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Hope1606

Need a listening ear and advice please

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Hope1606

Hi everyone, this is my first day here and i need advice. Well yesterday, the day before the new year, i found out that i have Herpes. I really haven't been able to sleep and feel as if i'm falling into depression. I'm the only one in my family to have this and i believe i contracted it with my partner. Even though he hasn't been diagnosed with it he still had such great support for me yesterday when i told him. Even with his support i feel alone, degraded and embarrassed. He's been tested before and came out clear but he had three little red bumps in this pubic area at the same time i started to develope mine. He's bumps just stayed red and nothing became of them. Because i'm not in school right now i have a lot of time on my hands and i've found that educating myself on herpes has helped me to cope a bit. I can't come to terms to tell my family or friends because I'm a very private person and the only person who knows is my partner. The hardest part is that i'm really close to my mother. She's been out of town for the new year and i know when she comes home tonight i still wont be able to tell her. She's always been close to me but i feel like i don't want to her to know this. She told me that when she was dating my dad she developed Genital warts and she got over it. I just don't think i can tell her. This is why i have decided to turn to this support group for help. I'm also scared that if he comes out negative that he might leave me. He says that he loves me for the person i am but i find it hard right now to love someone with this disease. I also wanted to know if not having the biggest appetite is ok right now. I haven't been able to eat and when i do its like i have to force it down my throat. I think a little of it is depression. I know i'm a good person but will i ever be normal again??

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chicago girl

Hi Hope~~

I think I could have written your post word for word a couple of weeks ago. Since I have been on this site for two weeks now (does that make me an expert yet??), let me tell you a few things that I have learned.

The test your boyfriend to insist upon is called Herpes Select. That will test for the antibodies. Some tests only test for the antigens, which means a positive result will only happen if there is an outbreak at that moment.

Next, if your boyfriend is right for you, he'll stay. I did everything I could to get my guy to leave~~how could he want to be with me? He is a lot younger and cute and apparently negative (he didn't have the Herpes Select test). How could he want to be with me? He wouldn't leave even when I told him too. Your boyfriend just may surprise you. Understand that he needs time to adjust to the news too.

I have only told two people, my trusted girlfriend and my sister. Come to find out, my sister got it when she was 17. I never knew. She has been such a support to me. While I wouldn't tell everyone you know, if you choose the right person, they can help you get thru it. Your mom loves you. If you have a close enough relationship for her to tell you about her STD, then hopefully she will be the right person to tell. Don't feel like you will disappoint her~~she will love you even more for being honest with her.

It sucks. It really really sucks. In the month since I was diagnosed, I have felt every emotion in the book. You'll find that somedays you'll be doing great, then BAM your crying again. I liken it to the 5 stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I fluctuate between all the emotions and that is normal.

You are a good person, we are all good people. We have a pesky virus. That doesn't in any way change who we are. You are still normal~~it is just a new kind of normal that takes some time to get used to.

Hang in there and keep us posted....

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Hope1606

Thank you so much for the reply. Hearing from someone even if you've been a part of this support group for 5 minutes gives me comfort. I've been talking to my boyfriend about it a lot lately and he has made an apointment to go get checked so i'll let him now about this test you've told me about. I've come to realize that my having this it will only weed out those who should really be in my life and those who are just around for no reason. The confusion between me and my boyfriend comes because we both were always very careful in our sexual actions before meeting each other. I've come to find out that this can be passed even with a condom on. It just goes to show how you can never be too safe. I've told him that i'm not going to be pointing fingers because its something you'll never know the answer to. I feel as if we can look at this in two way; 1. we can accept it and allow it to bring us closer or 2. we can just allow it to tear us apart. So far its brought us closer to one another. We spent last night together after sharing the news with him earlier that day and said we are going to take it one day at a time. Another question i have is on all the supplements. I've looked into all the Vitamin C,B, Zinc, Immune Support, and Lysine Supplements. I know it varies from person to person but i'm serious about buying them. I started taking Valtrex yesterday, twice daily and i'm not having an side effects Thank God. I was wondering if i could get these supplements at a pharmacy or if i just have to order them offline. Should i talk to my gyno first before buying them? Thank you for taking time to read this.

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chicago girl

Hope,

My bf and I avoided the blame game too. What's the point? It's here and it is here to stay. I am sure that I got it from him (although, he won't go back to get the 'right' test done.) But at this point, who really cares? He didn't know that he had it. Sure, he says he had cold sores before but never associated it with *that kind of Herpes*. Would it help either of us for me to be mad at him? Would it help for him to be mad at me? We both need someone to get us thru and all we have is each other.

Sounds like you have a great guy. Make sure you tell him what his support means to you. Guys like to hear that they are appreciated. My bf sent me out to get a sexy dress (last thing on earth I wanted to do!) and then he took me for a night on the town and to a fancy hotel. of course, it was during the outbreak, so we couldn't fully enjoy the hotel. But just the fact that he made the gesture meant so much to me. I am still thanking him for making me feel pretty, when I was feeling my ugliest. Listen to your man. Accept his compliments and believe them! Know that you are still the same person as you were before.

Someone else may be more knowledgeable about the supplements and such. As for me, I am playing the wait and see game. I want to know exactly what I am dealing with before jumping into buying all of the products. You should absolutely go see the gyno. Call first thing tomorrow.

I am curious how you know you have it if you haven't seen the doctor yet. Did you get the news over the phone? Gotta love how the doctors drop the H-bomb and tell you to pick up your perscription at the nearest Walgreens, with no kind of consultation!! :mad:

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Hope1606

Hey Chicago,

Right now my boyfriend is in Chicago on business. Actually, he got in this morning. Well, its good to hear that you didn't do the blame game, i was maybe starting to think that it was just avoiding something in some way. Thank you for reassuring me that it probably the right thing to be doing. Its funny hear that your boyfriend did those things to make you feel like the most beautiful person in the world. It reminds me of monday night because thats exactly what he was trying to do. It seems like we are two very lucky girls to have these men in our lives. That night i didn't even want him touching my body because it felt so ugly but he still insisted that i was the most beautiful person he's known. I'm talking your advice on letting him know how much his support means to me. I know its very important to let him know how much his support means to me especially right now.

As for knowing i have herpes, i went in for my annual on the 12th of december with my gyno. I got my results back about in a week and everything was normal, which i knew was going to be the resutls. It was until last thursday that i started to get these bumps. Saturday they started to hurt and all that stuff. This past week i had started feeling really bad, flu like, but after doing my research i realized that its just part of the process with ones first outbreak. I was at my gyno's office 8 o'clock this past monday morning because i knew something just wasn't right. They took me into the office and said that they were going to call me because they looked over my results and i was abnormal on my pap smear. I was so confused at this point. Well he took a look at me and well he confirmed that i did have herpes. They did another pap smear, the worst by far, and they are testing to see if its HSV1 or HSV2. The turn of the table is that my gyno grew up with my mother and so if the embarrassment started anywhere that morning it was in his office. He could see the disappointment, anger, and sadness in my face but on top of it i knew he knew i was embarrassed. He told me not to worry and that my life wasn't over. He started me on Valtrex which i think has helped a little. I understand from my readings that the first outbreak is the worst and it can last for weeks. I have so many questions for my gyno when i go back on Monday.

By the way, i want to thank you again for listening and talking with me! You've been such a great help!!

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2Confused

How to start the year?

I am in the same boat as you I found out New Years Eve' when my doc called I thought she was calling to ease my mind before the year starts. I am tired have been for weeks, can't sleep eat etc.. which all are suppose to be bad for this condition. I have cried prayed etc.. I really wish someone would wake me from this bad dream. I am so glad to have found this site and hopefully I can get some answers and support.

I'm more terrified about spreading it to my kids or anyone else.

All I can say is hang in there and all is going to be well and I need to take my own advice because I have eve thought of ways of killing myself. All of this information on shedding is scaring me I dont even want my children jumping on my bed nor climbing in bed with me because I just dont know.

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