how risky is risky?

[acqua]

Hi. I'm really glad this forum exists. I am new to the experience of having been with someone with Herpes. He was upfront and honest with me. He has the virus but doesn't show symptoms -- so he can spread it without any visual signs present. He only found out when his previous girlfriend contracted it. She only showed signs after they had stopped using condoms. They both got tested and he was told he carries the virus. When he told me all of this, I was scared at first. Then I realized I had wanted to sleep with him before this information and I still wanted to -- we'd just have to be careful.

So we were careful in that we always used condoms, but we got lax when it came to oral sex. I have never had any symptoms of Gential Herpes, but I've had the Cold Sore variety for about as long as I can remember. I get an cold sore about twice a year. Because I try to be careful and healthy about sex, I was tested for everything I could think of a few months ago and I was clear. However, that was before I had slept with someone with Herpes, so it could be a whole new ballgame by now.

Ok -- that's the background. Here's the immediate problem:

Our relationship is over -- just recently. Since then, I have had a sexual encounter with someone else a few days ago. I was insistent that we use protection. (I have never had any signs of genital herpes -- but now that I know I've been with someone who never shows symptoms and has it...well, I figure I should be extra careful). So we used protection at first...and then we got careless.

And today I have a cold sore.

I'm freaking out b/c I'm thinking: is this just a cold sore? Should I have told this person that I once slept with someone with Herpes, even though I've never had symptoms of Genital Herpes? What if I somehow gave something to him without knowing? I have no symptoms elsewhere, but neither did the person I know who had Genital Herpes. Maybe I'm some kind of carrier and don't know it. How can I find out if I've contracted something? How can I find out if I'm a carrier?

I want to be honest with this person. But I don't want to freak him out unnecessarily. I have no problem telling him the truth -- I just don't know how to find out what the truth is.

And, as those of you with cold sores already know -- the more I stress out about this whole situation (the break up, the "encounter", the cold sore, the possibilities...), the more stubborn my cold sore gets.

Anybody? Help? Thanks in advance for any info.

[MC37 Pilot]

Should I have told this person that I once slept with someone with Herpes, even though I've never had symptoms of Genital Herpes?

I don't think so...

What if I somehow gave something to him without knowing?

What if he gave you something without knowing?

NOONE that is NOT a virgin knows for SURE that they are HSV free. NOONE.

Now... having said that, its not a bad idea to discuss the entire scope of sexuality with EVERY partner you have and know that there is NO SUCH THING AS SAFE SEX.

JUST having sex with ANYONE puts a person at risk. THERE IS NO SAFE SEX.

2 people who both have NEVER had an outbreak... THEY CAN'T BE SURE they don't carry HSV.

See what I'm getting at?

So basically, I think you are worrying too much. You've never had an outbreak, (except a cold sore) but you've never had an outbreak genitally, I would ALWAYS recommend using condoms until you are in a committed long-term relationship...

But beyond that... Maybe just be extra aware IF you notice something 'not right down below' and never have sex if you don't feel 'right' down there...

But really... If you've never had an outbreak down there, you are no more, and no less 'at risk' then your new partner.