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practical advice wanted for sex first time after diagnosis

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Likeanswers

HI, I'm 48, diagnosed with HSV2 3 years ago and haven't had sex since.  However, I've just met a guy that I really like and really want to have sex with.  I disclosed to him last weekend and he was amazing, very empathetic, grateful I told him and asked questions.  I think we are going to try and have sex but I am scared and unsure of what to do now.  I'm scared because I am pretty sure the friction of having sex will bring on an outbreak (I've you know, messed around down there a few times which has resulted in an outbreak) and also I have no ideas about the practicalities.   Obviously no oral sex for me (which makes me want to cry all by itself) but what about touching ... should I let him touch me there eek ... I just don't know.

Can anyone share success stories of their amazing love life with HSV2?  Can anyone give me practical tips on how to deal with this in the bedroom? 

All help and advice greatly received.

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Beautifulqueen100

Hey! You already got through the first step of disclosing, which is pretty scary! I am 19 and I didn’t have sex for about two/three months after my diagnosis and I was freaking out about disclosing but it worked out well after I told him. You will see that it is not such a big deal as people make it and you will come across some very supportive and understanding men. I did have sex with the guy a few months ago (I have a boyfriend now) and we used condoms, lube and he sometimes kept his boxers on when we first started out having sex. Yes he can touch you down there, but if your afraid friction will cause an outbreak tell him not to be too rough down there and use LUBE! I love lube!!! Also once you get a little bit more comfortable with each other bring up the topic of oral sex with him and see what he thinks. It’s not granteed he will catch a cold sore on his lip but it’s not guaranteed that he won’t, it’s a risk but it’s something that you can discuss with your partner personally and see what you guys want to do.  Just relax and take it slow, be comfortable and communicate with him openly. You have already gotten past the scary part so now it’s just applying everything you’ve guys talked about and whatever precautions you want to take in the bed! Have fun, you only live once so don’t be afraid to step into something new. This is a new beginning for you☺️

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Likeanswers

thank you, you are indeed a beautiful queen!  This is really encouraging to hear.  I have lube, condoms and am taking suppressive therapy.   Hopefully he won't be scared off by this ... time will tell, thank you again

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C_Swerve

I just got my first outbreak and I’m wondering do I have to tell every new guy I meet about my condition? 

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WilsoInAus
56 minutes ago, C_Swerve said:

I just got my first outbreak and I’m wondering do I have to tell every new guy I meet about my condition? 

Hey there.

There is no right or wrong answer to this question, you can only choose what is right for you under the circumstances that present themselves.

Whether a person ought to disclose depends on many factors such as herpes type and location, the cultural/societal attitudes and the nature of relationship being contemplated.

In the end, you get out of a relationship what you put into it.

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RNY18
Posted (edited)

Yes,there is is a right answer and it’s that you should inform a prospective sexual partner because there is a risk you can infect him or her.

Edited by RNY18

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Beautifulqueen100

@C_Swerve If you plan on becoming sexually active with a guy yes you do need to tell them before you become sexually active with that person. If you meet a guy and go out on a couple of dates and feel like it’s not going anywhere then no you don’t and you can just go your separate ways. You do not have to tell every new guy you MEET immediately about it especially if it’s personal to you but if you meet a new guy and you find yourself wanting to take it further then yes DISCLOSE BEFORE you have sex with that person. This is not only for his safety but yours as well, STD’s is a conversation that needs to be brought up before all sexual encounters and now that we have personally experienced what it feels like for it not to be brought up before sex let’s change the game and communicate effectively. Feel free to message me with any more questions😄

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Beautifulqueen100

@LikeanswersThank you so much! And no problem, feel free to message me with any more questions you may have or advice you may need😄

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Likeanswers

@Beautifulqueen100Hi, I'm back.  So I think the guy is pretty scared of having sex with me actually, in fact he told me that he doesn't want to catch herpes.  At the time I didn't have the answers for him (we had had a bit too much beer) and I was kinda shocked by this as I thought we were jut taking it slow but it turns out, I don't think he wants to have sex.  I don't really know what to do in this situation, I know we need to talk more about it but what if he can't handle it?  Everything else is going great between us and I am just feeling really sad basically annoyed with myself for having this in the first place.  Urgh

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