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lar26

He found out... without me telling him

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lar26

I feel like an asshole.

I didn't know herpes was transferable regardless of whether or not you get an outbreak, and my boyfriend found one of my Val pills that I accidentally dropped at his place (clearly I'm brilliant). I had been meaning to bring it up to him for awhile and didn't know how, and now I'm suffering the consequences.

He's all types of furious with me right now.

What the fuck do I do? 

I've apologized profusely but I don't know how else to handle this.

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lar26

I have HSV1, mouth only, in case that changes anything 

Edited by lar26

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WilsoInAus

@lar26 I’m sorry but his reaction is unreasonable. You have oral cold sores like 70% of the population. 
He will have family members with it and a decent proportion of previous girls he’s been with.

Theres a chance he also has it even if he doesn’t know it.

So just say “yes like 70% of the population, I have HSV-1 the virus that causes cold sores. You may already have it as well. I take all the reasonable precautions to prevent transmission to anyone else.”

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lar26

@WilsoInAus thank you so much. That's exactly what I needed right now.

What are the chances that HSV-1 could spread to genitals? I've never gone down on him during an outbreak and I'm always on antivirals.

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WilsoInAus

Hey @lar26 if he has it already then pragmatically zero chance.

If he doesn’t, then 1 in 5,000 blowjobs whilst on antivirals.

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sadgrl4now

If he doesn’t calm down and ask questions for himself, than why be with him? Someone who doesn’t take the time to understand what your condition , there’s no need to be with someone like that. Hope it works out for you. Well wishes.

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Surfersparadise
On 11/18/2019 at 5:26 PM, WilsoInAus said:

@lar26 I’m sorry but his reaction is unreasonable. You have oral cold sores like 70% of the population. 
He will have family members with it and a decent proportion of previous girls he’s been with.

Theres a chance he also has it even if he doesn’t know it.

So just say “yes like 70% of the population, I have HSV-1 the virus that causes cold sores. You may already have it as well. I take all the reasonable precautions to prevent transmission to anyone else.”


 

This is the wrong answer!

If OP knows about it and is taking antivirals. And, she is hiding taking them at his place.....then disclosure MUST happen! 
 

This is why people keep getting herpes. 
 

She is the one stigmatizing herpes!

 

Why is she hiding it and then having sexual relationship with this guy??

 

At that point it should be his choice if he wants to take the risk, get tested....or, continue having sexual relations with an infected person. 
 

Like I posted before for those that don’t want to disclose during a new relationship.  Then suggest taking a mutual STD test.

Allow the doctor to disclose and say what everyone else say....so, common!  Everyone has it....etc.  Softens the blow. 
 

Then the person can continue taking the medicine and not hide it, etc. 

 

Or, maybe they don’t even want to do it this way.....because, they are afraid the other person will tell everyone.

 

At this point.....only date people that have it.  
 

Apparently, should not be difficult to find someone without herpes! 
 

Do not hide it!  

It is very different to have it and be 100% dormant.

 

Or, like most of on this board that ‘have it’ and struggling with OBs and treatments.   Currently under medical care, struggling physically and mentally.

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lar26
Posted (edited)

@WilsoInAus thoughts on @Surfersparadise?

I read up on an article that said risk of transmission while on antivirals is 1%. Combined with lysine, I haven't had an outbreak in forever.

Edited by lar26

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WilsoInAus
1 hour ago, lar26 said:

@WilsoInAus thoughts on @Surfersparadise?

I read up on an article that said risk of transmission while on antivirals is 1%. Combined with lysine, I haven't had an outbreak in forever.

Hey @lar26 - well @Surfersparadise didn't read what you or I wrote. The situation is well beyond whether disclosure is an issue so it is not relevant in this context. It is a bit rich I have to say in receiving a lecture from someone with herpes who has not disclosed themselves for the bulk of their life.

This is about making a rational decision on the basis of facts of the risks and what it means in a whole of life context. The odds are not an issue for the true decision your partner needs to make.

If your partner cannot accept you as a person with HSV-1 orally, then sadly they can't and they are hence not the person for you. Unless someone is prepared to accept you for all that you are completely, then they are not partner material. You do not need to accept any compromise.

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