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inspired83

Wanting to date again....

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inspired83

I'm ready to date again after what has happened to me this past summer. Raped and getting genital herpes by a trusted friend has really set me back. I've done what I can to deal with the ob's. Those actually are getting less and less and are no longer painful. (Actually didn't know I was having a small ob this time. Good/bad thing, I know). But with me wanting to get back into the dating scene, I have some fears. I was hoping that the board would help me out as in the past and reading the forum really helps.

I'm scared that when I tell a guy he will run. I've already had this happen twice. Both times, I wasn't ready to date but really wanted companionship not sex. But with guys, it does seem that is all they want. So I'm scared if I do get close to someone that they will run and always run. I know just like any relationship, if a guy really likes me and wants to have something with me, he will stay. I do know that it is natural be scared to be on the receiving end of the conversation.

I'm scared to get close to someone again as well. I'm a very sexual person to begin with. The idea of taking it slow (which I know is the best thing now) is a new journey for me.

I don't want this taking over my life but scared that it will leave me alone as I have never really dated anyone. I'm in my mid-twenties and not sure what to do. I've looked at the dating sites that deal with herpes but it all seems like a competition or people aren't who they really are. And maybe I'm thinking too far ahead of what could happen before I actually meet someone, right? But aren't these the general concerns that we all have? Anyone have any advice? :confused:

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inspired83

Something else I forgot to add. To me, and maybe this is me still getting used to everything, I don't know why a guy would want to invest time with me for the potential risk of geting herpes. I would think they wouldn't want a committed relationship if that's not what they are looking for just for the sex. I know if I was told my guy had herpes or any type of std, I would be ok. This is just how I am. Sorry!! I just have so many questions in my head and not really many people in the real world to talk to it about.

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alwall0828

Okay, I can understand how the talk is terrifying, especially if being turned down because of this.

My story....

I am 27, like you I was raped by a guy I barely knew and contracted HSV when I was 22. I found out while dating my now ex husband. I was pregnant with his child. I was misdiagnosed many times as acute yeast infection.

Once our marriage went bad, for reasons not obtaining to herpes I had the dreaded no one will want me feelings. And honestly it is why I stayed longer in my relationship. I started getting a little frisky with my best male friend. So I had to tell him. I was so scared to tell this person I had ALWAYS had strong feelings for that I actually wrote him a letter and mailed it to him. Because I just couldn't bare the site of rejection from him. He blew it off like it was nothing. I ended up getting depressed from a loss of a job and we broke it up.

I had a "FWB" friend with benefits after that. He was accepting just telling me I must say something with any inkling of an OB. I also had a guy I liked, had known him for like 8 years. We worked together for a short time and found out we both had it. so there was no problems there.

My current boyfriend and I, I told him once I felt the spark. Made my decision that I would never let my feelings get to far into the relationship without telling someone. That I didn't need that stress on my body and take the chance of an OB. So I told him right off. Found out he gets cold sores. I get genital. We don't use condoms. I take valtrex during outbreaks and lysine. I also am just trying dymniclear. I tell him when I have any feeling of an outbreak. Then obstain after I feel it is good and gone. I just make sure during this time he doesn't go without. Figure it isn't his problem why should he not get pleased.

it comes down to it that not all will reject you. ANd if they did. SCREW THEM!! If they would run with this, they won't or wouldn't stay around for the hard things. This is nothing. An inconvience.

Good LUck. And PM me if you ever want to talk or have any questions.

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ArizonaLove

I can relate soo much to you with the whole being afraid to date. For me it's been almost 2 years since I've dated because of this. All you can really do is put yourself out there and see who sparks. I chose to tell my new special someone (my first in 2 years) early on. We had one night of fooling around (Made sure he wasn't at risk) and then felt the need to tell him.

I decided that it would be easier on me if I told him early on. My theory is if he freaks out, I'd rather him freak out with it's just a childish crush rather than when I'm head over heels for the guy.

I wasn't sure how to tell him, just blunting blurted out. He was like oh okay. End of coversation. Things never changed between us since.

I'm glad I told early on because I no longer have the fear of "Omg, what it..." its all in the open.

He's a friend I've had forever but things never really happened until lately.

And okay, so what you have HSV? Why would that make any guy looking for a long term relationship get scared? Yea if they just want sex it will. But a guy who's looking to settle down with someone is gonna look past something as small as HSV. A guy who is looking to settle down is looking to find that someone special, with the most amazing personality and interests and he can relate to, not someone that's just good in the bed. Don't limit your self. I think of it now as a pre-screening. Find out whos in it for the sex, and whos in it for you .

if your serious about the online dating, I wouldn't just limit yourself to dating sites directed towards stds. I would expand to big name sites. Thats where most people are gonna be.

and plus, with the online dating, if you decided they should know sooner than later, you can always tell him online. No face to face, and theres that great "Ignore" button.

Good luck, hope this helps!

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inspired83

thank you!!! It helps a lot!:D gives me hope I wasn't sure that was there

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