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how risky is risky?


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Hi. I'm really glad this forum exists. I am new to the experience of having been with someone with Herpes. He was upfront and honest with me. He has the virus but doesn't show symptoms -- so he can spread it without any visual signs present. He only found out when his previous girlfriend contracted it. She only showed signs after they had stopped using condoms. They both got tested and he was told he carries the virus. When he told me all of this, I was scared at first. Then I realized I had wanted to sleep with him before this information and I still wanted to -- we'd just have to be careful.

So we were careful in that we always used condoms, but we got lax when it came to oral sex. I have never had any symptoms of Gential Herpes, but I've had the Cold Sore variety for about as long as I can remember. I get an cold sore about twice a year. Because I try to be careful and healthy about sex, I was tested for everything I could think of a few months ago and I was clear. However, that was before I had slept with someone with Herpes, so it could be a whole new ballgame by now.

Ok -- that's the background. Here's the immediate problem:

Our relationship is over -- just recently. Since then, I have had a sexual encounter with someone else a few days ago. I was insistent that we use protection. (I have never had any signs of genital herpes -- but now that I know I've been with someone who never shows symptoms and has it...well, I figure I should be extra careful). So we used protection at first...and then we got careless.

And today I have a cold sore.

I'm freaking out b/c I'm thinking: is this just a cold sore? Should I have told this person that I once slept with someone with Herpes, even though I've never had symptoms of Genital Herpes? What if I somehow gave something to him without knowing? I have no symptoms elsewhere, but neither did the person I know who had Genital Herpes. Maybe I'm some kind of carrier and don't know it. How can I find out if I've contracted something? How can I find out if I'm a carrier?

I want to be honest with this person. But I don't want to freak him out unnecessarily. I have no problem telling him the truth -- I just don't know how to find out what the truth is.

And, as those of you with cold sores already know -- the more I stress out about this whole situation (the break up, the "encounter", the cold sore, the possibilities...), the more stubborn my cold sore gets.

Anybody? Help? Thanks in advance for any info.

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Should I have told this person that I once slept with someone with Herpes, even though I've never had symptoms of Genital Herpes?

I don't think so...

What if I somehow gave something to him without knowing?

What if he gave you something without knowing? :wink:

NOONE that is NOT a virgin knows for SURE that they are HSV free. NOONE.

Now... having said that, its not a bad idea to discuss the entire scope of sexuality with EVERY partner you have and know that there is NO SUCH THING AS SAFE SEX.

JUST having sex with ANYONE puts a person at risk. THERE IS NO SAFE SEX.

2 people who both have NEVER had an outbreak... THEY CAN'T BE SURE they don't carry HSV.

See what I'm getting at?

So basically, I think you are worrying too much. You've never had an outbreak, (except a cold sore) but you've never had an outbreak genitally, I would ALWAYS recommend using condoms until you are in a committed long-term relationship...

But beyond that... Maybe just be extra aware IF you notice something 'not right down below' and never have sex if you don't feel 'right' down there...

But really... If you've never had an outbreak down there, you are no more, and no less 'at risk' then your new partner.

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    • Jeremy Spokein
      Yes, but every married person who I found out about that has this waited 6-8 months into the relationship to disclose it. But maybe you're right. If I had told her 6-7 months in, she'd still have Googled it and flipped out, and maybe it would have been harder then. I don't know. I don't see myself going through this level of pain and rejection so easily next time. I really don't. I'm taking the meds. I use protection. It's been almost a decade since I've had it so I'm not worried about shedding or passing it on so easily. British studies confirm that the first 2 years are the most contagious and we're passed that. I'm just over this. I've never been in so much emotional pain in my life.
    • Possiblehypercon11
      @WilsoInAus would really appreciate your input please. Kinda freaking out lol. 
    • Possiblehypercon11
      Is this herpes? I can’t find any pics that match this exactly and my symptoms don’t really match. I don’t have really any of the typical herpes symptoms other than pictured, so I figured it could be friction as I have recently been having a lot of sex with a new partner. Way more than normal. Started having unprotected sex about 3 - 4 weeks ago. These symptoms only started about 3-4 days ago. Felt burning in some areas and only some very few tiny red areas/spots appeared. Almost shiny in appearance. Seems to settle very quickly. They were only present for a day or so. Also had some very mild irritation after I pee but not during. This spot has 2 small red lumps that are now dry around the outside. It’s like it’s been rubbed off and the skin is dry and shiny underneath. It doesn’t seem to be lesion. There was no puss or any leakage, nor was the skin ever red under them. They also got better within a day or so. I still have red spots around but they are very small and not bunched together and some general discomfort but I feel it’s because I’ve touched it so much! Stressing a bit!  my research tells me friction burn/blister , Fungal ,herpes a bit of it all! I have no idea! Please help! Thanks in advance. 
    • EssenceL25
      I’m going to force him to get tested ! Thanks for your help ! 
    • WilsoInAus
      @EssenceL25 there really isn't a question mark around the source, it's your latest partner. The median time from infection to an outbreak of lesions upon initial infection is 4 days.  The only thing that isn't certain is the type I suggest.
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