Disclosure of genital HSV 1 as oral

[Holly276]

I am curious about the ethics of disclosing HSV 1. Would I be a bad person if I disclosed that I had HSV 1 orally even though I’m pretty sure it’s genital? I think I had one very minor out break (felt like a yeast infection/uti with no visible sores and went away in 4 days with anti fungal medication) unfortunately I also had sex (oral and vaginal) with a long time friends-with-benefits the day before it started who got two small sores genitally a few days later. I have had no recurrence since, but got a blood test done 6 months later (last month) and it was positive for HSV 1. I am heartbroken and scared. I would NEVER willingly expose someone with out informing them that I am HSV 1 positive. However.. I am wondering if I could avoid the terrible stigma attached to genital infection. If I tell people that I have a history of HSV 1 orally and they are ok with receiving oral sex from me what is the difference? I am still informing them of the risk and they are knowing accepting that. In fact, from what I’ve read oral to genital transmission is more likely for HSV 1 than genital to genital. So in fact I’d be disclosing an even greater risk than what there really is. Also, it is possible that I do have an oral infection that is asymptomatic and passed that way, but happened to have a yeast infection around the same time (I get one every couple of years anyway). I just don’t think I could bear living/dating with the stigma. I also keep thinking how unfair it is that oral to genital risk is higher, but most men don’t think twice about receiving oral sex from someone with a history of cold sores. Am I wrong here? Please be honest but not hurtful. 

[sadangel22]

I have had gHSV1 for about 3 months now and have thought about this as well. It does make a lot of sense and would be so much easier to disclose that way, but in my personal opinion I feel like its still a form of lying and withholding the complete truth from your partner. I think the odds of them getting it are unlikely with protection, but still on the off chance of them getting it I would feel terrible if I didn't provide them with the whole truth. I feel like its a lot better to just explain everything up front to avoid situations like that. But I do totally see where you are coming from with the risk of spreading oral being higher. The stigma does suck and it makes me so angry that like half the population has oral and doesn't think twice about it but genital freaks everyone out, even though its the exact same virus. I want to not have to deal with it SO BAD but I think my fear of putting someone else through what I have been through is greater than that want so personally I'm just going to have to accept it and be honest. This is just my personal opinion, and it can be looked at in a different way so I by no means am trying to shame you or say you are wrong because I do totally see where you are coming from.