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ArizonaLove

Good or Bad Stories?

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ArizonaLove

I've reading through the site, hearing what people have gone through when they told someone they had hsv. When I first started this site I read a few good stories.. but now all I seem to find are not such good stories... :shock:

I have someone who I need to tell... its not immediate, we have slept together or done anything more than cuddle and kiss. but I can tell he wants more, and I like him, and I'm pretty sure he likes me just as much so I've been trying to get ready to tell him. But now hearing everyones bad stories is kinda scary..:confused:

I guess I want to hear how you told someone, and how they reacted, good or bad. What kind of things should I expect?? and how should I go about telling him?? When and where is appropiate? Have you had more good responces or bad over the people you've told? I've only told one person before that was in a relationship status- ish.. My best friend who weve always been "close" between other relationships. He took to it well... related by saying how he had a scare once, and how he had previously dated someone else who had it. But thats a best friend... not a boyfriend... so I really would like to hear your stories... good and bad. Thanks in advance.

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GuywithHSV

Tell But at the Right Tme:

I was not given the option to assess the risk and make my own decision...but that's another story and I feel as though I'll be eternally bitter towards the former "woman of my dreams."

The most fulfilling and life changing relationships I've had have been those where me and my partner waited for several months before having sex. Believe me, it wasn't because I didn't want to, or try. A women with integrity and self-discipline is very sexy ;) and if you're with a guy who is not attracted to that, then for my dollar, he's not worth the talk.

Personally, and this is my opinion from hanging out with a score of friends who are serious "players," a man of quality who is ready for a life-long commitment values a woman with a life guided by principals, values and honesty. That guy will look at this as merely a small part of your life.

I've read several stories here where the dude reacts negatively. Again, in my opinion, they are all losers. If you find one of those, Toss'em back in the water and fish for a better catch.

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catiesmom

Thanks guy -- i'm approaching what might be my first "talk" and that really put things in perspective for me.

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Claudia

I was told mid-sexual-relationship that my partner had tested positive for HSV2 from tests he took before we became sexually active but had assumed were fine (he assumed no news was good news regarding not getting a call from his doc post-test, but then went in months later and SURPRISE!).

I was a little freaked, and my anxiety skyrocketed for a while, but there was no way I was giving up my boyfriend, so I sought to educate myself and we did continue to have sex with only minor adjustments to our routine.

I now know I have oral herpes and suspect I have it genitally. I disclosed all of this to my new beau who is very accepting and understanding. We are sexually active.

My best advice is to come armed with facts but be as prepared as possible to accept whatever they decide, whether it is continued closeness or separation.

Good luck!

Claudia

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Shayna

Guywithhsv,

I loved your post!!!

Thank you....sage advice. We need more posts like that one.

PS...I wasn't given the choice either...for me the bitterness comes and goes....thankfully I don't give him too much free rent in my head anymore.

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Deadhead

Some great posts here. I have to agree with guy...A woman who has self discipline is extremely sexy. My gf knows my hsv status and is learning more about it before we become intimate. I love that about her.

I haven't had any "bad" experiences with the talk. I know for myself that the right time is not in bed right before something is going to happen... Bad idea. I feel if you do it that way, you give an indication that you might not have said anything at all. Trust is HUGE when dealing with this subject. When you want to tell someone, sit them down and tell them. If you haven't put them at risk then it is just preparing them for a decision. If you put someone at risk before you tell them your credibility goes right out the door, and why should they trust anything you say. And like Claudia said...Come armed with as much knowledge as you can.

Good luck!

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ArizonaLove

Deadhead, I must say your post is really helpful. So is everyone elses. I really hope that when I do tell him he will take it well. And If it doesn't go well... He's not my only option at the moment... just my favorite... right?

Even tho I've had it for two years, I've never known much about it. It was mentioned back in high school in sex ed for a min, and that was all I heard about it until my doctor told me I had it. Then she gave me a two page print off... soo much info in two pages.... *rolls eyes*. I started going to planned parenthood when I was low on cash, and they gave me more info, alot more than the doctor, but still only a few brochures (brochures make me think of taking a vacation... given the subject, its kinda funny) and alot of the info between the brochures were the same. I just assumed that was it. Nobody knew anything about it. Until I got brave and stumbled upon this site, which I'm now hooked to soaking up all the info I can. So info is much I have to be armed with...

I read somewhere that it was a good idea to tell them in a place that they can leave afterwards to think about it... is that a yes or a no?? I'm glad you said to not tell before something is about to happen... that was kinda my plan, since I cant obviously do it over text... lol. How do you even begin to bring up the topic??? So far hes been really good about not taking things too far. I think he sences whats okay and whats not... which is really really nice.

And speaking of the info part... I do have a question, might be stupid, but I've wondered it for quite some time. Kinda weird for me to say- normally avoid direct conversations about sex, but if a guy fingers me, and then touches himself, can he catch it that way??? Only way to know is to ask, right?

Thanks again everybody!!! I really appriciate all the advice.

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