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ArizonaLove

I need advice ASAP like by tonight!

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ArizonaLove

I've been trying to decide on how to tell my special something. I think it's time I tell him, Don't think I can push it off much more. Last night I had stayed over again and we both got kinda caught up in the moment. Don't worry, no sex. He went to slid his hand onto my butt, and I just casually moved it. He kinda laughed it off. It didn't end right there, but a little later he went to undo my belt, once again, moved his hand. He didn't say anything but I'm sure he was wondering what the hell. I wanted to tell him right then, but knew it wasn't a good time. It was killin me not tellin him... I haven't trusted anyone since the rape to so much as be alone with them, but with Cory it's different. I feel safe around him and like him sooo much.

We've been friends for many many years now, but only started to get close this past... month ish, little longer. last night was the first time anything happened beyond cuddling and kissing. He isn't one to push for anything, which is nice. I didn't expect anything to happen last night but you know how it is when you get caught up in the moment, but I was very sure to make sure he wasn't put at risk before knowing.

So heres my thing: We orrginially were gonna go drive around to look at christmas lights last night but didn't quite make it... ended up watching movies in with his roomates. So he asked about going tonight. (kinda cheesy yea but he never got to do the tradional holiday stuff as a kid). I was thinking that would be a good time to tell him... just me and him in the car, I'd be driving (he's outa gas), and he'd have the option of either inviting me in when we got back or calling it a night.

Is this a good place to tell him? Plus I like the idea of being able to distract myself... I've kinda prepared for the worst, but a good part of me doesn't think he'll make a big deal outa it. At least not in front of me...

I'm still trying to decide how to bring it up... Its running through my head as:

So theres something I need to tell ya. And then he'd be like okay... or make a joke first, and then I figured about mentioning how my boss insisted upon me coming drinking with him one night and took advantage of me. It's not the easiest thing to tell you, I haven't had to tell anyone other than friends yet. Anyways, I ended up getting Herpes from him. He denied it all but the tests don't lie. Your the first person since then I felt comfortable around.

Hmm.... does that sounds good...??? Thats pretty much how it'd sound... with fillers... Any ideas??? Any scripts you've used before???

I've wanted to tell him but at the same time wanted to wait. One friend said to just not tell him, but no way can I not tell him and risk something happening. And he has the right to know. I hope he likes me enough to stick around.

Thanks in advance!

*ArizonaLove*

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Early

I'm glad you're not listening to your friend who said not to tell Cory. If you care about him, then you care about his physical and mental well-being, and you know that you can't make the decision for him.

I think your plan sounds fine... and the sooner the better. Men are sensitive about being wanted sexually and often lack confidence, and if you're not straightforward about why you're not going further, then it could cause a rift in your relationship. Going for a drive sounds good, because there's a distraction, you don't have to be looking at each other, and it's not a sexy / steamy situation. You don't really have to go into detail about the boss. That may be too much information, and introduces a character into your relationship who you'd probably like to leave out of your life from here on out. If you want to make sure that Cory doesn't assume you've been promiscuous, then I'd just sort of gloss over that part.

I guess the only part of your plan that I'm not on board with is hoping that he asks you in. I think you need to give him some time to digest the information (overnight, at least) before he makes any decisions about sleeping with you. Let him know that you can take it slow and he can make a decision to take the risk (or not) after the relationship develops. Also give him a chance to read some stuff (the FAQ on this page is a really good entry point, I've found). Point him towards some good info on WebMD or elsewhere that's in simple language, and not too overwhelming or erroneous, and isn't sponsored by the prescription drug companies. Be selective. Also be really open to his questions. I think you'll be fine. Good luck... let us know!

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ArizonaLove

Thanks for your responce! By inviting me in, it's like our normal routine, go in watch a movie with roomates, and then either go to bed, or I head home, not to have sex. I assume that he'll ask how I came about getting it tho. The boss is definatly a factor I don't want in my life anymore.

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Early

About the boss thing: It makes sense, I just think you don't need to be really specific about it. That's not really the issue.

I think some time alone is good, just to digest the information and so that he doesn't feel pressured to react or respond immediately. It can be difficult going home and not knowing what will happen the next time you talk, but it will most likely turn out positive if you have something special with him.

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ArizonaLove

UPDATE:

So I almost chickened out but got the nerve to tell him. We did pointless driving for like 2 or 3 hours, just talking, looking at lights, ect. Then finally we hit the last stretch towards his town. I finally said, "So I got something to tell you, You prolly noticed I didn't let you in my pants last night" and he said "It's okay" and then I told him. Flat out... and he made a joke of it, he said "Thats okay, I just got over mine". I'm not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. The conversation ended with that and switched to other topics and the conversation flowed just like before I told him. Joking is like him. I expected to just say "that sucks" or "shit happens" (his normal moto) but I think it'll be okay... I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

When I pulled up to drop him off, he sat inside my car for like half an hour just talking some more. So there was no rush of him leaving. By then it was 11:30, he has to get up at 4 I think it was. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping I get my morning text...

Thanks for your support!

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sad sore & sorry
UPDATE:....I told him. Flat out... and he made a joke of it, he said "Thats okay, I just got over mine". I'm not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

So does that mean he has it too ?

That you are the same ?

I really like this site for "telling": http://www.herpes.org.nz/patient/relationships.htm

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catiesmom

I'm glad it went well. I'm REALLY hoping mine goes the same way. I've been rehearsing my conversation too. Wanna hear it? (i'm totally hijacking your thread!!):

I have something to tell you, and you have to be serious for a minute [he like NEVER is]. Remember i told you about that guy i was with a few months before you? Well, we kinda dated but not really. Just some fooling around. One night i got REALLY drunk and we went a little farther than we should have. Apparently he had cold sores and he was kind enough to give them to me... just not on my mouth.

And then i expect him to run out the door.

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ArizonaLove

He was just joking, making light of the situation.

Catiesmom, I think that sounds like a great plan. Good luck! I hope it goes well for you too!

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ArizonaLove

Just to add, my story ends up happy. We are back to normal. :D He invited me over tonight. :D even invited me to stay the night (which I'm not, gotta work in the mornin) but so heres a happy story for everyone. I told him and all is well.

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