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lonely

help!!!

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lonely

having herpes have affected my life, and been feeling lonely. please some body can help me how to date a person that really want me to be his girlfriend and dont know how i can tell him that i have genital herpes. i really like him ...im scare that he might go away from me and i also scare that i can give him herpes...:confused::(

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austintxee

Honestly it is better to tell sooner than later. If you wait too long he might think you betrayed him. Let him get to know you before you tell him so you are more than a girl with an std; you are no different inside now than you were before. Herpes doesn't change who you are. It is very hard to tell someone you have it, but the anxiety of telling is much worse than the telling. Do your research so you can answer his questions and give him solid information. Try not to cry and be positive. It is not going to be as hard as you think it will be. If he gets up and walks out or doesnt take the time to listen than he isn't the kind of guy you should be with. He might react well and tell you it doesn't matter but you have to be honest with him. Honesty and trust are very important in a relationship. When I told the guy I am with he reacted well. We went over info for about 10 mins before he just closed the computer and said "it doesnt matter... it won't change the way I feel." People are all different but if he lets this get between you than he isn't worth the time. Good luck and let us know!

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alwaysalone

tell him straight out whats up. it will be much easier for you and him in the end if you just tell him. good luck

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ArizonaLove

I to am getting ready to tell my special someone. It's still early on. Having a STD really does affect things, but who you are as a person isn't changed. For the most part, It changed me, but for the better. Getting it actually straigtened out my life. No more random drunken parties, or sleeping around. I no longer do drugs, or feel the need to drink to have fun.

And the way I look at it now is, you can do something other people cant, you can screen a guy. Face it, if the guy just wants to be with you so he can score, then he'll flip out and leave. But if the guy is interested in you as a person, it wont affect him much. If a guy is interested in you as a person then sex is a side benefit, rather than the focus of a relationship.

Some times it helps to look at things from different point of veiws. All tho its hard to think positive, look at it from a positive point of veiw. Also before telling him think about what you would want to hear if it was being told to you.

I plan to tell him when It's just me and him, but at a time where he can leave afterwards. Such as I won't tell him on a night I plan to sleep over. And it has been strongly reccomended to not wait until right before something is about to happen to tell him. he may then feel betrayed. You can always role play to pratice too. (sorry for the spelling, I'm half asleep here and everything looks like it's spelled wrong). Your more than welcome to send me a private message on what you would say to role play it if you think it will help.

Remember, I'm right here with you, in the same boat, first time telling a guy I'm dating.

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    • honkschonks
      @Anon222 I told the women I have slept with most recently. She’s been a regular partner who has had zero symptoms. She’s going to get tested. She’s the most level headed person I know and a good friend. One doctor told me for legal reasons to tell everyone in the past year that I have it. Another doctor said that’s unrealistic and pointless. I have no idea when it started as I had no major undoubtable outbreak, so going back a year may be too far, it may not be far enough. I’m not sure what to do. It has irritated me how casual doctors are about this. It won’t kill you but The emotional effect of knowing you have it or thinking you may have it seems to be more damaging than having it. People on here talking about suicide. I guess that’s why they don’t test for it, or it just got out of hand and there’s no going back. Strangely I haven’t been that stressed about it. Luckily I’ve been very busy working so I haven’t had time worry about it. Thanks @NY12345 for your thoughts.
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    • IcantThinkofaName
      I've also considered this option..and its still looking like a good idea. so... Did you try any other Av's like famvir or privetir? I think there are some others too...  Up the vitamin C, check your vit D levels via bloodwork... Are you stressed out or have a stressful lifestyle ( aside from having HSV, which alone is a stressor)? There are no other health issues going on ? How hard are your workouts? The last few Obs I had were after very intense resistance/weight workouts, and I was completely exhausted after...combined with a night of bad or little sleep. Tried L- glutamine supplementation? Lithium orotate ( its a supplement too) has been known to supress the virus/replication too. I have also read it could mutate it...not sure how accurate that is, or if there was a study that proved that..maybe google it. I took The lithium one time and it was an abbreviated/shorter Outbreak than others...but I was also taking alot of vit C, or it could have happened for another reason...I'll never know for sure. but...mediating for 12 hours a day might help too... (seriously) but just don't meditate on HSV. Or maybe in another year your body will get a better hold on the virus and can cope better. it is depressing, I can relate.  My Obs have finally  lessened after 1 yr and 3 months. I still have almost daily sensations, tingling though..I'm probably contagious AF. Sex isn't really on the radar anymore. so No reason to take the AVs as they cause some side effects for me. Time to join that monastery. There are more important things in life than sex, right?  (thats what some people are telling me and I want to punch them. I really liked/enjoyed sex) Hang in there. I was told after the 6 yr mark, HSV becomes a non issue in your body. ( thats what one of my Drs told me, so  not sure how accurate that is either, but I guess it gives me 4.5 years of hope) let me know if any of this helps or you find something that does.I wish you the best.  
    • NY12345
      Perhaps some of the best advice I received a couple of years back was that even if you do have herpes, it doesn’t mean that everything going on downstairs IS herpes. Blisters on your penis, probably herpes. Cuts in your buttcrack, maybe-maybe not.  You’re not damaged goods, you’re now in the majority of the population which had some form of HSV. Your confidence, honesty and being a good partner will determine how your life moves forward, even if that’s hard to believe now. There will be rejection, oftentimes because of lack of education, and sometimes because not everyone wants to take that risk. That’s ok, people are turned down for all sorts of reasons, that’s just life. It’s ok to be bummed out, but herpes isn’t the end all be all.
    • Anon222
      Hey there, I think you should tell him. Wouldn’t you want the same if the roles were reversed and he had it but you didn’t? He has the right to know and should get tested. From what I’ve read though there’s a good chance that you didn’t transmit it because it’s hard to transmit GSHV1 to another’s genitals.  Don’t feel bad about it. You are a person and people make mistakes. Having this open conversation is important if you truly care about him I think. Good luck 
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