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Herpes Nightmare


Phoenixx

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I don't know if this corner is the right place for my writing because it is just a true story. But maybe it can be considered as art of writing so I will share it with you here:

I am camping in the forest with a nice woman that I know for some time and started a fling with. She doesn't know that I have genital herpes. At night we take a walk away from our tent and find a tree house high up in a strong tree with a ladder attached to it. We climb up and find it really cozy there, so we decide to bring our camping mats up and spend the night there. After making out a bit we slowly fall asleep.

I begin to dream. In my dream herpes comes to my mind and I inspect my penis. After pulling the foreskin backwards I see a blister and become desperate. Why does this have to happen right now that I am with her? What should I do now? I should take my Valtrex now to avoid the worst and stop the outbreak!

The worrying wakes me up. I tell her that I need to go back to the tent because I forgot something. She replies "a few more kisses would be nice". I say "I'll be right back". I walk back to the tent and inside the tent I check my penis to see if the blister is really there as I had seen it in my dream. It is really there in the exact same spot with the same size. I start searching for the medication. It's too dark, I can't find it so I keep on searching with my flashlight. Close to the tent I see a big puddle that has developed by rain or probably water that has gathered there in some other way. Some of our stuff got flooded by it and is lying in the dirty water now. Besides other stuff I suddenly see my Valtrex pills in there. Lots of pills are in there and the packages have all gotten soaked up with water. The blue coating of the pills has turned black already and they look kind of squishy. All my meds got ruined by the water! I am unsure if I should still take them anyway or if it might do more harm than good in this condition. Is it safe to consume the black squishy pills lying in the dirty water? Will they even have an effect or will the dirty water rather make me sick? Why do I have to get an outbreak exactly while I'm with her and then I can't even take my medication? The thoughts make me worried again.

I wake up. Again. I'm in my bed. There is no camping, no tree house and no woman that I have a fling with who doesn't know that I have herpes. My real girlfriend who knows that I have herpes is lying next to me sleeping peacefully. I begin to realize that it was a dream inside a dream. I go to the bathroom and check my penis. This time the blister is not there. I am relieved. Then I check again closely for a minute and find a spot that is slightly red and might be a prodromal symptom. Or I might as well be wrong and overcautious. I pop a Valtrex pill and go back to bed. I take a deep breath, hug my girlfriend from behind and try to fall asleep again.

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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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