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Sad and scared


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I haven’t been diagnosed yet (getting tested on 8/30) and I’m about 6 days post-contact but I think I’m having my first OB. It’s incredibly itchy and painful. I know this comes from the stigma but I feel disgusting and untouchable and like I’ll never have a normal relationship ever again. I’m so sad. I also struggle very heavily with depression and I’m worried that this is going to send me into a spiral. I know I haven’t been tested yet but it really looks/feels what they say herpes is supposed to look/feel like. Please, I need some advice on dealing with the pain, both physical and emotional

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First, you are not alone! I fully understand that feeling. When I was first diagnosed in 2016 I was devastated. I have always battled with depression and anxiety and getting this diagnosis gave me more of a reason to loathe myself. I went through all the stages of grief, and finally, I realized that the only way I could make myself feel better was to learn all I could about the virus. The doctors had been less than helpful in guiding me. They basically told me I had it, and then prescribed Acyclovir to take whenever I had an outbreak. This was fine, for awhile, but 2 years later, I started getting back to back outbreaks, and had to begin taking daily supressive medication. I was also battling breakthrough outbreaks and terrible nerve pain. I was still given no real guidance. It was online that I found out just how NOT alone I was. Armed with information, I made changes in diet and lifestyle, I am now able to manage this thing, and not let it consume my life. If there is any way that you can get to a doctor before the 30th, I would HIGHLY recommend it, as the sooner you start the antivirals(assuming you actually have herpes, remember you may NOT) the sooner you can stop the progression of the OB and get on the mend. I just found this community and I plan to use it to stay updated and connected with others about this virus. I think it's brave that you have come here and reached out for help. I wish you all the best! I hope that you DONT have herpes, and that this will just be a cautionary tale for you. Also, remember, YOU ARE NOT UNLOVEABLE OR UNWORTHY! Relationships DO happen. I have plenty of positive friends that have been in long, loving relationships. Breathe. It will all be ok, no matter what. 

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It really really sucks but it will get better. I echo the sentiments on the antivirals. If its confirmed as HSV the faster you get access to the medication the better they can work


Some thoughts that I am copying over from another thread

  • Get educated- read up about this virus alot. Know this thing inside and out including stats etc.
  • Get to know your body
    • Throw out any habits that are unhealthy: cutdown on sugar and white wheats, eat more vegis/fruit, sleep more, workout
  • Get to know and start following whats coming down the pipeline into potential treatments. Take heart from this if possible
    • Read research papers
  • Open up to someone you trust - a close friend, a family member, a therapist, someone else with HSV. I think talking about it with someone - anyone - is important
  • Give yourself the space to recognize you are going to have good days and bad and realize (1) its ok, (2) tomorrow is a new day
  • Remember that you are still a pretty great person regardless
  • Patience- some days you will have to grit your teeth / chin up
  • Last -> remember that in the US alone something like 30M+ have HSV2- millions are in relationships. For good or bad there is a selection bias for what you read here- for every one person on this board there are hundreds if not thousands who are not.
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    • CHT
      Hi "Jeremy"..... I agree, the topic of your HSV status does not need to be something you disclose too soon in a developing relationship..... get to know each other first....see how it's going and as it progresses, then the HSV issue will naturally need to be revealed.... it's my personal opinion though that before there is any sexual encounter you ought to disclose your HSV status.... I know some will disagree with me on this but, I think it is morally wrong not to disclose first.  This can be a make/break situation for most people but, again, I feel it is simply wrong not to give the other person the whole story since your decision not to disclose could put their health at risk.... that is simply not an option in my opinion.  Looking back to my "pre-HSV" life I most certainly would want my partner to disclose their HSV+ status before intimacy so that I could make my decision as to whether I want to take that risk or not.... 
    • Jeremy Spokein
      Thanks, CHT. I appreciate the feedback. The whole trauma of going through this has led me to figure out a lot about myself and my attachment wounds, so I'm taking courses to come out of this better. This girl really was my dream woman in so many ways, it's been the hardest heartbreak to deal with ever. I'm truly in a lot of pain, but using the pain as fuel to launch that new business and work with coaches. I also opened up to my family about HSV, so my parents and sister know now, and they were very loving and accepting of it. Since opening up about it, I feel way better around this thing. After opening up, I also found out that some mutual friends in our family have discordant couples who are married with children, so HSV hasn't stopped them from living a loving life. The thing is... all of these couples I mention did not disclose until 6-8 months into the relationship. So now I'm thinking it might be better not to disclose until I know things are very serious. I'll of course stay on the medication and use protection, but maybe this is a better route than disclosing upfront and scaring women off.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @Lcj987 and welcome to the website. You can be sure that isn't HSV-2, looks nothing like it. It is much more likely to be folliculitis or inflamed fordyce spots.
    • WilsoInAus
      Hey @JackThrowAway herpes causes an outbreak where it enters the body first and maybe a progressive spread. If it doesn't cause an outbreak at the entry site then it won't cause one elsewhere, it also won't 'jump' upon infection - it would be more likely that the lesions are continuous from the penis to the anus. Nevertheless, testing trumps symptoms or any interpretation of symptoms. The correct conclusive result arises when: you have a positive swab; or An IgG HSV-2 level over 3.5 (Herpeselect test).
    • Lcj987
      Slept with someone unprotected, roughly 2 weeks ago now. I felt generally unwell the couple of days after but I’d been drinking the whole weekend and didn’t have much sleep either of the days of that weekend so put it down to that. 6 days after I noticed these spots appear on the shaft of my penis. Along with symptoms of discomfort in my shaft in the couple of days prior to them appearing. No pain when urinating at all that I have noticed. They don’t hurt, itch or tingle and they don’t have fluid in from what I can see or feel if I squeeze them and have never burst? I went to a sexual health clinic to get checked up, they took bloods to do a full test and looked at the spots but said they saw nothing that concerned them but I’m not sure about that, any advice? The smaller spots under the shaft are just follicles I had diagnosed years ago and non-sti related.
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