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shutterbug14

depressed as hell

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shutterbug14

found out today that i have genital herpes. actually, i think my first outbreak was in july of 2006, had a small sore after about 3 days of unprotected sex. it went away though and i never got it again.. so i figured it was just an irritation from sex. then on christmas day, i felt itchy and when i went to the bathroom it burned like hell. i noticed a sore and went to the drs. just to make sure it was nothing, but it was not nothing. it is herpes. i started dating this guy over a month ago and we did have sex (not protected a few weeks ago). i did not know i had this. i don't know what to do. i am so scared to tell him. someone can you help with this.

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NotSoGood

So sorry to hear that u r depressed right now the only thing I can say is I pray that u didnt infect your partner and explain that u had no idea u had it prior to u 2 having sex. Good luck with telling him the news.

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shutterbug14

don't know how to tell him

can you give me some input on how to tell him. how do i start. i feel awful about this and also pray that he did not get this. i would feel so guilty. the sad thing is i really like him and was hoping we would possibly have something together. i am afraid now that won't happen. but i have to tell him and be honest. as much as that sucks.

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NotSoGood

You should look at some threads on how people on this site told there lovers they have it. I don't really know how to tell someone. People on here have some good advice on telling. The same way you wrote it in this thread think of a way of telling him how you told us. Just tell and hope for a good outcome. I hope he can understand that you weren't aware because gyn don't test for HSV.

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shutterbug14

thanks for your help

i just have to find the courage and let the chips fall where they may and hope he is okay. thanks for your help and shoulder.

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Argh

Hi there . . . I was just diagnost today, as well. Don't rule out the posibility that he may already be infected and either doesn't know or maybe dealing with the same exact thoughts of telling you. After all the statistic is 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men. Have your facts straight and be prepared for questions they might have. Knowledge is power. I'm in a similar dilema. If given the chance wouldn't you have liked a heads up. That's my deciding factor . . . I'm pretty sure the person I contracted herpes from knew had it and just didn't bother to warn me. Tables turned if i cared about someone . . . It wouldn't stop me from having a sexual rlationship with them but I would want some information and some options.

I am secretly hoping he will say "really, genital herpes -I do too" haha! and we'll prance into the sunset.

fingers crossed!! good luck.

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luv2dancebas

I think trying to find the right words is a difficult thing. We find it easy to tell our stories on boards like this because we are all sharing the same experience. I agree knowledge is power. Know your facts. I wasn't given a choice about being exposed. I'm not sure who gave it to me (one of three are the usual suspects) and I"m not sure any of them knew/know they are carrying it. I know for me I will never not give someone the truth and allow them to make the decision about whether or not they want to risk exposure. With so many people carrying the virus, I to am hoping someday someone says hey it's okay I have it too!!

As terrible as this sounds, or maybe pathetic, I'm hoping it's suspect JT, I really like him and we were hooking up and hanging out for the last six months. I had to tell him I have the virus and that I had sex with someone other than him. His ego took a hit and although we are remaining friends he's not sure he can trust me to pursue the rest of our friendship any deeper. Which I totally understand. But I'm hoping he actually exposed me and will take me up on my "you break it you buy it" policy.

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lilanne19

I was in your shoes in Sept. when I found out I had this. I'd started seeing my bf 2 months prior and telling him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. What I can tell you is that waiting is worse than telling. Once I told him I had a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders. Don't get me wrong it wasn't easy. I'm embarrassed to say that I was so devastated at my diagnosis that I wasn't able to tell him in person because at that time I couldn't say the word herpes without crying. So I ended up telling via email. That is the worst way possible I know but if I waited until I could say the word herpes he still wouldn't know. We'd had sex (protected) he got tested and he's negative. Even before he was tested he was really cool about it and supportive. The only thing I can say is that he said he loved me and didn't leave. I would just say don't do it in an intimate setting and have your facts ready because he's going to have questions. Good Luck and get it over with, being in limbo hell is not fun.

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shutterbug14

well did tell

i couldn't do it in person. finally told him over the phone and i cried and told him that i had been diagnosed and i may have had it not sure but if so, i didn't know. he took it okay, said why are you crying. your not going to die and said i hope i didn't give it to you. i don't think he did like i said over a year ago i did have a sore, went away and never had another so i thought it was just from sex. i don't think though he wants to continue the relationship which makes me sad. who knows. he was reading about it as we were speaking on the phone. i told him he needs to go get tested as well. i don't think he will want to see me or have even protected sex with me again. i hope i find someone someday that will be okay with this and still want a relationship with me. it feels good that i finally told him. but it sucks that i am pretty sure it is over.

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