Disclosing herpes status after sex

[lonelygirl944]

this guy that i am dating , i didnt tell him that i have herpes until after we had sex multiple times. i was scared of getting rejected. scared to tell him and face the fact he wouldnt wanna be with me if he knew i had it. i convinced myself that as long as im not having an outbreak that i cant pass it on to him when that isnt true. i put him at risk of getting it. and i dont know if he will ever be able to forgive me for not telling him sooner , before we had sex. it had only been about a month when i decided i had to tell him. i didnt wanna get deeper involved with him without disclosing that i had it. he deserved to know. i just wish i told him sooner.

[Fred Ins]

I think you have to tell him ASAP. ASAP!! or just break with him; if he wasn't infected yet, 
When I learnt that I have a HSV2, I was veeeery angry on my ex-gf. 

 

[lonelygirl944]

I already told him that i have it. it was hard but i had to do it. he was upset, but trying to be understanding. he didn't really wanna talk to me. he told me he needs some space for the time being. I hope that he can forgive me. I just need to know how he is feeling and what he is thinking. 

[Fred Ins]

Actually I have the similar problem. i hope she was not infected; If she was not I am going to quiet our relationship, and never will have another one. But if she is infected, it is better to stay together, 

Your BF needs to wait for a month and then go through HSV2 blood test. For G antibodies, I hope he is clean. 

[Newone2]

You won’t get any sympathy from me. People that don’t disclose, or downplay the condition to deceive people into being with them are the worst kind of people. This is exactly how I got it. You should be ashamed.

[lonelygirl944]

Im not looking for any sympathy at all, i do feel horrible.  i havent come to terms with the fact that i have it. its only been 5 months since i was diagnosed. im just glad that i told him and didnt keep it from him any longer. at least i was honest. and now he can get tested. i made a mistake, we are all human. ill never make that mistake again.  ill be upfront from now on. 

[Dutchy]

17 hours ago, lonelygirl944 said:

Im not looking for any sympathy at all, i do feel horrible.  i havent come to terms with the fact that i have it. its only been 5 months since i was diagnosed. im just glad that i told him and didnt keep it from him any longer. at least i was honest. and now he can get tested. i made a mistake, we are all human. ill never make that mistake again.  ill be upfront from now on. 

Ik think youre great for sharing your story. You did the right thing. Its hard to disclose..telling this story can also help others...

[MikeHerp]

18 hours ago, Newone2 said:

You won’t get any sympathy from me. People that don’t disclose, or downplay the condition to deceive people into being with them are the worst kind of people. This is exactly how I got it. You should be ashamed.

"disclose, or downplay the condition to deceive people into being with them"

I don't think the latter get enough attention--these are the people who disclose their status but try to persuade people that HSV is completely harmless and won't cause any problem at all.  

A good chunk of the HSV reddit subgroup is dedicated to this.  

[Newone2]

1 hour ago, MikeHerp said:

"disclose, or downplay the condition to deceive people into being with them"

I don't think the latter get enough attention--these are the people who disclose their status but try to persuade people that HSV is completely harmless and won't cause any problem at all.  

A good chunk of the HSV reddit subgroup is dedicated to this.  

I got into a argument with the mod of that sub on reddit. Don’t get me wrong, some of the people in there are fairly knowledgeable about hsv but a good chunk of them seem to want to convince everyone that comes to that sub with a question/concern about how safe it is to be with a positive partner that hsv is impossible to transmit and even if it happens you won’t be effected in the slightest bit. I’m pretty sure we all know that is a load of bullshit. They are all a bunch of “herpes sales people” if you ask me.

[MikeHerp]

15 minutes ago, Newone2 said:

I got into a argument with the mod of that sub on reddit. Don’t get me wrong, some of the people in there are fairly knowledgeable about hsv but a good chunk of them seem to want to convince everyone that comes to that sub with a question/concern about how safe it is to be with a positive partner that hsv is impossible to transmit and even if it happens you won’t be effected in the slightest bit. I’m pretty sure we all know that is a load of bullshit. They are all a bunch of “herpes sales people” if you ask me.

I totally agree. At the very least, it’s factually wrong. At the worst, it’s spreading dangerous misinformation.

The facts are out there if anyone wants to know. Every study I’ve seen that’s looked at the HSV/HIV link has found about half HIV infections being attributable to having HSV. So persuading people that catching HSV is totally fine, could end up being a factor that drives the HIV epidemic.

The numbers on prenatal are only estimates, but WHO thinks it’s around 14,000 per year.

Sure up to around 80% don’t notice symptoms. But that still leaves millions that do. Many millions. And if you are a person who gets frequent or painful OBs, Well it’s going to affect life quality—that’s still many many people even if it’s just a fraction of all HSV carriers.  

The foregoing are just facts. This isn’t about panicking anyone or pretending it’s the end of the world. It’s simply being aware that HSV comes with a pretty significant disease burden. I don’t know why but for some reason, at some point, fighting stigma became confused with spreading misinformation.

On top of that there are increasingly more studies that link HSV to various other problems, even if some of them are  noting just correlations. Alzheimer’s is just one. I’ve read a study that HSV May be shortening telomeres (driving the aging process). There are many studies that are currently only at the preliminary stage. But it only takes a small fraction of them to be proven correct to make HSV an even more undesirable thingX

These people who are trying to persuade HSV is harmless are like those mothers in the 1970s made their kids go to chicken pox parties in the belief hat chicken pox is harmless and that, once you’re infected, you’re immune from further illness. They intentionally hurt their children's’ health.

And that’s my concern with what’s going on in the herpes subreddit. 

Move been wondering about possibly starting an HSV cure subreddit—focusing on people who actually want to be cured and are interested in cure research. There’s a post that’s climbing the Top/Hot lists on the main subreddit that basically throws people who have been affected by HSV under the bus, referring to them as the “very few people” (millions of HIV cases, over 10,000 neonatal, millions with recurring symptoms), and goes on today that complications are true for “any minor skin condition” (HIV is an elevated risk when you have acne?). On that site there are also posts that encourage people to shame those who don’t want to have sex with HSV positives, like as if HSV is this awesome thing that needs to be shared. Other posts talk about how herpes “optimized” them (you don’t have it? You don’t know what a great thing you’re missing out on!)

Anyway, the facts are out there fortunately. But it’s just too bad that there are people who are doing this. Spreading misinformation and probably putting other people’s health at risk, not to mention perpetuating stereotypes that are an obstacle to finding a cure.

 

 

[Quest]

You did the right thing, and l just care that you did it!   It's so hard and it is scary doing it! So many people wallow in denial, hurt and loneliness, including myself.  I literally had to pull myself out! We're not going to want to be rejected. Yet, you found a way to tell even though you could be rejected. Kudos baby kudos!!! 

How many of us were actually given this same choice? You are bold and beautiful and I love people like you! 

I'm going to get better and better until I effing own it!

I'm still with the same sexual partner 8 yrs later and he is clear of HSV 2 and I am clean of HSV 1

Hell yeah! Carpe diem baby!!!!LonelyGirl!!!