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So Does This Mean She Cheated?


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I developed a sore a few hours after the second round of a weekend of sex with my girlfriend. I've heard that the virus can be dormant in the body for a long time, but I'm wondering how long, and how common this is. I don't want to falsely accuse her, as I care about her very much, but...…. what is the likelihood that she cheated? 

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Hey @nakedandafraid glad you’re  here and hope we can help you.

I think I saw a pic on another post? If I’ve remembered correctly it looked ambiguous and a lot would depend and what happensed next for the lesion looking thing you had.

Did you get a swab test of blood test?

Note that there can be no real lesion from an infection until 48 hours or so after the actual infection. Hence a herpes infection during a weekly special won’t appear until you’re back at work Monday.

When was the last time you had sex before that weekend?

Either say your need to be sure of what’s going on. You can share with your partner your testing progress and politely ask them to test given the assistance in diagnosis that it might provide.

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thanks for responding... I think I chimed in on someone else's post that you had given some input. I haven't submitted any pictures, as I don't think the sore would be visible in a posted pic. 

We had some rough sex on Sunday night and Monday morning. Monday afternoon is when I noticed the discomfort. Not sure that the bump was there at that time. I dismissed the discomfort as a result of the sex. I think it wasn't until Wed or Thurs that I noticed the bump - it's very small and not unlike some bumps I've had for years. When I showed it to the doctor, he asked me if I was sure it was new, and I wasn't. If not for the pain in the area, not sure I would've even noticed it. 

Saw two doctors - first just did a visual inspection and passed it off as friction from sex or contact dermatitis. The second doctor felt it was nothing, but I appreciated his aggressive approach, which was to test me for every std under the sun, but no swab. Strictly blood tests. He said it did not appear to him to resemble a "typical" herpes sore, but in the short time I've been reading, it seems that they can vary in appearance. 

I've also developed the flu-like symptoms. Not sure if they typically come BEFORE or AFTER the appearance of sores. Today is day 14 of the discomfort on my penis. The bump hasn't broken open/leaked fluid/scabbed over.

The fact that I have a few people at work who have illness/flu-like symptoms muddies the water even more. 

I get my blood test results tomorrow, and already have so many questions. These doctors don't know shit. Are there doctors who specialize in std's? Would an infectious disease doctor be a wise choice? When I asked the first doctor if he could do a swab, he looked at me like I was insane. 

and thank you - I don't mean to bombard you with questions, but I feel I've learned more by just reading some of your posts than I have in conversations with both doctors. 

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80% of people don't know they have herpes and even if one gets a full STD panel HSV 1 or 2 is not on it because so many people have it. If the strain is very weak and it gets weaker as it's passed down. We won't know we haven't at all.

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thanks for the input, Quest. But then..... its possible that we've been having sex for 5 years, and I've only become symptomatic now? 

just trying to learn as much as I can

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Yes, I don't know when I acquired it, but my sibling died and I had my first outbreak. I have known about it for 8 years, and I was in a sexless marriage for well over two decades! Maybe he was getting it outside the marriage, but I wasn't!

ETA: how long do you sleep? Are you stressed? illness? Angered? Not exercising enough or too much? Eating habits? drinking?


Edited by Quest
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@nakedandafraid my suggestion is that you’re jumping to a few conclusions. Even if it is herpes, it could for example be from an oral HSV-1 infection.

Did you actually get a swab? Blood tests will only baseline you at this early stage. It takes about 3 weeks to test positive at the earliest on an IgG test.

Sorry for my confusion on your posts.

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@ Quest I'm actually a very health-conscious person. I don't drink, smoke, or do illegal drugs of any kind, exercise frequently, and am very conscious about diet. Some accuse me of being a bit of a health nut. 

Stress levels - even before this incident - extremely high. Now? through the roof. 

@ WilsolInAus No swab. Asked the first doctor - he said "there is nothing to swab because the bump on your penis is not "open". 

So - just want to make sure I read you right - since it's only been 15 days since I've experienced the discomfort, a good change my blood test (is that the IgG test you're referring to?) will come up negative regardless? 

I will see him this afternoon. I read somewhere (may have been one of your posts) to get a pcr swab, is that the best way to diagnose? 

thanks again

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Hey @nakedandafraid

A PCR swab is the best form of test, especially if positive. In that case it confirms location and type.

At 15 days, you will not test positive based on the possible infection. Any positive will refer to a prior infection. For example you might see a number 8+ for HSV-1 that will suggest a prior infection of oral herpes, possibly from childhood.

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