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Doesn't Matter Anyway

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Simplex 1 on my crotch, from oral?  Don't remember anyone looking like they had herpes.  Nobody told me.  Nobody complained about mouth sores.  ...Think I now owe everyone I sleep with in the future, the same ...if I can ever get over wanting to be asexual because humanity is so fucking horrible.

Wasn't good enough that I didn't want kids.  Wasn't good enough that I put out before marriage.  Wasn't good enough that I came with the pill or morning after pill but I am allergic to latex (and nobody cared to bring more costly protection than I fucking did).  Never been married.  Lifespan is half-way over.  This is my punishment for trying to enjoy life because "sex is natural."  I would like to just go die in a leprosy colony.  I would like to mutilate myself and cut that shit the fuck off so I never have to be reminded ever again.  Then maybe those who could ever actually do anything about herpes would listen.

Had chickenpox as a kid.  That's not simplex 1, that's simplex 3.  Also had a couple canker sores.  

Was taking a couple anti-depressants.  That shit screws with your nervous system.  Where does herpes live?  In your spine, in the nervous system.  Thought maybe this triggered some revisit of chickenpox.  Maybe it's related.  Dopamine.

Well, never again with the meds, then ...and more than a year later, I have another threat of an outbreak, out of nowhere.  Not even stressed.  Not sure WTF brought this on.  Not sure why God thought of me and decided to make sure I was reminded of how awful I am.

Take the acyclovir, because that's all my shit insurance can do.  Start to get gassy and worry that whatever residue that may be coming from my anus will somehow slide into my vagina and give me a nice infection.  It's awesome.  I'm reminded over and over again, just when I forget and everything seems okay, that I'm not.  Sex is bad.  There is no such thing as love.

Going to wait 2 weeks, and get the shingles vaccine.  See how much that doesn't help.

Taking the L-Lysine.  Drinking the Lemon Balm Tea.  Taking the B Complex. 

Doesn't matter.  I'm ugly on the inside and out and I will never be able to forget it.

Other than that, I don't know what to do.

You guys seem awesome... But I sure as fuck hate everyone else.  I trusted humanity and was vulnerable with them, and they sure fucked me for it.  I will be glad when this life/punishment is over.

Edited by Doesn't Matter Anyway
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I know the feeling. Been dealing with it since 3 years old. I take all the same supplements and more. Just started taking oil of oregano drops hoping this helps the best. Simplex 1. I avoid the sun use sun screen when I will be I. It. I avoid all nuts,( not chocolate or caffeine though). 

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I totally feel this exact way. I fucking hate everyone and question God everyday - why did this happen to me? I thought I was a good person. I was already depressed - why did you have to pile this shit on and rob me of sexual freedom (one of the most important things to me and one of the only things I can own). It’s hard to look for answers, cause we’ll never find them. We just gotta support each other and try our best to stay positive. I’m newly diagnosed so I’m extremely depressed. If you ever need a friend let me know because I’m in the same boat. Hang in there.

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Ya I know how you feel. Had it for 30 years now. When your outbreak free life is so good and you slightly feel like a normal person but it’s all lurking and even when I go maybe 8 months no outbreak I just know it’s a matter time I will get one. Where is it gonna be this time? I’m it one of those that gets them in one spot. Mine can be my nose, around my lips over or below, on my lips. Just brutal. I’m at least Lucky in that I’m married and don’t have to worry about dating. It’s weird cause my wife doesn’t really care I get them, she doesn’t and we aren’t really kissy kissy ever not sure if it’s cause I get the cold sores we Jist never really have been. But when I get outbreaks I’ve always naturally shy away from eye contact and going places. I even lurk around hiding my face contact with my wife and son. 

I have to believe that we are closer to cure or vaccine than ever. Scientists and doctors are too smart, whoever finds the cure will be Rich it’s gonna happen I’m just hoping it’s soon. What a resurgence of life it will be for all of us. 

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    • CHT
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    • FirstTimeUser
      @WilsoInAuswould appreciate your thoughts as have seen you comment quite a bit before!
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      Good morning. My name is Marlena and I come from Poland. Sorry, my English is average. For two years I have been in a relationship with a man, for a year and a half I have been struggling with intimate problems. On average, my intimate condition is getting worse every month. Then I feel itching, redness, swelling around the entrance to the vagina, small blisters (not always). Most often it is only red and swollen, itches and then disappears. This state lasts 3-4 days. I come from a small town, doctors don't know what it is. They say it's 'skin irritation'. They prescribe moisturizing creams with lactic acid, probiotics. It doesn't help. I did a blood test for HSV on my own, which is very expensive in Poland, but it does not separate HSV1 from HSV2. The doctor, when he shows these results, says that it's not herpes, but irritation. I would like to add that in the past I suffered from herpes on the lips, then it was a 'scab'. There has never been a scab in an intimate area. Sometimes there are blisters that last 1-2 days, but not always. So what do high blood test results mean? I would like to add that in Poland people do not talk about the HSV virus. It's just that sometimes someone has it on their lips and that's it. Results translation: IgM HSV 1/2: questionable IgG HSV 1/2: result above the measuring range https://files.fm/f/4cpu7uee4  
    • FirstTimeUser
      This is my first time posting here. Im generally pretty anxious when it comes to anything to do with health conditions etc. For context I have had jock itch and fungal infections previously on my buttcrack. I have had 0 new sexual partners and I am not concerned about my girlfriend cheating at all. 4 days ago my balls began itching and red pretty much all over, as you can see some general flakeyness and what looks to be a lesion I noticed on Monday when I checked them out. My partner and I do get cold sores from time to time so the anxious part of me is concerned this could be herpes, but at the same time could be some sort of fungal infection. My doctor cant see me until tomorrow so I just have to worry until then. There is no pain and nothing on the penis or anywhere else, just general itchiness. Any ideas if this is herpes or not?  
    • Jeremy Spokein
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