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hope2486

When does it get easier

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hope2486

I guess I am just using this post to vent, because I feel so isolated and have no one to talk to about it. I’ve had HSV 2 for at least 2 years now, I got it from my ex who cheated like crazy and was careless enough to give me herpes. Because of this I hardly date or give anyone a chance to get to know me. 
 

I met a guy I really like, I’ve actually like him for a while but didn’t want to approach him because of my status. But he approached me one day and he was everything I hoped for. Eventually he wanted to have sex, I really did too but I couldn’t bring myself to disclose and I didn’t want to have sex with him without disclosing either so I turned him down and now he won’t talk to me. 
 

I really don’t see myself ever dating again. I’ve seen so many disclosure success stories but it’s just too hard. I was already very shy and introverted before getting herpes and  this just made it 100 times worse. I really don’t know where to go from here. I come to this site hoping for good news about a cure or vaccine and everything is years away. 
 

It’s so shitty that some of us get tested and live responsibly in misery while others like my ex deny it and move on with their lives. I wish the CDC included HSV testing with the standard tests, it’s so unfair that so many people who probably have and don’t know walk around clueless spreading it to others. 
 

:( rant over for now. Hopefully one day we’ll have something that allows us to get our lives back. 

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blurneworder

I disclosed to someone and they replied with "I already have it orally." 

Perhaps your suitor already has it! Even if he doesn't, he might not even care that you have it.

I told one of my good friends I had it and she replied "I have it, too. It's not a big deal."

My point is not that herpes is not a big deal, rather, having herpes might not be a concern to every person you meet.

Edited by blurneworder

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hope2486
1 minute ago, blurneworder said:

I disclosed to someone and they replied with "I already have it orally." 

Perhaps your suitor already has it! Even if he doesn't, he might not even care that you have it.

I told one of my good friends I had it and she replied "I have it, too. It's not a big deal."

That’s encouraging and maybe he does but now he doesn’t want to talk to me. So it seems best to just lose out on someone I really wanted than to chase him down and confess my secret with the hope that he has it too. No point in exposing myself now. Most people don’t get checked for it, I think my odds are pretty low that he has it or that he knows about it if he does. 
 

Hopefully I’ll give dating a chance again one day and if I like someone I’ll have the courage to tell them and they’ll respond that way. I can handle the rejection, I’m more scared they’ll reject me and then tell everyone they know. In my city there’s always a witch hunt for people with herpes. I’m surrounded by idiots. 

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blurneworder
34 minutes ago, hope2486 said:

That’s encouraging and maybe he does but now he doesn’t want to talk to me. So it seems best to just lose out on someone I really wanted than to chase him down and confess my secret with the hope that he has it too. No point in exposing myself now. Most people don’t get checked for it, I think my odds are pretty low that he has it or that he knows about it if he does. 
 

Hopefully I’ll give dating a chance again one day and if I like someone I’ll have the courage to tell them and they’ll respond that way. I can handle the rejection, I’m more scared they’ll reject me and then tell everyone they know. In my city there’s always a witch hunt for people with herpes. I’m surrounded by idiots. 

A witch hunt? If that's what your town is concerning itself with, move outta that place!

I understand what you mean by fearing other people knowing your secret. I'd be willing to bet that if others found out, they wouldn't really care as it doesn't affect them. 

You'd probably elicit a stronger reaction from people who learn what political party you support or what music you think is good/bad. I think the stain of supporting the "wrong" political candidate is far greater than what STD you may have once had/have.

Edited by blurneworder

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hope2486
15 minutes ago, blurneworder said:

A witch hunt? If that's what your town is concerning itself with, move outta that place!

I understand what you mean by fearing other people knowing your secret. I'd be willing to bet that if others found out, they wouldn't really care as it doesn't affect them. 

You'd probably elicit a stronger reaction from people who learn what political party you support or what music you think is good/bad. I think the stain of supporting the "wrong" political candidate is far greater than what STD you may have once had/have.

You’re probably right, and I do need to leave this place!! Thank you for taking the time to respond :). 
 

Some days it doesn’t bother me at all then some days it hits me hard. 

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blurneworder

Some days are good and bad for me, too.

Just remember -- having herpes doesn't mean you are any less valuable or loved.

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Davey
On 1/13/2020 at 12:14 AM, hope2486 said:

You’re probably right, and I do need to leave this place!! Thank you for taking the time to respond :). 
 

Some days it doesn’t bother me at all then some days it hits me hard. 

Yeah from all the herpes-folk I've talked to / dated it's a much bigger deal in small towns - but the way I see it, you can literally go your whole life too afraid to disclose to people, or just go for it.

There's no guarantee of a cure, but there's definitely a cure for stigmas - and that's talking about it and not treating it like some horrible secret. Because it's not.

I've disclosed to multiple partners over 7 years and have not once been rejected for it - that just comes from confidence and being informative, usually people just appreciate your honesty, and if they don't then they're not worth your time.

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hope2486
On 2/6/2020 at 10:46 PM, Davey said:

Yeah from all the herpes-folk I've talked to / dated it's a much bigger deal in small towns - but the way I see it, you can literally go your whole life too afraid to disclose to people, or just go for it.

There's no guarantee of a cure, but there's definitely a cure for stigmas - and that's talking about it and not treating it like some horrible secret. Because it's not.

I've disclosed to multiple partners over 7 years and have not once been rejected for it - that just comes from confidence and being informative, usually people just appreciate your honesty, and if they don't then they're not worth your time.

Thank you! I’ve decided next time to not be afraid to tell someone. I do live in a small town which sucks lol. 

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