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Mackenzie

By Mackenzie,
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Mackenzie Newbie

Mackenzie

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Posted

Hello! 

So I am 99% sure I have HSV2. My ex boyfriend and I first started dating in highschool and were together for 2.5 years, the only reason we broke up was because of long distance and never really stopped communication feelings are still there for the both of us. During those times, I had tried new relationships and had been with people I trusted.

Now that I am back home we had been on a few dates and everything is just like how it used to be. We haven't had sex since i've been home (thank god) and recently started having symptoms of herpes, got tested and bam positive for HSV2. I am extremely positive I got it from one the guys I had been with at college, one of them had said he just got tested and was clear and the other got tested but is being an ass saying he doesnt have symptoms and if he does have it, its because of me (real mature...)

The real dilemma is, how in the world am I suppose to tell him and anyone reading this how have you told your SO or new partner about this disease... My heart is breaking, but I am being positive and am a huge believer in everything happens for a reason so whatever outcome happens i am ready to make the best of it. 

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davidis Honeycomb Member

davidis

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Posted

Hey Mackenzie - welcome to the site! And sorry for the delayed response.

It sounds like you already have a really healthy approach to all of this, which I can say from my own similar experience helped me get back to normal and even got me learning a ton about myself in the process. 

I think one thing that might help with explaining this to him is firstly to not put the onus on yourself alone, it's a really common thing to have happen and at first it can definitely feel like something you got for making bad decisions - but really it's just some bad luck and you shouldn't blame yourself for getting it.

If you're going to disclose this to him, my approach has always been to not treat it like a world-ending, sex-destroying virus from hell and just treat it as it actually is - a really harmless skin condition that may or may not show up again.

It sounds like the two of you already have a strong connection, and this is just my biased opinion, but usually that leads to a lot more understanding and sympathy than you would find trying to explain this to someone you've just met. So just read up on how to avoid transmission (at least for the first six months) and then after that the rate goes way, way down and becomes a lot less scary.

This has turned into a novel 😐so if you have any other questions feel free to shoot me a message - I've had a lot of experience dating with herpes (seven-ish years) and I'm happy to offer any advice.

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    • CHT
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By CHT · Posted

      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      SUCCESS STORY: Herpes is an opportunity to built trust and connection through vulnerability.

      By Jeremy Spokein · Posted

      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Unsure if Herpes, awaiting swabs, need help

      By WilsoInAus · Posted

      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Could this be hsv-2?

      By Lcj987 · Posted

      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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