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Learning to Live With HSV2


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I was diagnosed with HSV2 about two months ago now and am still trying to learn to cope with it. I flip between feeling sad about having it, and feeling angry at myself. I’m a 20 year old girl in college and it just feels so hard to lead a normal dating life after getting my diagnosis. I haven’t been on any dates since testing positive, but I am supposed to go on one soon & I notice myself feeling a lot of guilt about not having disclosed my diagnosis to them yet. I know that it’s none of their business until I choose to have sex with them, but I just can’t help but feel like they’ll feel like their time has been wasted when I tell them & that they won’t want to pursue any type of relationship with me. I was just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to go about dating when you’re newly diagnosed, and also how to cope with all the emotions I’m feeling in general?

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6 minutes ago, WilsoInAus said:

Hey @kungfukenny welcome to the website. How did you find out you were infected? Which tests came back positive for you?

I started noticing symptoms about 2 weeks after having sex with someone, so I went to get tested & they did a culture test. I came back a week later to get my results and they told me I was positive for HSV2

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2 minutes ago, kungfukenny said:

I started noticing symptoms about 2 weeks after having sex with someone, so I went to get tested & they did a culture test. I came back a week later to get my results and they told me I was positive for HSV2

If the sexual encounter involved oral sex, very worthwhile checking that the swab was properly typed. Many culture swabs are not typed but assumed to be HSV-2 given the genital location.

The type may play a role in your disclosure approach and definitely impacts the proportion of guys you are concordant with.

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@kungfukenny I am in the same boat as you. I found out about two months ago as well... I have some days where I'm good and the next I'm still trying to cope. I totally understand the apprehensiveness of dating, I haven't wanted to  date or even have sex since finding out. Even though most of the time, my OB's are extremely mild, I'm stil apprehensive about sex because I don't want to pass it to anyone. 

For me, I try to take it one day at a time. I know it sounds cliche, but sometimes it works. I also try to look at it as you know, we didn't go out looking for this. It unfortunately ,just happened, even though it is really common. The person who gave it to me had no idea, so it's not his fault but part of me wished I could go back that night and not have sex at all. 

Feel free to message me if you need a friend, we are in it together! :) 


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    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus do you really thing that above my symptoms are Herpes related? Or it may because of Herpes zoster shingles? Bcz of this my Igm is positive?
    • Nameshame
      @WilsoInAus i requested my partner, but they are refusing from testing and saying they dint had any symptoms. Now the only way i left is to wait untill 12 weeks window period right? I am not getting what to do in this case. Any suggestion for any other tests?
    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
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