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newhere/would like suggestions for dating

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hello...i contracted HSV 1 below the waist about September...that relationship has since ended. now i get to face the big bad world and dating with HSV 1. don't know what to do...but i have read what lot's of others do and have suggested...i guess this is my game plan and if you could offer suggestions or alternatives please do so..i realize that others have already gone through this and know much more than i do:

i'm not the type of person who could tell on a first date-wouldn't happen with me. cudos off to those that can tell on a first date, but just call me 'chicken'..i guess i would only feel truely obligated to even tell a partner if i thought that things were headed down south. in my opinion i guess i would feel that there is no need for them to know unless activity was going to happen below the waist and therefore give them the option of making that choice if they wanted to expose themself to HSV 1 or not.

with that said, it might take me a while to get to that point of giving myself sexually to a partner cuz i move slow, as in 3 or months to partake in a full throttle sexual relationship. (at least that's slow to me) really i probably wouldn't even do it until i was engaged to someone. but i realize that now that i have HSV 1, the talk probably can't wait that long. i guess what i'm saying is that i don't want to appear manipulative by holding out on the important info in order for them to fall head over heels in love with me so that having sex with me (someone who has HSV 1) would be easier for them because they love me. i guess i don't want to tell too early because i wouldn't want them to not have that respect for me and blab it all over the place...it just seems that if we were deeper into the relationship there would be more of an allegiance to me and our friendship and not spread my business. does this at all make sense?

my gyn. also said that older couples(people) have less of an issue of having a partner with HSV because if they love someone it's not so much of a problem because they want to be with them. He also said that its younger people that have much more of a problem with it. what do you all think about what i've posted?

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I would say younger people have more a problem with it because were still in the "It can't happen to me" stage. Like my friends joke about it... (The ones who don't know), like for instance, this dog would not go near this dude the other night, and someone said, "oh yea, its cause he smell your herpes" or something (mind you not the dog loves me, lol).

I casually dated a guy for about 3 or 4 months, never told him because things just didn't work out. I never felt comfortable around him to begin with.

But like I'm just starting a new relationship with an old friend that I'm crazy for. Its been maybe a month unoffically and things havent gotten serious yet, although I can see them heading in that direction. I'm still trying to come up with the nerves to tell him... I want him to know early enough that if it does affect the dating part, hopefully it wont kill the friends part, but at the same time, I want him to be hooked. :D

I too could not tell someone on a first date. Not even a second... It's always been a touchy subject. This is the first time in the past two years that I've really gotten close to a guy. I was drunk off shots and raped when I got it. Hence, major issues, Never have I been able to take shots since, and expect for my best friend, I havent been around guys alone either. But everythings way different with cory.

I guess in my opinion it really depends on how you feel towards a guy and how you think they will handle it at the time. Like I think Cory will be like, damm... that sucks... but I don't think he'll be like some of the stories where they completely shut you out.

And my best friend and I dated previously, and I told him. We've always been closer than most friends (the idea of a new guy kills him, lol) and he took the news just fine. We just limit what we do so he's not at risk, and he still chooses to fool around with me, over other girls. And It's not because I'm drop dead goregous, lol.

It really depends on who the guy is, how he finds out, and so forth.

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    • honkschonks
      @Anon222 I told the women I have slept with most recently. She’s been a regular partner who has had zero symptoms. She’s going to get tested. She’s the most level headed person I know and a good friend. One doctor told me for legal reasons to tell everyone in the past year that I have it. Another doctor said that’s unrealistic and pointless. I have no idea when it started as I had no major undoubtable outbreak, so going back a year may be too far, it may not be far enough. I’m not sure what to do. It has irritated me how casual doctors are about this. It won’t kill you but The emotional effect of knowing you have it or thinking you may have it seems to be more damaging than having it. People on here talking about suicide. I guess that’s why they don’t test for it, or it just got out of hand and there’s no going back. Strangely I haven’t been that stressed about it. Luckily I’ve been very busy working so I haven’t had time worry about it. Thanks @NY12345 for your thoughts.
    • Runride
      I've heard of STD dating sites but have never looked into one. Are they real? And does anyone have any experience with them?  If someone does I would really like to hear some details.  They sound kind of scary, but it seems it could also be a relief to know I would be less likely to be judged for this condition.
    • IcantThinkofaName
      I've also considered this option..and its still looking like a good idea. so... Did you try any other Av's like famvir or privetir? I think there are some others too...  Up the vitamin C, check your vit D levels via bloodwork... Are you stressed out or have a stressful lifestyle ( aside from having HSV, which alone is a stressor)? There are no other health issues going on ? How hard are your workouts? The last few Obs I had were after very intense resistance/weight workouts, and I was completely exhausted after...combined with a night of bad or little sleep. Tried L- glutamine supplementation? Lithium orotate ( its a supplement too) has been known to supress the virus/replication too. I have also read it could mutate it...not sure how accurate that is, or if there was a study that proved that..maybe google it. I took The lithium one time and it was an abbreviated/shorter Outbreak than others...but I was also taking alot of vit C, or it could have happened for another reason...I'll never know for sure. but...mediating for 12 hours a day might help too... (seriously) but just don't meditate on HSV. Or maybe in another year your body will get a better hold on the virus and can cope better. it is depressing, I can relate.  My Obs have finally  lessened after 1 yr and 3 months. I still have almost daily sensations, tingling though..I'm probably contagious AF. Sex isn't really on the radar anymore. so No reason to take the AVs as they cause some side effects for me. Time to join that monastery. There are more important things in life than sex, right?  (thats what some people are telling me and I want to punch them. I really liked/enjoyed sex) Hang in there. I was told after the 6 yr mark, HSV becomes a non issue in your body. ( thats what one of my Drs told me, so  not sure how accurate that is either, but I guess it gives me 4.5 years of hope) let me know if any of this helps or you find something that does.I wish you the best.  
    • NY12345
      Perhaps some of the best advice I received a couple of years back was that even if you do have herpes, it doesn’t mean that everything going on downstairs IS herpes. Blisters on your penis, probably herpes. Cuts in your buttcrack, maybe-maybe not.  You’re not damaged goods, you’re now in the majority of the population which had some form of HSV. Your confidence, honesty and being a good partner will determine how your life moves forward, even if that’s hard to believe now. There will be rejection, oftentimes because of lack of education, and sometimes because not everyone wants to take that risk. That’s ok, people are turned down for all sorts of reasons, that’s just life. It’s ok to be bummed out, but herpes isn’t the end all be all.
    • Anon222
      Hey there, I think you should tell him. Wouldn’t you want the same if the roles were reversed and he had it but you didn’t? He has the right to know and should get tested. From what I’ve read though there’s a good chance that you didn’t transmit it because it’s hard to transmit GSHV1 to another’s genitals.  Don’t feel bad about it. You are a person and people make mistakes. Having this open conversation is important if you truly care about him I think. Good luck 

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