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shutterbug14

depressed as hell

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shutterbug14

found out today that i have genital herpes. actually, i think my first outbreak was in july of 2006, had a small sore after about 3 days of unprotected sex. it went away though and i never got it again.. so i figured it was just an irritation from sex. then on christmas day, i felt itchy and when i went to the bathroom it burned like hell. i noticed a sore and went to the drs. just to make sure it was nothing, but it was not nothing. it is herpes. i started dating this guy over a month ago and we did have sex (not protected a few weeks ago). i did not know i had this. i don't know what to do. i am so scared to tell him. someone can you help with this.

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NotSoGood

So sorry to hear that u r depressed right now the only thing I can say is I pray that u didnt infect your partner and explain that u had no idea u had it prior to u 2 having sex. Good luck with telling him the news.

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shutterbug14

don't know how to tell him

can you give me some input on how to tell him. how do i start. i feel awful about this and also pray that he did not get this. i would feel so guilty. the sad thing is i really like him and was hoping we would possibly have something together. i am afraid now that won't happen. but i have to tell him and be honest. as much as that sucks.

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NotSoGood

You should look at some threads on how people on this site told there lovers they have it. I don't really know how to tell someone. People on here have some good advice on telling. The same way you wrote it in this thread think of a way of telling him how you told us. Just tell and hope for a good outcome. I hope he can understand that you weren't aware because gyn don't test for HSV.

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shutterbug14

thanks for your help

i just have to find the courage and let the chips fall where they may and hope he is okay. thanks for your help and shoulder.

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Argh

Hi there . . . I was just diagnost today, as well. Don't rule out the posibility that he may already be infected and either doesn't know or maybe dealing with the same exact thoughts of telling you. After all the statistic is 1 in 4 women and 1 in 5 men. Have your facts straight and be prepared for questions they might have. Knowledge is power. I'm in a similar dilema. If given the chance wouldn't you have liked a heads up. That's my deciding factor . . . I'm pretty sure the person I contracted herpes from knew had it and just didn't bother to warn me. Tables turned if i cared about someone . . . It wouldn't stop me from having a sexual rlationship with them but I would want some information and some options.

I am secretly hoping he will say "really, genital herpes -I do too" haha! and we'll prance into the sunset.

fingers crossed!! good luck.

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luv2dancebas

I think trying to find the right words is a difficult thing. We find it easy to tell our stories on boards like this because we are all sharing the same experience. I agree knowledge is power. Know your facts. I wasn't given a choice about being exposed. I'm not sure who gave it to me (one of three are the usual suspects) and I"m not sure any of them knew/know they are carrying it. I know for me I will never not give someone the truth and allow them to make the decision about whether or not they want to risk exposure. With so many people carrying the virus, I to am hoping someday someone says hey it's okay I have it too!!

As terrible as this sounds, or maybe pathetic, I'm hoping it's suspect JT, I really like him and we were hooking up and hanging out for the last six months. I had to tell him I have the virus and that I had sex with someone other than him. His ego took a hit and although we are remaining friends he's not sure he can trust me to pursue the rest of our friendship any deeper. Which I totally understand. But I'm hoping he actually exposed me and will take me up on my "you break it you buy it" policy.

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lilanne19

I was in your shoes in Sept. when I found out I had this. I'd started seeing my bf 2 months prior and telling him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. What I can tell you is that waiting is worse than telling. Once I told him I had a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders. Don't get me wrong it wasn't easy. I'm embarrassed to say that I was so devastated at my diagnosis that I wasn't able to tell him in person because at that time I couldn't say the word herpes without crying. So I ended up telling via email. That is the worst way possible I know but if I waited until I could say the word herpes he still wouldn't know. We'd had sex (protected) he got tested and he's negative. Even before he was tested he was really cool about it and supportive. The only thing I can say is that he said he loved me and didn't leave. I would just say don't do it in an intimate setting and have your facts ready because he's going to have questions. Good Luck and get it over with, being in limbo hell is not fun.

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shutterbug14

well did tell

i couldn't do it in person. finally told him over the phone and i cried and told him that i had been diagnosed and i may have had it not sure but if so, i didn't know. he took it okay, said why are you crying. your not going to die and said i hope i didn't give it to you. i don't think he did like i said over a year ago i did have a sore, went away and never had another so i thought it was just from sex. i don't think though he wants to continue the relationship which makes me sad. who knows. he was reading about it as we were speaking on the phone. i told him he needs to go get tested as well. i don't think he will want to see me or have even protected sex with me again. i hope i find someone someday that will be okay with this and still want a relationship with me. it feels good that i finally told him. but it sucks that i am pretty sure it is over.

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  • Posts

    • Ashia
      Hey there. Best thing to do is to go in and specifically ask for a herpes IgG blood test and a swab if you have any active sores / bumps present. That's the only way to know for certain. Your symptoms do not sound like the typical symptoms one would experience, but, each person experiences this virus differently. Best to get checked before assuming the worst. Best of luck to you! 
    • asian_gg
      Good question. I want to know the answer too. I apply Abreva to the infected area preventively and take multivitamin to boots up immunity. I am not sure how effective my method is but it is better than doing nothing I guess. 
    • honkschonks
      My assumption and ignorance of herpes was oozing puss filled blistering sores, pain and sickness. You get it by sleeping with whores and sketchy people. Boy was I wrong. I know this is long but hopefully some of you can relate. A week ago I woke up to small painless blisters on my penis out of nowhere. Never happened before. No pre-itching, no pre-tingling, no redness, no sick feelings, no pain, no discharge. I hadn’t slept with anyone in over a month, so wtf. The next morning they were gone, with cuts/sores left behind. They didn’t itch or hurt, only as much as a cut would. I left them alone. I went to a doctor and showed him a photo of the blisters (because they were already gone), he said looks like herpes. How could it be? No woman I’ve ever slept with in the past two years has mentioned it before, during or after me. I didn’t have one night stands. I had regular friends with benefits who could tell me. The doctor did a swab. I asked for a blood test and he said there’s no point. He was certain, so I went to another doctor. He looked at the photos and said it doesn’t look like herpes. I was confused. I asked for a blood test. He was hesitant, but I got an IGG. Now in the past couple years I have had some cuts between my buttcheeks. I always chalked it up to yeast or not wiping enough or too much. It always came out of nowhere, no sickness, no brutal pain, no ooozing puss filled blisters. I never went to a doctor about it. It was uncomfortable, but eventually went away after a week or two. I had assumed genital herpes meant penis, and I wasn’t having anal sex. On this very forum when I was doing research waiting for results, someone said I was being ridiculous thinking I have herpes with non-symptoms like these. Well, today I went in for my swab results. I’m still waiting for the IGG test, but the herpes culture came back positive for HSV2 isolated. The doctor is certain the IGG will come back positive. I’m not really sure how to deal with all this. Right now I feel like a leper, like damaged goods, but also if I’ve had this for years and had no idea until now, I also feel like it’s no big deal. Not a single person in the past two years has got it from me to my knowledge or were incredibly lucky to get a version that shows no symptoms. My concern is explaining that to people going forward who have my prior assumptions, and will not want me. One doctor told me I should for legal reasons go back a year and tell everyone I’ve been with. Another doctor said that’s not realistic. I didn’t have a major episode where I can pinpoint infection, so how far back should I go? I don’t have contact info for many of these people now. I’m not sure what to do. I have so much more to say. I look forward to talking to you all, and am happy this forum exists. Thanks for listening.  
    • MrKyGuy
      Thanks for the reply - I’ll try not to think about it and I’ll update in a couple weeks either way. 
    • Lumberjuanfifty
      Hello , I'm new to this page. Never though I'd sse so much support from people regarding this so called ( hsv) To be honest I dont even know what's wrong with me . I've tested negative in everything. So a little background, I had sex with a person months back. Then later I found out she was married, her husband calls me uo and says HEY MANUEL GO GET TESTED   I know you and my girl were going out behind me back. But in  reality i had no clue she was married only had sex once. But then after he called me i started seeing weird things going on down their. No burning or anything like that. But I do once in a while get a TINGLING SENSATION. AND LATELY IVE BEEN GETTING VERY TINY RED DOTS oN MY PENIS. when I'm fully erect it turns really red. But no sores or anything like that. The weirdest thing is  semen  feels very very thick. I've never ever experienced anything like that In My life. I'm scared to death to be honest. I cant sleeep nothing at all. It just feels very dry and red  whe erect. What could this possibly be???!!! I would post a picture but in very embarrassed. I'm 30 years old. Had one partner my sons mom for 15 years.  But iva had 2 partners aside from here since we broke up. In the last year. Plese anyone can help me out. I'm in full depress mode.
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