New diagnosis of herpes in longtime marriage

[Skiracer321]

Hi everyone, i have not been diagnosed officially but have all the symptoms for hsv2.   Mysterious white simple like lessions,  burning in crotch area when nothing is there, buttock s muscle pain ect.  I also had an outbtreak possibly 12 years ago after getting back with my girlfriend now shes my wife.  

Any input would be helpfull in figuring where this came from.  

My girlfriend now wife and i were together for 2 years and i had no issues with herpes or anything.  Then one day she stops talking to me the same time her longtime exboyfriend gets out if prison.  Almost 2  months go by and i hear nothing fron her.  I finally won her back.   She professed she wasn't seeing anyone including her ex.  We went out then had sex that Friday night and by Tuesday or Wednsday i was breaking out down there for the first time ever.  I didnt know what it was.  I do remember saying something about it to her but i think we just blew it off as a fluke.  One of which i dont think she would even remember today.  Fast forward 12 years later after 11 years of marriage and no outbreaks or anything for that matter.  2 months in row I've noticed symptoms but no confirmation.  

Now i am in a predicerment being accused of cheating when i have not.  In fact just the opposite.  Why i married her i dont know.  I guess i felt no one would want to be with someone with herpes.  Had a hard enough time trying to get women interested.  2 peas in a pod right?  She was never diagnosed in fact she says her doctor gave her a clean bill of health down there a year ago during a checkup supposedly.   She is also a very insecure jealous type.  She would start a divorce over this i believe.  

Any insight into or suggestions would be appreciated thank you listening.  

[Quest]

On 7/9/2019 at 7:37 PM, Skiracer321 said:

She was never diagnosed in fact she says her doctor gave her a clean bill of health down there a year ago during a checkup supposedly.   She is also a very insecure jealous type.  She would start a divorce over this i believe.  

This could be true because they just don't test for HSV. The STD panel is not what you think.

If she's accusing you of cheating just understand that you could have had it all along and she could have had it all along without symptoms. We just don't know where this came from and you have your suspicions and I believe they are valid. Either one of you could have had this before because it takes a taxed immune system or stress to surface and it's very possible that you're first outbreak was very mild and most people don't even recognize their first outbreak. 80% of people don't know that they have herpes 2. 

One can easily find that information on the internet. On the other hand, if she is accusing you of cheating and you think it will lead to a divorce that you do not want... well then accept the hand that you have been dealt or you can relay events the way you remember them. You know better than us. 

The proper way I would go about it is to point out all of the different ways this could have happened. You don't have to blame her or yourself. There is an automatic out for each of you. Everyone who has this is a victim and I think it's better to just let it go. That is easier said than done. I have done it and I don't know how I have kept my mouth shut. But I also realize that it's possible that I had it and my husband did not give it to me! You have a very easy out and we can help you.

N

[Skiracer321]

Thanks for your help☺.  The ex boyfriend thing was before we were married.  I believe she may have contracted it from him after theyblet him out or she was going through an outbreak herself and chose till she was better before getting together with me i dont know.  

For the record i have not said anything yet.  I have shyed away from sex during the alleged outbreaks.   The last few months have been hard enough on me now out of no where suprise.  Just pacifiing the situation to the inevitable.  If she already has it how the hell can we give it back to each other?  Maybe we both had and didnt know otherwise.  Can i cause her to have an outbreak?

 

Not sure why she brought the testing thing up a year ago out of no where.  Probably a CYA thing.   I think she would probably deny having or knowing she might have it for the same reasons i might think or anyone elsea first thought would be...cheating.  Although a good doctor would tell us you probably both had it a long time ago befire you even met.  Sadly enough she was only my second partner ever. 

 

It was obvious she was doing something back then.  I was going to night school living by myself the year before we got married.  I wont into detail but between friends and neighbors something was amiss.  Fast forward 12 years later that same person in some ways i think has returned.   Carrying mouthwash in her car closing her text window if i happen to pass by.  Maybe im just paranoid.  After 11 years of marriage sometimes you just dont care unless this happens.  Or you just say no she wouldn't do that.  She seems fine other than that.  Do you think i should be angry or upset ?  

Edited July 10, 2019 by Skiracer321

[Quest]

On 7/9/2019 at 8:34 PM, Skiracer321 said:

Do you think i should be angry or upset ?  

I had run through all emotions including anger, but I kept it to myself. Even if he got it from his ex l can't fault him. I went back the line of my relationships and how did I know they were clean? I can't

[Skiracer321]

She does the text thing repeatedly.  She also likes to send me out to the store while she stays hime for no reason at all.   At least lately anyways.  She is also nearing menopause still has cycles though.  Wondering if that promotes breakouts.  I heard it does.  In that case she might even know already know or going to shortly.  Then of course theres the possibility she knew before we got married or  contracted it through her ex during that time.  Would really suck to have her starts freaking out and blame me even though she knows or thinks she has it.  She would say automatically i know you didnt get this from me.  Who you been with?  Very sad. We dont argue or fight everything is going good and then say "hi honey im going to the doctor my penis itches and has herpes like blisters on it.  I need to get this checked out" .  Ya that'll go over like a lead balloon right?   I already know how this is going to end.  With me sitting alone in an apartment somewhere giving out half my paycheck to her for the next 5 years.  Divorce.  

On a different note it does seem like alcohol has a lot to do with this.  I have been using it as a nightcap to get to sleep every night cause i eork a 2nd shift.   First time was about 3 weeks straight of night caps then bam hellol again.  I guess it drags me down.  That and stress of course.  What about you?

[Skiracer321]

On 7/9/2019 at 7:14 PM, Quest said:

This could be true because they just don't test for HSV. The STD panel is not what you think.

If she's accusing you of cheating just understand that you could have had it all along and she could have had it all along without symptoms. We just don't know where this came from and you have your suspicions and I believe they are valid. Either one of you could have had this before because it takes a taxed immune system or stress to surface and it's very possible that you're first outbreak was very mild and most people don't even recognize their first outbreak. 80% of people don't know that they have herpes 2. 

One can easily find that information on the internet. On the other hand, if she is accusing you of cheating and you think it will lead to a divorce that you do not want... well then accept the hand that you have been dealt or you can relay events the way you remember them. You know better than us. 

The proper way I would go about it is to point out all of the different ways this could have happened. You don't have to blame her or yourself. There is an automatic out for each of you. Everyone who has this is a victim and I think it's better to just let it go. That is easier said than done. I have done it and I don't know how I have kept my mouth shut. But I also realize that it's possible that I had it and my husband did not give it to me! You have a very easy out and we can help you.

N

Thank you for your words back then.  

[Skiracer321]

How can you help me with this out?  Thanks.

[Quest]

On 11/11/2019 at 11:06 PM, Skiracer321 said:

How can you help me with this out?  Thanks.

I just would not tell a jealous person. It won't turn out well for you. 

I tried pregnenolone months back when l stopped coming in. I love it because it is the precursor for all missing hormones. I don't have to guess at how much DHEA is missing! 

[Hml]

It sounds like she brought it to you. It sucks being alone and dealing with hsv2. My bf gave it to  me and I got really sick with it within 4 days of have sex with him after I had just the week before gotten tested and was negative.  I had a feeling something was up that he wasn't telling me. When I said something to him about it he denied having it and later on in the conversation he said it wasn't a big deal. He was working out of town at the time so basically that was the end of our relationship. I wanted to warn his new girlfriend so bad but couldn't bring myself to do it because she would not believe me and I would just be the jealous ex . Now I know she has it too unfortunately.  He is a good liar. God knows how many people he has infected.  I had specifically asked him to get tested and he agreed to. He never admitted to having it until months later. Sometimes you are just better off being alone than you are with someone lying to you constantly.  If you two cant talk about it there are bigger problems going on in your marriage. You will survive the divorce and you may not have to pay alimony. Best of luck. Go get tested!