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Disappointed87

How long do you wait

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Disappointed87

I’m a female with genital herpes (year and a half now only 4 out breaks)and I was wondering how long I should wait to have unprotected sex with my partner again after an outbreak? I’m sorry if this is similar to another post it’s so hard to sort through but I did try to look and see if there was an answer out there already. As soon as I start to feel or see anything I immediately take the antiviral my doctor prescribes for me to have on hand. She and I decided I don’t have enough outbreaks to need suppressive therapy. My male partner and I have been waiting about 4 weeks from the day I start taking the medicine, basically long enough for any scabs or lesions to be completely healed and not pink anymore.

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sub16610

4 weeks are more than enough but you can transmit him the virus even if you don't have any symptoms.

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Disappointed87

So should we never have unprotected sex (which makes pregnancy difficult) or should I not abstain at all lol we’ve been doing this for about a year now and he still tests negative. Whenever I’m aware of symptoms I wait 4-5 weeks so whatever we are doing seems to be working. I was just wondering if that was excessive as it’s obviously a little frustrating and difficult to wait. Trying to keep from infecting him is more important but why abstain for longer than necessary.

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MiLoBeng

There is a way if you're looking to get pregnant safely but it's not ideally appealing for some ppl. You could always poke a small hole on the tip of condom (just enough for the semen to get through). So in theory, you can get pregnant without infecting your partner that way. 

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Disappointed87

That could still get him infected thought it does add a little more safety. Also adds a little challenge to getting pregnant. Hsv can be spread by skin to skin, if his skin comes in direct contact with my sores. It’s not just transmitted by fluids only. From what I’ve read/understood. I don’t mind waiting, He doesn’t want to wear condoms during sex that’s his decision. I refuse to have sex condom or not when I know I’m having symptoms. There’s always a chance I’m shedding and can spread it unknowingly, but I can’t be completely paranoid about all unprotected skin to skin contact 24/7 it would drive me crazy. I still battle with the paranoia and guilt. I should refuse to let him touch me unless we are both wearing full body latex suites with female and male condoms. I can’t have any part of his skin possibly touch the area I have breakouts. At that extreme, enjoying sex is near impossible. The only 100% way to keep him safe is to never transmit fluids with him or let him touch that part of me. Everything is risky, some more than others. There are also a million degrees of safety. I try to do my best at protecting him while keeping us both happy. If it were up to him we wouldnt ever abstain even during an obvious breakout. His health isn’t 100% my responsibility, it’s his too but I acknowledge my part so I think of it as 50/50. 
 

I was just wondering if there were other couples who avoided contact during breakouts and if so, how long do they wait. 

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Quest

It's not all or nothing and we both think latex trunks and undies are sexy as hell. I have way more peace and refused touch is extreme for me. 

I leveled the playing field with Lou Paget's mouth and hand techniques. I felt very inadequate, but I never knew that my skills were better than sex. 8ish years later I am proud to say he is safe.. 

We were using American condoms. Of course he wanted to ditch them after a few months! 

It wasn't ideal at first, huge learning curve! At some point he will ditch them in the heat of the moment. My best advice is to make decisions ahead of time. 

Edited by Quest

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Disappointed87

@Quest is the latex used all the time or just when you’ve recently had a breakout? 

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Quest
On 1/15/2020 at 5:59 PM, Disappointed87 said:

@Quest is the latex used all the time or just when you’ve recently had a breakout? 

We were not using latex all along, but if we didn't we used a barrier of coconut oil and polyisoprene condoms. One or the other. :)

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