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two2

More specifics would be nice

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two2

Hello,

I am new in this forum. I've had H for about 3 years now during which I have not had any sex. Obviously, being 23 years old, this has been difficult and I've tried to not go insane by finding was to satisfy myself with other people without sex.

I've recently read more about asymptomatic shedding, and this has scared me to death! I am very adamant about not spreading this damn virus to anyone else. I want to know how I can be intimate with someone without sex and without spreading the virus. Most of the websites I've been to are not very specific, they only talk about safe-sex practices, but not safe non-sex practices.

Can the virus be spread through panties? I've let a lot of people grind me with panties on, while they were naked, is there any risk in this? I have outbreaks once a year or less, so I assumed that this would be ok, since I rarely have an outbreak and the virus is spread through direct skin to skin contact. I never allow direct genital to gential contact.

Please any information would be great!

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VVK

The panties question: it depends on how thin they are and how wet you get. Some women become very aroused and this provides a liquid medium through which herpes can spread. Since the virus is tiny, it has no trouble moving through the fabric of the panties along with the moisture. If there is no moisture, then the virus wouldn't be likely to move across.

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skydreams

NSFW convo!

It seems to me that since panties are in such direct contact with where the virus can shed and spread, that it's not much safer at all to keep them on. I read something too that says that the virus can live on the thighs, buttocks, etc. So if the guy reaches under the back of them at any point he might be in direct contact.

I haven't been intimate with someone since the partner that spread it to me, but I was thinking maybe watching one another masturbate and giving your partner oral sex (if you don't have it on your mouth or them on their genitals of course) seems like a pretty hot way to go about it.

There are even little toys that have remotes on them... you could always have your partner control the remote!

Granted, these would be situations where the person would have to be fully aware what's going on with you, otherwise I don't see how you'd explain why he can't just jump in, heh.

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catiesmom

The virus doesn't live in your bodily fluids, but on your skin. It can be present at any time due to asymptomatic shedding anywhere in the boxer shorts region (roughly the area covered by boxers), including your upper thighs, buttocks, and lower abdomen. Just having on panties, i'd say, might help, but certainly won't PREVENT the spread. If you really want to be safe, keep some pants on.

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two2

Thanks

Thanks for replying you guys!

I wonder if anyone has ever gotten it by just grinding? It's probably better to have more protection than just panties, but it just seems like any unlikely way to get it, maybe I am being too optimistic. I will look into this more.

Thanks!

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catiesmom

There was one person here who said he got it through grinding WITH BOXERS ON. But how we get it really is a difficult question, because it's possible to have it for years and never know. Keep in mind that by "grinding" you're rubbing your skin against someone else's (which is how it spreads) probably without using lube (therefore possibly creating small cuts in your skin, or at least aggravating it) and without protection. For a virus that spreads by skin-to-skin contact in the genital region, i'd say you're taking a huge risk. But that's just my opinion.

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ArizonaLove

My b/f is fully aware and we grind. (I didn't realize so many people do it, lol). it's always at the beg. tho. So he still has his boxers or PJ pants and I have mine and panties. Obviously guys tend to go first so we do him first. Then after that it's my turn. :D The whole taking turns thing isn't bad at all. It's a safe way to work around it. I would always make sure the guy knows tho. Theres always that slight chance that somethins gonna happen but with precautions very rare. Afterwards he always makes sure to wash his hands to kill any virus posibly there. Toys are another good way to be pleased without sex, many think toys are kinky. If your still paranoid, you can always have him wear gloves.

Maybe get clean sheets when fooling around with you, then wash them and change them quickly before him. Or vise versa but yea, if the virus is on the skin then I would assume there is a slight chance if your naked on the bed, then within moments later he is naked on the same spot he could catch it. But I've been told the virus can only live for a few mins outside of the body.

I always thought it was the fluid that contained the virus... didn't know it was the skin! Learn somethin new everyday.

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VVK

It's not that the virus doesn't live in bodily fluids, but rather that fluids help the virus to travel through fabrics, whereas without moisture the virus would be more likely to get stuck in the fibers.

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chicago girl

Whoa whoa whoa....gloves? gloves? Lets just imagine that for a second....

......................................................................................................

.........................................................

Do you have a visual?

Because I am picturing a man on top of me with a whole nuclear protection suit on, touching me with his latex-protect hands so that I don't contaminate him. And then, if he is so kind to do me with his protection suit on, I have to kindly change the sheets so that he can disrobe on non-infested sheets!!!

Should I put bleach or rubbing alcohol in the shower so that he can wash way any trace of me when we are finished?

Sorry Arizona, I know you were trying to be helpful. Not meaning to be snotty towards you. I just can do this anymore.......

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VVK

Some people find gloves to be a turn-on. Not for everybody obviously. ;)

I think, first and foremost, get your partner to test for HSV. If already infected, things do not need to be this awkward.

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two2

Part of what drives me crazy about herpes is that no one can give you specifics about how you can get the disease, it's always a maybe this, statistically that...blah...blah...blah, there are no straight answers, which is the perfect breeding ground for paranoia. Even some doctors question the commonality asymptomatic shedding.

I personally don't want to be treated like I'm a biohazard...herpes is only a big deal if you don't have it. My first outbreak was terrifying, it was like the wrath God falling down upon my genitals. The second outbreak was also bad, the third one not as bad, the fourth one a year and a half later, the fifth one I barely noticed, and the sixth one was a year and a half after that and lasted for one day, and I haven't had one for some time. So it's been rough, but mostly because of the uncertainty and paranoia of spreading it, not so much from the actual disease itself.

It's good to have a set of guidelines to follow when you find someone you like, such as what you can and can't do with them and then how to tell them about the herpes....but really what do you gain from changing the sheets after sex? A .1% statistical drop in the liklihood of spreading it, perhaps? How much is that worth if you have a partner who is completely aware of the risk?

Again, I appreciate all of you replies!!!

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VVK
Part of what drives me crazy about herpes is that no one can give you specifics about how you can get the disease, it's always a maybe this, statistically that...blah...blah...blah, there are no straight answers, which is the perfect breeding ground for paranoia. Even some doctors question the commonality asymptomatic shedding.

It's good to have a set of guidelines to follow when you find someone you like, such as what you can and can't do with them and then how to tell them about the herpes....but really what do you gain from changing the sheets after sex? A .1% statistical drop in the liklihood of spreading it, perhaps? How much is that worth if you have a partner who is completely aware of the risk?

Again, I appreciate all of you replies!!!

You're right about the paranoia, at least for bed sheets. Changing the sheets won't make very much of a difference - the virus is fragile outside the body and loses potency in a few minutes. As for other precautions, it is more tricky and I do wish there were more actual studies to evaluate risks of transmission.

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