Second month/ second outbreak - working on acceptance

[heididehk]

I think waking up to “sandpaper between my legs” is one of the worst feelings ever; it just reminds me of having contracted this virus and the traumatising experience associated with it. 

 

Its like BAM, I’m really living with this, because of that night/guy. 

 

Second month, second outbreak, which was preceded by a two- week yeast infection. I could use a break from an irritated vagina. Although no longer a hostile one, this outbreak still covers a wide area of my genital parts. I can probably attribute it to my fluctuating emotions - I broke down crying yesterday at a coffee shop thinking because of this I can’t drink coffee again! I’ve always been a coffee addict. I feel like the guy/the virus killed the old me. I was grieving. But I still went on to drink the ice coffee after crying lol. 

 

Its been hard.... I am working on a busier schedule so I will be less obsessed about herpes. Chatting with friends about OTHER things and THEIR live also helps. Planning to disclose to more people because it is my way to accept myself. 

 

How are you, lovelies? I hope you feel better second by second ❤️

 

Heidi 

Edited September 23, 2019 by heididehk
Grammar

[Tulip79]

It does get better day by day.  Everyone has different triggers, you will find out, what tips the scale for you.  You may not have to give up coffee at all.  I eat pretty much what I want, stress is my trigger.  If you have people to confid in that is great.

We all understand how you feel.  Stay calm, and soldier on.

[CHT]

Tulip is correct.... it does get better and you will naturally reduce all the obsessing and.... and as for coffee, I believe it is one of my triggers too but, I find that reducing the amount I drink and diluting it with lots of milk/cream helps a good deal.  Keep up the positive attitude Heidi.... and believe that a cure is not far away!

[heididehk]

Tulip and CHT, 

 

you guys are so kind and I would give you the biggest hugs!!! *exhales* it’s so surreal that my life is forever changed because of one drunken night. 

 

I need to get myself together, as I just moved back to Hong Kong. Need a job, need to unpack, and get back with friends. I’ve been sitting at home all day. 

 

I hope there will be a day where I feel free and won’t be scared to touch myself. And I hope I get out of this traumatic experience soon so I can get on my world travels!!!! 

 

Are you guys keeping yourself busy?  

 

[CHT]

Hi Heidi.... it's all going to be okay.... you're still the same person but now you have a new challenge to learn to deal with.... don't let it consume your every moment and steal joy out of life.  It's going to get better.... honestly!  take baby-steps for now.... keeping busy with things that aren't virus  related helps for sure.... I have a busy life that forces me not to obsess constantly about my virus.... sounds like you do too...that's healthy.  Don't stay locked up in your home all day either.... even if it's just a few hours outside in the sunshine getting a little exercise.... it will help.  Stay positive.... it's going to get better!

[crazypuglady]

Hi Heidi, 5 years down the track from getting herpes and your experience and emotions seem to be very similar to mine. I took on a very demanding job which kept myself busy and distracted. I also started training a lot (crossfit then Orangetheory) instead of drinking and partying which I used to love and making my body look amazing made me feel better about myself after getting herpes. And yes the outbreaks do get less frequent and severe and you spend less time googling “herpes vaccine” and going on forums (I haven’t been on here in ages). Hope this helps x