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Dumb sex drive/dumb healthy industy


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I was dumb and weak, I admit it. I (male) dated a woman who had had it for 6-7 months (50% higher risk I believe than after a year I now learn). She waited till things got hot and heavy in the bedroom to tell me on the second date. I'd had a few drinks. She told me she took daily valtrex and that "the risk was really low". She gave me the kind of speech that sex positive people give that it was no big deal, just a skin rash. Lol. Fuck that.  Easy for someone with no supposed symptoms to say. Women have far more power to get laid (and even with HSV2) than men do.  My mind said NOOOO but my dick said yes. I tried to be evasive and indirectly say no so she would get the message and I eventually gave in after literally laying there about 5 minutes. I guess I have a problem in being direct with people without literally shouting at them.  In retrospect that is toeing the line in the letter of the law, not acting in anothers interest at all in waiting till the bedroom to disclose. Better than not disclosing... but it seems more like a way to avoid being sued than not getting laid. They could have lied about all the relevant details as well. I mean I'm no doctor, I would have to break out the pap kit and bright lights and google pics to really check for outbreaks.

If someone just lay there facing away from me and showed hesitation I would like to think I would back off and give them time to think. I think I was overwhelmed and kind of in a deer in headlights shock before making a stupid impulse decision. People, particularly men get cognitively impaired by attractive women....especially just before sex IME.  And after you have sex you bond more with the person no matter the gender... I used condoms for the 3 times we had sex over 2 weeks before showing symptoms. I even washed well with soap and water my hands and then in the whole crotch region afterwards. This may have been a mistake in regards to using soap on my dick instead of just water or a really gentle facewash idk as it may harm the membranes more. 

If someone had asked me straight up before getting involved a solid no would be a foregone conclusion.

Somehow the saleswoman tactics (and sex and alcohol and fatigue) overrode the very real worry by my logical brain. The stats given by Doctors who are just repeating PC bullshit and don't personally have any knowledge/up to date on the issue piss me off. I knew more than most docs in a week. The stats are somewhat biased by the group they talk about: people already dating 3 months so they may be more resistant already and had the virus longer so less shedding, no sex during outbreaks (they prob had good mutual training to spot right???!), survivorship bias etc. There are different studies as well and they are made by the drug companies so they could be BS as well. You would think encouraging using lubricant would be a easy recommendation too since they reduce friction...And you can easily use carageenan lubes...and there are studies about carageenan and zinc acetate gels showing reduction of 75-85%! Why isnt' there one on the market? I'm in the process of making one; just taking divine 9 and adding zinc acetate in a small amount of purified water.  So if I was a doc I would tell the person the risk is greatest of transmission 50% less at 3 months, 50% less at 12 months etc so you may want to wait a year for a new partner... Always disclose before things get hot and heavy (alcohol too!). Here's a pamphlet with real pictures. Educate you partner as they are less likely to get it that way (and then be pissed at you and leave or seek revenge).


Edited by AnonM
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    • EssenceL25
      I’m going to force him to get tested ! Thanks for your help ! 
    • WilsoInAus
      @EssenceL25 there really isn't a question mark around the source, it's your latest partner. The median time from infection to an outbreak of lesions upon initial infection is 4 days.  The only thing that isn't certain is the type I suggest.
    • EssenceL25
      I asked if it was hsv 1 or 2 and the doctor said it was Hsv2. I’m not sure i just asked him when he was tested last he said this year I said I think we should go test together and he agreed . I’m going to bring it up again cause I really need to know if he gave this to me I wasn’t sure since it was so close to my previous relationship.
    • WilsoInAus
      @EssenceL25 then it is all beyond reasonable doubt that the current partner is the source. A 'perfect' fit in terms of timing, symptoms and swab. It may be though that the type is not technically known. Culture swabs are very often not typed and just assumed to be HSV-2 if taken from a genital location. If you received oral sex in the days leading into 7 March then it is 50/50 as to whether this is HSV-1 or HSV-2. You could contact your doctor and confirm if the swab was actually typed (which is a second test where fluorescent antibodies for HSV-1 and HSV-2 are added and see which one 'glows').  If that test wasn't done then you do not know type. If you have oral HSV-1 yourself (cold sores) then this will be HSV-2. Does your partner have oral HSV-1? It is somewhat strange for him not to rush and test - many people have a 'reaction' if they truly do not know their status and have concerns that you infected them etc. (not initially rational of course). This indicates he may know his status - or maybe he just isn't simply the sharpest tool in the shed!?
    • EssenceL25
      I had flu like symptoms and ulcers on my vagina . They did a culture and I tested positive for hsv2. I asked my partner to get tested he agreed but I’m not sure if he will cause he hasn’t said anything else about it. 
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