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sadandupset

Diagnosed with HSV2 - Sad, Confused, Upset....help

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sadandupset

I was just diagnosed with HSV 2 last week. :(

A bit of history.....I believe I contracted the virus from a massuer who was in the nude and rubbed her pubic area against mine. No sex was involved. Two days after I had redness on my groin area and a cluster of tiny blisters broke out which lasted about 2 weeks. I've seen a doctor and I was diagnosed with folliculitis and given a course of antibiotics and some cream. There was no pain at all but it does itch a little bit. This was in Dec 2006.

Fast forward to today. After being diagnosed last week via a blood test that indicates I was positive on HSV2 IGg, I realised that was my primary outbreak. After that primary outbreak, I had 3 others and all of them are at the exact same spot with a secondary cluster just within an inch off the initial site. All of the 4 outbreaks so far are painless and goes away within 10 to 14 days.

I was given 400mg ACV pills to be taken daily for a month and then to see the doctor again which will probably give me a 6 months course.

I am not taking this well as I recently married (less than a year!) the most beautiful and lovely girl that I have ever come across. She is all that a man would need. I love her a hell lot and am worried that I will pass this virus to her. I do not want her to suffer what I am going through. The emotional and psychological pain I am going through is terrible.

I have not broken the news to my wife yet. I am afraid. Afraid that she will leave me and even if she doesn't, she will not treat me the same way ever again. This will be an issue that would probably wreak/put a huge dent into our relationship. In addition, being in an Asian society, I doubt this is easily accepted eventhough the statistics says 1 in 5 people in the US have it and 80% of them are probably unaware they are infected.

I dunno, at times I feel like life is not worth it anymore and while driving would just wish a 18 wheeller truck would run over me and kill me off immediately. Stupid I know but that's how down, sad and confused I am right now.

We are now trying for a baby and I am dead worried I am going to pass this virus to her. I dunno how to keep her virus free for the rest of our lives together. Since my diagnosis I've refrain from sexual activities with her. I am assuming she did not contract the virus from me since she has not have any symptoms at all.

I feel dirty, ugly and the thought of hSV2 never leaves my mind. It is affecting my usual jovial feelings and my work as well.

I think I am in depression. Help me.........

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20Tearz

I kno all bout tha depressed feeling... for me it comes and goes. Im jus completing my primary and every emotion u can feel in a matter of days between anger, devastation and disgust i went thru and am continually going through. There is no guaranteed way to keep ur wife virus free... and i would never want to put someone i loved thru the anguish that i hav experienced thus far and unfortunately this is only the beginning for me, but telling her will allow her to make her own decision. She married you... she vowed for better or for worse and seeing as how this is only ur first yr of marriage if this is the WORST that will happen to you two through out the rest of your lives then i wouldnt complain too much lol. Give her some credit and im not sure how exactly bcuz i havent been in a position to hav to tell it since i found out.. but talk to her and the two of you can decide together how to move forward. I believe in love and I really hope that you believe in the love you share with your wife :) Your life is not over and im saying that as much for you as for myself... The sun will continue to rise and the world continues to turn... This does not change who you are. Keep ya head up

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sadandupset

That's what I am afraid of.....there would be no 100% way for the rest of my live that I will not infect my wife. All I can do is just to take preventive measures if and when I do have outbreaks BUT as of now, I still cannot find the heart in me to tell her and break her fragile little heart.

I wish to start a family with her and I have to screw it all up by getting this stupid virus. :(

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20Tearz

Honestly i kno its difficult... i hav a relationship that is/was on the mend at the moment and now i hav to tell him about this... i love him and i would never want to put him in this situation so all i can do is b honest. I completely understand how difficult is it for u to tell her... but thaz really the best thing for you to do, u can shed the virus and b outbreak free.... imagine if she gets it somewhere down the line and you NEVER told her... how devastated would she be then. Give her the opportunity to be there for you thatz wat marriage is supposed to be about... your only a yr in, dont build ur foundation on lies and secrets, its not healthy and the stress from you worrying about could trigger another OB... U can do this, get all the info you can and tell her the truth, ((not sure y a masseur would b rubbing her infected groin on you)) but if it was not a sexual situation that your wife would view as infidelity then i dont think it will the aftermath will be as bad as you think... Take a Deep Breathe .... and do wat a good husband does :: be honest and protect your wife to the best of your ability.

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sadandupset

20Tearz, the massuer used it as a tool to offer me sexual service which I rejected. This is a case of transmittance via skin to skin contact. No sexual intercourse was in effect.

I have just told my other half and she is not taking it too well. I was totally a wreak and depressed before I told her. After I told her I felt better that I was honest and did not keep this secret from her but the guilt and depression will be with me for life. I am a so upset at myself for spoiling what could be the perfect union of man and woman.

I am afraid she will walk out of my life.................

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20Tearz

Im very glad that you got that out in the open, now you can work on your relationship without it hanging between you. Of course it is difficult for her to deal with rite now, remember how confused, violated and angry you felt when you found out?? that is wat she is feeling rite now, that same as well all did. You love her and you showed just how much by pushing your fears to the side, realizeing that she may walk away, to tell her the truth and to protect her. You are a very good man. Give her time and space to educate herself on this, she should be promptly tested if she has not already, and i will hope along with you that she doesnt hav it. You are husband and wife, for better or worse, this should b something that the two of you can work thru together, support each other. This isnt the result of wrong doing on your part, so there is no reason for you to feel guilty. :) Happy Holidays

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Kadi

You are Not alone

20Tearz,

Hi...I completely understand how you feel. I was just diagnosed right before Christmas. I felt so dirty and ashamed. Although I'm not married, I have been with the same man for 3 years. I believe him when he says he hasn't been with anyone else sinse he has been with me. Educating myself and talking to others here has helped me out tremendously. I wish I had advise to give you about your wife but I am new at this too. Just know that you are not alone with how you feel about it.

Wishing you the best,

Kadi

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Kadi

oops!

Sorry bout that. That last reply should have been to sadandupset. My bad.

Kadi

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nnmscwrd
Sorry bout that. That last reply should have been to sadandupset. My bad.

Kadi

It's cool. Thanks for sharing everyone.

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sadandupset

20Tearz, after telling my wife, she is showing on the outside that she is trying to cope with this news BUT I can see deep inside she is collapsing. I'm afraid, she'll break down hard and walk out........

She has been tested and came back negative. I'm really glad she is negative for both HSV I and HSV II but now I'm living in constant fear of passing the virus to her. I wouldn't know how to deal with the guilt.

Kadi, thank you for the support. I hope you and your man can work your life around this. Do get him tested too.

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Strugglingwiththis7576

First off, I say try to not worry so much (I know I'm no one to talk). I truly believe that things happen the way they are supposed to whether or not you can see the reasoning now. I talked to my doctor and she said she's treated numerous patients and one of her patients has been married for 30 years and has NEVER passed the virus to her partner. It is possible to keep her virus clean as long as you follow certain precautions. This is such a hard thing to go through, and it probably will take her time to get used to everything but give it a chance. Don't doom it, stay positive. Staying positive is certainly your best defense and if you can show her your optimism she will probably adopt it as well. The depressed freaking out tells her this is how she should act as well. Show her information so she has facts and knows exactly what you are going through. I hope this helps in some way or another. Best of luck to you!

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20Tearz

Its great to hear that she is negative, and remember to just give her space and support and allow her to go thru the emotions. We went thru every emotion imaginable from fear to depression to acceptance (hopefully)

Although your wife does not have to deal wit it first hand, she is dealing with it because as husband and wife you are one. She suffers when u suffer. Its going to take some time for her, but I agree with 'struggling' that having a positive attitude will help her hav a better outlook also. help her educate herself and allow her to see that even tho this is an eXtReMeLy uncomfortable situation it is livable and managable. I will continue to keep u both in my prayers...

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neverthought

Just Diagnosed

I just found out on Jan. 2 that I have HSV II. I am a 36 year old female, unmarried with a teenage son. I am completely devastated and depressed over this. I got coldsores on my lips off and on for years but never anything in the genital area. The outbreak was not that bad - I did have flu like symptoms with it. I actually thought I just cut myself shaving. The doctor put me on 500mg of Valtrex 2x a day and told me that I need to stay on it for at least a year and possibly forever! I have been searching for other things to get this out of my system. and crying all the time. I don't want to have to tell a man that I have this. Is it possible that I will not get another outbreak and do I really have to stay on the Valtrex for a year? What happens if I stop taking the Valtrex? I have bought Lysine and have been taking 500mg of that along with the VAltrex. I am also researching alkaline supplements and going to a homeopathic dr. for help with that. Has anyone tried that? Anyone's words of advice or help is appreicated. I am so sad and keep crying. I keep telling myself that I WILL NOT get another outbreak. Is it possible that I had it the whole time because i got ob on my lips but never on my vagina? thanks - this is a great forum

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Strugglingwiththis7576
I just found out on Jan. 2 that I have HSV II. I am a 36 year old female, unmarried with a teenage son. I am completely devastated and depressed over this. I got coldsores on my lips off and on for years but never anything in the genital area. The outbreak was not that bad - I did have flu like symptoms with it. I actually thought I just cut myself shaving. The doctor put me on 500mg of Valtrex 2x a day and told me that I need to stay on it for at least a year and possibly forever! I have been searching for other things to get this out of my system. and crying all the time. I don't want to have to tell a man that I have this. Is it possible that I will not get another outbreak and do I really have to stay on the Valtrex for a year? What happens if I stop taking the Valtrex? I have bought Lysine and have been taking 500mg of that along with the VAltrex. I am also researching alkaline supplements and going to a homeopathic dr. for help with that. Has anyone tried that? Anyone's words of advice or help is appreicated. I am so sad and keep crying. I keep telling myself that I WILL NOT get another outbreak. Is it possible that I had it the whole time because i got ob on my lips but never on my vagina? thanks - this is a great forum

Okay first off as far as Valtrex, you do have the option to take it only when needed. Your doctor has apparently put you on suppressive therapy. You should research the differences and decide what's right for you. After talking with my doctor we decided that for the time being it was best for me to only take Valtrex during and when I feel an ob coming on...Check it out. As far as Lysine from the research I've done 500 mg is not enough they recommend 1250 I believe but since I was only able to find the 500mg's I take three a day, and from what I've read if you feel like you're getting or have an ob take a higher dosage until the ob subsides. I have a list of other vitamins that are supposed to boost the immune system and help fight this and their dosages if you are interested. As far as how long you've had this it is quite possible you've had it genitally for a while it just remained dormant. Having cold sores alone doesn't mean you have in genitally however you could have transmitted it by touching your mouth and then your nether region. It's not terribly likely though. I understand how hard this is. I go through days where I do okay and others where like you I can't seem to quit crying. I'm sure for both of us this will get easier and to use the response I keep reading...if you meet a guy who can't deal with it he wasn't as good as you thought anyways. I would encourage you to maybe check out the dating sites on here. It eliminates "the talk" since you meet people suffering from the same illness as you. It's not for me right now but I've heard a lot of success stories and it can make things far easier. Try to remember that you aren't herpes you simply have herpes. You are the same beautiful person you were before this all hit. Nothing changed...Another strategy I've read to help remind yourself of this is get a notebook and write down everything you think of when you think of the word herpes and you having it. You'll most likely find a lot of negative stereotypes and stuff in what you've written then go back and for every negative comment replace it with something positive about you. It makes you realize that you are more than the disease...I really hope this helps and if you need anyone to talk to I have aim, email or you can private message me. Anything I can do just let me know. I wish you the best and you are in my prayers.

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