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marriedwchildren

Newly Diagnosed

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marriedwchildren

Well I am new to all this, I just wanted to reach out to others for comfort. I am 43 tomorrow and have been married 24 years this february. I was just diagnosed this new years eve. :( My husband hs had cold sores his entire life, we never let that stop us from having a normal sex life. We thought we were being careful when having oral sex. UNTIL this past christmas eve, when we had oral sex after he got over a cold sore 8 days earlier, that was Monday on Thursday i noticed these sores I have never experienced before and went to my OB/GYN where she examind me and then did a herpes culture, which she said she thought would be negative due to the cuts did not look herpetic. Well just this past Monday I got the devstating news I was positive for herpes 1. I feel, dirty, sad and shocked all at the same time. I come from the old school of thinking that this a nasty dirty disease and does not happen to married people. I now know that is so false and must now retrain my ways of thinking. My husband feels blame and just yesterday cried for the first time, he said to me that he knows he did this to me and that he was supose to protect me not harm me. How do I make him feel at ease when I am still crying and reeling myself. PLEASE someone help me answer this if you can. This has been the worst year of both our lives, I do not know how to move forward. THANKS!! :(:)

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MsLucy

Come on now... let's put this into perspective. Your husband, with whom you've apparently shared a loving relationship with for many years, has a virus. That's all it is... a virus. When it surfaces, his symptoms appear on his face. After 24 years of married life, you caught it from him, but your symptoms appear on your genitals. The only thing that surprises me is that it took so long for you to contract it.

Over the years, have you felt any less for him because he got cold sores? Were you ever repulsed by him or felt that he was nasty or dirty because of it? Well, honey the only difference between your virus and his, is geography. If you can accept it in him, there's no reason not to accept it in yourself. It has nothing to do with being dirty or nasty. It has everything to do with the fact that viruses are contagious. They spread. That's what the little buggers live for. If he had given you a cold, which is also a virus, you wouldn't think twice about it, would you?

So relax and count your blessings. You're married to someone who loves you and apparently cares a great deal about your welfare. You don't have to worry about venturing into the dating arena and dealing with disclosure or any of those headaches. And last, but not least, you can pretty much relax now and stop worrying so much about passing it back and forth. Think of it as one more thing for the two of you to share, and if anything, let it bring you closer.

Stop feeling so bad, and tell him to stop feeling guilty, too. If, after 24 years of marriage, this is the biggest issue between you, you're way ahead of the game. Personally, I'm envious.

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marriedwchildren

writercll

Hey there,

I know everything you have said is accurate!! It is the initial shock of hearing the words Positive Herpes Culture. I do not know how old you are, but you sound like you have wisdom, I was raised old school and was taught by my parents that STDS were for dirty, and permiscuous people, not monogomous married couples. So it will take me some time to get over that perception. I have a good husband and yes i am very LUCKY to have him. So maybe you are right that I have it better than some people do, but you have to understand it is still a shock to any strong relationship and it will take time. :D Thank you for the positive comments and hope you have a great day!

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MsLucy

To satisfy your curiosity, I'm 56, so I'm a little more 'old school' than you, I'd say. I know all about that intial shock. It sent me into a tail spin, too for a short time, but I was also in a long-term relationship, and got it the same way you did, in fact, after 8 years together. Life is quirky, that's for damn sure, but all you can do is just keep on strokin'. Good luck to you.

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