:

@Pitchbird as a woman who caught herpes from a man after 1 night who didn't disclose ( claiming he didn't know), I think I have every right to judge on the subject! Oh and we used a condom..but accidents happen and condoms can come off! But you know what they say, don't argue with a fool! 

You didn't understand what I said. Of course you have a right to judge on the herpes subject. I only said you are not able to judge on the difficulty of seducing women (as your other comment clearly indicated).

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