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Hey everyone,

Got diagnosed 5 months ago and only recently have I actually been receiving the backlash. Before I just ignored it and pretend it wasn't happening. I haven't had sex with anyone since or even come close to - so didn't have to tell anyone. The only reality came when I had to go back to the Hospital.

I have found it really hard to deal with it head on, especially as I don't have the support from the person who gave it to me!

I think all men are going to run away from me - funnily enough he (person who gave it to me) is now in a happy, new relationship (he unfortunately gave it to her too but she seems to have accepted this rather gracefully and is still with him!?)

This leaves me as a twisted, lonely bitch!

So anyone feeling remotely the same? Get in touch!


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I feel evil hoping the guy I think gave it to me, gave it to the girl he is currently dating. We didn't even end on bad terms, but I keep thinking, if she knew he had it she would leave him, and he would come back to me. Talk about twisted thinking. I don't think I even like him that much any more, just I know he already has it and I wouldn't have to tell anyone else.

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I'm in a situation where one of two men gave me this. One is going on friday to get tested and I feel evil hoping it was him who gave it to me. when I told him he got angry with me which I totally understood at the time but then proceeded to act like a self righteous egotistical jerk. He stopped short of calling me a whore. I'm 39 years old and he's 40. He was preaching to me like I was one of his teenage kids. He actually said he would be the biggest shmuck if he had this and was walking around with it and then said he would find it so hard to believe because he takes care of his body and is healthy. I told him that was offensive. I work out several times a week and eat very healthy. I'm not a shmuck!!! He made me so angry I was actually hoping he would wake up some morning and his pee pee would fall off!! I know that's evil. The other guy is one of my best friends and is in total denial. We keep fighting cause he won't get his butt in gear and get tested. Oh did I mention he's still sleeping with his girlfriend. I told him he was making me angry cause he was going on with his life like nothing is going on and I"m the one sitting at home crying my eyes out everytime I had to pee.

Talk about twisted minds, I sometimes hope it's the schmuck and he'll realize I would be the easiest person for him to be in a relationship with since I have the virus, I'll know he has it so he doesn't have to tell me and theirs no future risk to either of us to exposure. I don't want to be alone. I just don't want to have to tell someone and be rejected.

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