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I am hsv2+ and need opinions about my relationship, feeling guilty and gross.


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So my boyfriend and I have been together for five months. I got tested back before we slept together and of course they didnt check for hsv. Everything else came back clean. I have been working as an exotic dancer (stripper) since like a month into our relationship and he was okay with it. About a month ago we started not using condoms and a week later we both had an "outbreak" at the same time. This was both new and shocking to us because I know for 100% fact that he was clean. Hes not the kind to sleep around and he hadn't been in a relationship for years before me and even then hes crazy about condoms and safe sex. I got mine swabbed and it came back positive. I took medicine and we never really knew if his was herpes or razor burn. 

I feel like I had to have gotten it from the club (I do not have sexual contact with customers but there were a couple incidents where a customer touched me without my consent and I cried to my boyfriend and told him immediately both times). My doctor said that I very well could have gotten it from that if the customer touched himself before touching me... I feel awful and so disgusting. I no longer dance because it made me realize how risky it is.. 

My boyfriend doesn't seem to care.. he was planning on buying me an engagement ring the week that we had the outbreak and he still did. He said it doesn't change anything and it's not a big deal, but I feel so guilty about it. I'm still having a little irritation after we have sex, and I dont have any symptoms anymore other than just being sensitive if we go too long. I will be crushed if he has these horrible problems, or even worse, gets it on his mouth.. he went down on me the week that we had the outbreak before we knew what it was. I am soooo freaking scared. He doesn't care to get it. He said if I have it, we have it and theres no point in trying to avoid him getting it because he probably already has it and we want a baby in the next year or so.. I just feel extremely guilty about the entire thing.  

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Hey @Angie040417 hope you’re going ok.

Note that it is not feasible that you obtained herpes from a touch from a customer.

The most rational explanation with the fewest assumptions is almost invariably the correct one. This explanation for you is that your partner has HSV-2 and based on his actions, quite probably knows this.

That said, there is much, much more to life that renders things such as a herpes infection largely irrelevant. Play your life and choose your actions with no reference to HSV

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  • 11 months later...

I would say it is very much difficult to get it from customer unless he has been touching himself down there with open sore and then rubbing his hand against your private part. Possible but low probability. I doubt someone with open sores would go to strip club, and would be gratifying himself then touches you. Either him or you could have had it before. I tend to agree with @WilsoInAus

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By far the most likely explanation is that one of you were already HSV positive when you started your relationship. People can carry the disease for years with very minor symptoms and thus be unaware.

Many 'Full' STD test panels do not test for HSV, leaving people with a false sense of security. You must specifically ask for a full screen AND a HSV test as well.

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  • 5 months later...
On 6/19/2020 at 4:10 AM, hopeing said:

By far the most likely explanation is that one of you were already HSV positive when you started your relationship. People can carry the disease for years with very minor symptoms and thus be unaware.

Many 'Full' STD test panels do not test for HSV, leaving people with a false sense of security. You must specifically ask for a full screen AND a HSV test as well.


If anything is usually the woman who is unaware if she has it or not since alot have mild symptoms. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Angie, it is totally possible that you have received the infection from a touch from a customer, in the way the doctor has explained it to you.

It happened to me in the same exact way: a non consensual touch to my intimate parts.

And: no, it's not necessary at all to have sores to infect someone! That's a silly belief! Sores can be of any size, even so small that you hardly see them. Or not painful.

If infection happened only with open sores, herpes would have gone extinct since long time. I can't imagine so many people enjoying kissing or having sex with an open sore! Come on, we are not animals!

Shedding can happen any time even when there are no sores. And any fluid can pick up those viral particles.

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    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus do you really thing that above my symptoms are Herpes related? Or it may because of Herpes zoster shingles? Bcz of this my Igm is positive?
    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus i requested my partner, but they are refusing from testing and saying they dint had any symptoms. Now the only way i left is to wait untill 12 weeks window period right? I am not getting what to do in this case. Any suggestion for any other tests?
    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
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