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Onefitmama

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Onefitmama

I swore I would never join a support group. You know what they say, nothing on the internet stays a secret forever.... or perhaps I was just terrified it would be found on my computer history. Anyway, here we are, the night before Valentine’s Day with a herpes outbreak (diagnosed two years ago) I am scared, terrified and feeling like absolute garbage. Haven’t had an outbreak in a while so hello karma. I’ve been dating someone for the last few months (I’m a gay female btw) and I haven’t told her, I know... shitty of me. I kept pushing it out of my mind with the “you haven’t had an outbreak in a long time” excuse. Truth is I’m just terrified. Straight relationships have some form of protection (condoms) lesbians? The majority of “sex” is oral... how am I supposed to approach this? Hey, keep sleeping with me and more than likely you’ll get genital and oral herpes! Yayyyy!!! If she doesn’t break up with me for keeping secrets, she’ll def break up with me over that. So yeah, Valentine’s Day outbreak, When she starts asking questions why we aren’t intimate I’ll have to drop the bomb. Here I got you flowers and btw I have herpes sorry for being an awful person and not breaking the news to you sooner. This sucks, that is all.... happy Valentine’s Day and thank you for reading 

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Tone123
3 minutes ago, Onefitmama said:

I swore I would never join a support group. You know what they say, nothing on the internet stays a secret forever.... or perhaps I was just terrified it would be found on my computer history. Anyway, here we are, the night before Valentine’s Day with a herpes outbreak (diagnosed two years ago) I am scared, terrified and feeling like absolute garbage. Haven’t had an outbreak in a while so hello karma. I’ve been dating someone for the last few months (I’m a gay female btw) and I haven’t told her, I know... shitty of me. I kept pushing it out of my mind with the “you haven’t had an outbreak in a long time” excuse. Truth is I’m just terrified. Straight relationships have some form of protection (condoms) lesbians? The majority of “sex” is oral... how am I supposed to approach this? Hey, keep sleeping with me and more than likely you’ll get genital and oral herpes! Yayyyy!!! If she doesn’t break up with me for keeping secrets, she’ll def break up with me over that. So yeah, Valentine’s Day outbreak, When she starts asking questions why we aren’t intimate I’ll have to drop the bomb. Here I got you flowers and btw I have herpes sorry for being an awful person and not breaking the news to you sooner. This sucks, that is all.... happy Valentine’s Day and thank you for reading 

Do you know what type of hsv and how exactly you were diagnosed? Pos swab or blood test? Being lesbian I mean more then likely oral was the main exposure so I'm guessing it's hsv1 also given the fact you haven't had recurrence in a long time. Ask her if she has hsv1 oral like 80% percent of the population and she she does then she is immune to it so chances are slim shell catch it genitally. 

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Onefitmama

Diagnosed HSV2 by swab. They are interchangeable though unfortunately with the rise in oral sex. However my blood test came back negative back them (probably because that was my first outbreak and shortly after my first exposure) I’m sure by now it would pop up on a blood test. We have spoken about cold sores before and she doesn’t think she’s ever had one but also admits she doesn’t recall ever getting tested for it specifically. You would think with both of us being in the medical field, I’d be more open to discussing this with her.. I know plenty on herpes and STIs in general, it’s really nothing anyone should ever be ashamed of. Yet, social stigma wins and even though I have all the facts, it doesn’t make telling my “dirty” little secret any easier. 

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Tone123
5 minutes ago, Onefitmama said:

Diagnosed HSV2 by swab. They are interchangeable though unfortunately with the rise in oral sex. However my blood test came back negative back them (probably because that was my first outbreak and shortly after my first exposure) I’m sure by now it would pop up on a blood test. We have spoken about cold sores before and she doesn’t think she’s ever had one but also admits she doesn’t recall ever getting tested for it specifically. You would think with both of us being in the medical field, I’d be more open to discussing this with her.. I know plenty on herpes and STIs in general, it’s really nothing anyone should ever be ashamed of. Yet, social stigma wins and even though I have all the facts, it doesn’t make telling my “dirty” little secret any easier. 

It's said hsv2 doesn't like the oral area and it's hard to pass it from genital to oral tho it could happen. Just it's rare. Only risk there would be sharing sex toys. In my opinion it's easier for lesbians to play it safe then others including gay men. You can switch out condoms. Maybe you can just bring it up as you're having an outbreak and you think it may be from her oral hsv and have her get tested to see if she has it. 

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Onefitmama

Yeah I suppose I could use an excuse... but honestly at this point it’s just tearing me apart knowing I have this secret that I have not only hid from her but knowingly put her at risk. Yes oral is primary but we do have a lot of skin to skin contact as well so easily transmitted. I guess I was just feeling more confident not having outbreaks for a while even tho I know damn well about viral shedding. Just sucks, Valentine’s Day? Seriously! It’s been a week and I have two bright white ulcers that I couldn’t even hide if I wanted to. Regardless, I need to be truthful and I just didn’t want to do on such a “special day” that I know she’s excited about. Or I could just come up with an excuse not to be intimate and tell her the following day. Either way, not looking forward to it but this outbreak has been a big slap in the face with guilt 

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